


Jar Of Hearts

by BeautifulNightmare, MedgesFiend



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Lambski, Lies, Love, M/M, Romance, Saulbert - Freeform, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-12 09:25:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 51,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulNightmare/pseuds/BeautifulNightmare, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MedgesFiend/pseuds/MedgesFiend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sauli bet his friends that he could make Adam, the creative loner type, popular within one month....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just A Bet

**Author's Note:**

> Random story idea, once again. Switches POV's each chapter.

Sauli:

I sat down with my friends at a table, our table, running my fingers through my hair. “Can you believe she tried to make me do that? That bitch,” Niko said, concluding his story about his mom’s orders. To be honest, I really didn’t care much about most of his stories. They always seemed to be pointless. Mostly about how annoying his mom is all the time.

 “She’s stupid, Niko. Does she still try to make you smoke outside too?” That was the last thing I heard before I started to zone out a bit. These conversations never really excited me. Being the most popular group of students in the school, people would probably think we talked about the most interesting things. But no, we don’t. Well, topics that never interest me at least.

I looked around the cafeteria at everyone. There were so many people here that disgusted me. How could some people be so weird? I didn’t get it. Wouldn’t people rather be socially acceptable than be yourself? It would save you a lot of self-esteem, I’ll tell you that…

There isn’t much bullying at our school, except for the occasional times that our group would push people around. We only did it as a joke, and some people took it too seriously. It was kind of funny, to be honest. I chuckled to myself at the thought, resting my head on my hand, propped up on my elbow. My eyes suddenly caught a tall red head, holding a container, with what looked like salad, and a notebook. He took a seat at an empty table, opening the container and stabbing a fork in, taking a bit of his salad. He then continued to open his notebook, jotting something down with a pen from his pocket. I recognized him; I just couldn’t put my finger on what his name was.

“Hey guys, look at the loser all alone at that table,” I said, pointing. Everyone stopped talking, glancing over. They then laughed, and I smiled to myself.

“What’s that kids name again? Andrew? Aden?” one of my friends said, squinting while looking at the man.

I shook my head, suddenly getting an idea. Something to “spice up” the group since the topic of conversation was obviously lacking. “I don’t know, but who wants to bet I can make him popular in a month?” I said. This really made my friends laugh, Niko almost falling out of his chair. My eyebrows furrowed and I looked at them, confused.

“Make him popular?” Niko said, his laughter calming down a bit. “Never! That’s impossible! Just look at him!” He chuckled again, slapping my shoulder lightly. “Nice try, Sauli. Not gonna happen.”

I turned to Niko, frowning and turning back to everyone. “I’m serious guys! If I can make him popular in one month, you all have to give me fifty bucks! If I can’t, then I’ll give you all fifty bucks! Comon’, I know I can do it! Please?” I watched as they all looked over at the man. Niko then looked at me and smirked.

“Fine. You’ve got yourself a deal. But you have to go through with it. Alright?” He said, holding out his hand for me to shake it. I smirked back, knowing I would be able to do this. This should be fun.

I grasped his hand, shaking it firmly. “Of course. I’ll get started now.” They all watched as I stood, walking over to the nearly empty table. How hard could this be? I took a seat, leaning on the table. “Hi,” I said as the red head looked up from his notebook. I smiled and he gave me a confused look. I saw small dots covering his face—freckles. I almost puked at the sight. But I held in my emotions as he replied.

“Um… Hi?” He said, looking around. I suspected it was to make sure I was talking to him and not someone else. I mentally rolled my eyes.

“Um… I noticed you writing in your notebook… What are you writing?” I glanced down, skimming the page with messy handwriting, a few things scribbled out here and there. ‘ _Soaked to the bone… Sink like a_ -' His notebook was suddenly snapped shut and I flinched softly, looking back up at him.

“Nothing… do you need something?” He still looked extremely confused. I had to give it to him. When you have no friends, then someone like me starts talking to you all of a sudden, you have a right to be confused.

“Uh, no… I’m just curious, that’s all…” I looked at him, smiling lightly again. “I’m Sauli,” I said to him.

“And I’m Adam…” Ah, Adam! That’s his name! Now I remember! “I’m gonna go…” He said, standing up and grabbing his stuff. He started to walk away, but I stopped him quickly.

“Wait!” I said, standing up and walking towards him. He turned around, sighing.

“What?” His voice sounded annoyed, and I glared a little. Did he know who he was talking to?

“Do you, uh… wanna hang out or something? After school?” I wanted to glance back at my friends to see if they were watching me, but I knew that if I did, Adam would catch on. And if he did, he would never hang out with me and I would owe everyone fifty dollars. I’m not letting that happen.

Adam raised an eyebrow. “You want to hang out with me? I’m not really in your social class…” He said, looking behind me a little bit, probably at my friends.

I did my best to smile nicely at him, saying, “Yea! You’re nice!”

Adam looked back at me. “Okay… I guess I’ll see you after school…” He then turned, walking away. I groaned, turning and starting to walk back to my table. Why was he such a loser?

Sitting down, I said, “I’m meeting the loser after school… He’s seriously pathetic.” Everyone chuckled just as the bell rang. We all stood, walking out of the cafeteria and to our next classes.

***

“Bye guys, I gotta go hang out with Adam…”  I said, rolling my eyes. I watched them walk away, and I walked over to Adam at his locker, tapping him on the shoulder. He jumped a little, turning around and seeing me. I smiled lightly. “Hi, Adam!”

“Hi… Listen,” He said, placing his notebook in his backpack and closing his locker. “If you don’t wanna hang out with me anymore, I get it… It’s fine…” He pulled his backpack on to his shoulder. I could see he was ready to walk away.

“No, I really want to! What do you want to do? We can go anywhere, I have my car…” I said, looking at him as we walked.

“Anywhere you want…” Adam said, looking down at the ground. He didn’t seem shy, he just seemed like he didn’t want to be here. And neither did I, to be honest. But I had to go through with the bet; otherwise, I would have to pay.

“What do you like to do?” I said as we approached my car. “What was in your notebook before?” He stood at the passenger side while I unlocked the doors from the driver’s side. We both climbed in, and he put on his seatbelt. Really? A seatbelt? Comon’ Adam, you can’t be that must of a loser…

Sighing, he said, “Just songs and poems and stuff… Nothing important…” he looked out the window as I started the car, pulling out of the school parking lot.

“You sing?” I said, suddenly interested. I always loved music. Not that I could sing or anything. I just loved music in general. Maybe that’s what was in his notebook before…

“Um… no…” I sighed, realizing he was gonna be hard to break. He seemed to be very protective of himself, and that made my job ten times harder.

“But you write songs…?” I asked, watching as I drove past familiar students walking on the side of the road. Poor bastards had to walk to school. Ha, sucks for you. I have a car.

“Listen,” Adam said, glancing at me. “Stop asking questions. This was a bad Idea…” He looked back out the window. At this point, I was positive that he didn’t want to be here right now. I groaned under my breath, wishing I had never thrown this idea out there. Then I would be home right now, not faced with this awkwardness…

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry… Let’s just, um, go to the movies… or something…” I said, changing my direction and driving towards the movie theater. At least we wouldn’t have to talk during a movie…

“Whatever you want…” Adam mumbled. The rest of the car ride was awkwardly silent. Adam just sat there, staring out the widow while I drove. I eventually pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater, parking close. Adam and I both climbed out of the car. I held the door to the theater open for him, and he mumbled a quick, ‘thanks’ before walking up the woman behind the counter, buying two tickets for a random movie. He handed me my ticket and I thanked him, offering to pay for the snacks since he paid for my ticket. He nodded, agreeing and we got a large popcorn, walking into the theater.

I walked up the stairs slowly, skimming the empty seats. I found a spot I thought would be good, and I smiled, walking a bit faster to the seats. Just before I turned into the aisle, I felt my foot slip on something and I went tumbling backwards. At that moment, I was sure I was going to die, until I felt a pair of firm hands grab my shoulders. “Whoa, are you alright?” Adam said, pushing me back up. I blushed lightly, nodding to him. None of my friends would have helped me… They all would have let me fall, and then laughed at me…

I sighed, taking a seat, Adam sitting next to me. The movie started slowly, and I was bored as hell. I reclined back in my chair, watching the people on the screen.

I suddenly heard a melodic, beautiful sound fill my ears. My head snapped to the side and I saw Adam, laughing. His smile was big, and I couldn’t help but notice how nice it was… I then mentally slapped myself. There is no way in hell that there is anything even the least bit attractive about Adam… He’s an ugly ginger, Sauli…

But it felt wrong to think like that… Like I was lying to myself. I groaned for about the fifth time today, pushing the thoughts away. I looked back at the screen. I couldn’t think like this.

It’s only a bet, Sauli.


	2. Genuine Jackass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "Never Close Our Eyes" by Adam Lambert ;)

Adam:

I sighed, shutting my locker gently and putting my biology book into my bag. Life at school was not a walk through the park, but I had lasted this long. My last year as a senior, then I can start a completely different life as a college student. Maybe I will actually make friends then, I hope anyway. In my theater group or something. Or maybe, I won’t even go to college and just jump-start my career as a rock star. I could pull it off. I was not that social. I mean, I tried to be, but I just couldn’t do any of this “convivial talking”. I failed hard at it. That’s why I wanted the life of a rock star. So I could live my life the way I wanted to live it and cross boundaries without any regrets.

As I was about to turn around, I bumped into the small blonde-haired person who had _so kindly_ invited me to hang out with him. How awesome, right? No. I knew that one of his kind would never invite me out unless he had some kind of other motive. I did not trust him, like him, or want to be associated with him. I wished he would just leave me the fuck alone. But he was a leech. And I could not shake him off as much as I wanted to. I didn’t want to be a dick, so I couldn’t just tell him to fuck off no matter how much I desired it. I was too kind for that. Damn.

“Hey, Adam!” he exclaimed, his weird European accent thick. I didn’t know where he was from, and I didn’t care. I didn’t want him here…I wanted to go to class and him to leave me alone like it had been before. I never knew I could be so annoyed with someone when we went to the movies once and rarely had any social contact prior to this.

“Um…Hi…” I mumbled, walking past him towards my next class. He quickly followed, sauntering right next to me.

“Which class are you going to right now?” he asked and I wanted to face palm so hard. We’ve been in the same class for over two months now, and he just never realized? That’s great. Fucking awesome. I guess he is just so caught up in himself he couldn’t notice someone like me from afar. Ugh, I REALLY do not like him at all. He is so annoying and garrulous. Seriously. I normally am a pretty positive person because if you just look at the negatives at life, you won’t get anywhere, but this asshole won’t leave me alone. I want to tell him to leave me alone, but I don’t think it’ll do any good. I will tell him in class if he just doesn’t shut up.

“Sauli, we’ve had the same first period for over two months,” I said and he looked at the ground. Looking embarrassed. His bright blue eyes wandered everywhere but me. And his fluffy white Mohawk bounced lightly as he walked. I just rolled my eyes, opening the door and walking in. I took a desk towards the front and he sat right next to me. That’s it: I am going to explode. “Please leave me alone. I’m sure you can find someone else to torture, okay?” I said and he looked at me as if I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. OR who the hell I was talking to. Fuck him.

“Um, listen, sorry I’ve been like…stalking you or whatever, but…” he seemed at a loss for words and I wanted to bang my head on the table. I groaned, taking out my notebook and planning to write in it, but then I remember Sauli glancing at it when he first came over to my lunch table. Well, it wasn’t _my_ lunch table, but no one else sat there, so yea… “Wanna just come over to my house after school? You don’t have to worry about my parents…They’re outta town on a spa trip or whatever…And my sister will be spending a night at her friend’s house. It’ll be fun and we can get to know each other or something!” he said and I just about died. Did he really just invite me to spend the night at his house? What universe am I in?

“That’s probably not a good idea,” I mumbled and he shook his head, putting on a genuine smile, though, I somewhat think it was fake in a way. He was fake. His entire persona was fake. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like him. He dyed his hair blond! Though, I wanted to dye my hair, so it would be hypocritical…But whatever! Why doesn’t he go hang out with his other douchey friends?

“Listen, if you come over and it’s complete hell for you, I’ll leave you alone. But you won’t actually know if you like me unless you try! So just come over to my house! I promise it’ll be fun…” he informed and I looked at him. I knew he was right. I am all about not judging people before I get to know them. But there was just something about Sauli I didn’t like. Maybe it is because of the people he hangs out with…But I would be a hypocrite—once again. Ugh. I’ll give him this. I cannot be the bad person in this situation.

“Fine,” I mumbled, standing up and walking to a different seat. He watched me walk away and sit at another table. He glared a little, fidgeting in his seat and he snapped a pencil in half. Good. Maybe now he’ll regret inviting me over…

The rest of the day, I avoided Sauli. I wasn’t sure if we had any other classes together because I didn’t look. In addition, even if we did, he didn’t come and sit next to me. I think he got the hint that I didn’t want anything to do with him until the school day ended and I was forced to “sleep over” at his house because of my own morals of nonjudgmental motives. Good job on getting yourself into this predicament Adam. Nice. Now you can add something to a song you’ve been writing. It’s called “I’m An Idiot”. It will be a hit single for sure.

Finally, the day ended and I made my way to my locker where—not surprisingly enough—Sauli was waiting, waving at me. I seriously wanted to rip my hair outta my head. Please universe, make him leave me alone. “Hey, Adam! Hurry up so we can get to my house!” he claimed and I sighed heavy and deep, packing up my stuff and following him out of the school. I stared at the ground as we made our way to his car: his black, sleek Mustang car. I don’t even own a goddamn car. Though, should I be surprised he has a car? Most of the popular kids are rich. So rich it makes me wanna puke. “Okay! So we’ll just chill and hang at my house and get to know each other…,” he said, then I heard him mumble, “…and maybe you’ll stop being a dick to me…” I wanted to growl and slap him, but I knew I probably deserved that. I wasn’t making him befriending me all that easy. But whatever. I didn’t even _want_ to be his friend. He’s kind of an asshole.

The rest of the car ride, I just looked out the window, not looking at him or anything. Just staring at the trees and whatnot as they passed by. It was a giant blur and I could feel the midst of a headache brewing in the back of my mind as I thought of how this entire thing would work out…

“Okay, we’re here, Adam…” he said and I looked out the front and saw a beautiful house. Three stories tall, glass bay windows covering the outside. Blue shingles, the walls made of rock and brick. The front lawn was enormous with a fucking fountain! What is this kid? The most stereotypical popular kid there is? Jesus. I mean, my house was nice; don’t get me wrong, but not as ostentatious as this billion-dollar thing. It was screaming in egotistical melodies.

I walked out of the car, observing it with closer eyes and just in complete awe, “Your house is really gorgeous,” I said aloud and he laughed, unlocking the large wooden front and opening it up for me. I walked in and just about screamed. I loved interior decorating and knew that when I have a house of my own, I want to decorate it ALL. And this house would be a great example of everything I wanted! Crisp white walls, smooth tile floors. I just about fainted at the beauty. God damn, it was beautiful in every way. I’m not sure how I didn’t expect this from one of the most popular students in the school. I literally wanted to roll around and embrace the intricate design and careful planning of the internal structure and pattern.

“Here, I’ll take you upstairs to my room. Then if you want, I can give you a tour,” he said, smiling and motioning me to follow him up the spiral staircase (which is what I’ve always wanted). When we reached upstairs, he led me down the hallway towards his room. When we entered, I was surprised. It’s wasn’t HUGE. It was about as big as my room. And there were posters of what looked like European stars (there was some weird language under them) and the walls were painted a bright green. He had a bunch of cook books on the ground next to his bed and under his bed looked like gardening tools. His eyes widened and he quickly ran over, kicking the tools and books under his bed saying, “Sorry…My um, mom must have been in here or something…” he said and I raised an eyebrow. So he liked cooking and gardening? Okay…He was obviously lying about his mom doing all that stuff…Whatever…It became awkward and I needed to get outta here. Sure, I appreciated his house but not him.

“Where’s your bathroom?” I asked and he pointed to the left. I nodded, thanking him and setting my backpack down on the ground and quickly scampering to the restroom. When I finally reached the bathroom, I locked the door, sighing and looking in the mirror. I fixed my hair and splashed some cold water on my face. I was hoping it would wake me from this nightmare. Because seriously, me? Adam Lambert? At Sauli Koskinen’s house? It just doesn’t seem plausible and so I thought maybe this would wake me up. Nope, I’m still here. “Ugh. This is great, Adam. What have you got yourself into?” I mumbled, making sure I at least looked presentable. Though, I knew I didn’t. I really hated my hair and freckles. Oh well.

I walked out of the bathroom and headed back to Sauli’s room. He was on his bed and he smiled at me, patting the spot next to him. I raised an eyebrow and walked over, sitting down on the comforter. Soft…

“So you DO sing? Come on, give me a tune or something,” he said and my eyes widened. What the fuck? How did he know? And why was he curious? Why can’t he just leave me alone?! “Come on, I promise I won’t tell anyone…” he mused and I rolled my eyes.

“Seriously? Everyone in theater and choir know about it. Cause I’m in those classes. It’s not a secret I keep from people. Just I knew if I told _you_ I sang, you’d make fun of me or something, so I didn’t tell you! How’d you find out anyway?” I asked, narrowing my eyes and he seemed taken aback by my reaction. Like he didn’t know how to respond. Good, maybe it’ll take him off his goddamn high horse.

“W-Well, I just…um, I assumed, I guess. Sorry…But seriously, it’s cool! I’ve always loved music. Especially all the European bands. I’ve never really liked American music except for maybe like…Queen…Then again he’s British. Though, I also like Madonna, she’s pretty kick ass. Sorry, I’m totally rambling about music…” he said, and I saw a blush creep up on his cheeks. Good he’s embarrassed for being stupid. But, I have to admit, I loved all those bands too.

“Yea…I like all those bands too…And Elvis of course. Jimi Hendrix is pretty killer too…” I said and he smiled, nodding.

“I don’t know of Jimi Hendrix, but Elvis of course. He crossed boundaries no one should have ever crossed…But we’re getting off track! You should sing for me!” he said, pushing my shoulder a little. “I promise I won’t tell anyone you did this for me! Here, I’ll even cover my eyes,” he said, placing his hands over his blue eyes and saying, “Come on! Go!”

I sighed, saying, “Fine. But you can’t tell _anyone._ Otherwise…I’ll just die…” he nodded and I sighed, frowning. I shut my own eyes, knowing this will just end badly. I just needed to barrel through it. You love singing Adam. Just pretend you are in your bed singing along to Michael Jackson or something.

I slowly began to hum the melody to a song I had been writing the notes too and then when I deemed it appropriate, I began singing. “…Forget about the sunrise, fight the sleep in your eyes, I don’t wanna miss a second with you. Let’s stay this way forever, it’s only getting better if we want it to…” I continued singing, gaining a little bit of confidence. I was never ashamed to sing. It was who I was and it’s what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Therefore, singing was no problem for me. It was just who I was singing _for._ “…So let’s just stay awake until we grow older, if I had my way, we’d never close our eyes…our eyes…Never…It’s so hard to think this could fade away…But what goes up, must come down…” I continued until I came to the end and slowly faded. I didn’t want to sing the whole song cause I already felt like I was gonna implode inwardly. I knew somehow Sauli would use this against me and make my life a living hell…

However, when I opened my eyes, I didn’t see him snickering or absolutely looking disgusted. The look on his face was the look of like… “Oh my god…That was so…beautiful and enticing…I’ve never heard anyone sing like that before just straight up…,” he said, his eyes wide and he seemed in shock. I felt my face grow hot. I hated compliments like that. I shrugged and he shook his head. “No, seriously. You need to share your talent with everyone! It was gorgeous…,” he said smiling and I smiled weakly at him, feeling a little better about myself.

But I still didn’t trust him.


	3. You're So Complicated

Sauli:

My eye fluttered open lightly and I yawned, stretching my arms above my head. I felt my bones pop and I smiled, feeling my tense body relieve itself. I rolled over on my side, seeing a large figure on the floor. Oh, Adam... I forgot he was here...

I propped my elbow up, resting my head on my hand and glancing at Adam. His breathing was even, and he looked at peace. I smiled a little to myself, and then shook my head quickly. What am I thinking? I don't care about if Adam sleeps nicely or not! He's just a loser... This is all just a bet...

I sighed, remembering the bet. I didn't think Adam would be this hard to make popular. It's obvious that he knows something is going on, so I'm sure he won't just give himself away so fast. Plus, he and I are two completely different people. I come from a popular group of kids and a rich family. He's just... A loner. Nothing special. How am I supposed to make him more popular? Well, I could start with improving his looks...

I glanced at him again, looking him all the way up and down. What was it about him that made him so unattractive? I knew there was something; I just couldn't put my finger on it-

My eyes suddenly landed on his strawberry colored thick mane of hair. I could fix the fact that he's a ginger! That's it! I think I have some extra black hair dye in my bathroom from when my bangs used to be black. I wonder if Adam would be up for it...

I reached my hand over and grabbed Adam's arm, shaking it lightly. I heard him groan, rolling over and mumbling, "Fuck, I don't wanna juice the carrots..." I raised an eyebrow, confused. His eyes opened slowly and he looked up at me before letting his eyes wander down to where my hand was on his arm still. I quickly pulled it away, sitting up in my bed and blushing a little. "Um, hi..." Adam said quietly.

"Hi..." I said, looking back over at him with a little bit of red still lingering on my cheeks. "So... I woke you up... 'Cause I got an idea..." I looked over at him and he raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. "How would you feel about dying your hair black?" I asked, my eyes immediately looking away after I asked him. This has definitely been my most awkward morning yet...

Adam's face lightened a little and I could see his body become less tense out of the corner of my eye. "Well, yea. If I was gonna dye it any color, I would do it black... Why though?" he asked, looking up at me and repositioning himself so he was also sitting up.

"Well, I have some extra dye..." I said, looking back at him. "And I thought it might look cool..." I felt my face heat up again. God dammit! Why am I getting so nervous around this guy?! HE'S JUST A LOSER. After this month, it'll all be over, Sauli...

"Fine, we can do it..." he said, sounding more annoyed than before. “Where’s the dye? I'll do it myself..." he said, standing and stretching out a little. He ran his fingers through his hair, licking his lips.

I stood from the bed quickly, saying, "I want to help you! It'll be fun!" I smiled a fake but convincing smile at him, grabbing his hand and pulling to the bathroom. I felt as though he was trying to get his hand out of my grasp the whole way to the bathroom. Damn, this boy is gonna be hard to break...

"Um... Okay, I guess..." Adam said, watching me as I pulled out the box of dye and got everything set up. I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head the whole time, but I kept my eyes on the dye and tried my best to keep my blush from showing up, yet again.

I mixed the color one last time before everything was complete. I then grabbed a chair, pulling it over to Adam and saying, "Are you sure you wanna dye your hair? I mean, if you don't want to we don't have to... It's permanent..." I watched him roll his eyes.

"Just get it over with before I change my mind," Adam said, taking a seat in the chair. I sighed, mumbling a quiet 'okay' before getting to work. I grabbed the small brush type thing, dipping it in the dye and spreading it over Adam's strawberry locks. There was no going back now...

I kept applying the dye to his hair until his head was completely covered in the dye. I, being the perfectionist that I am, made sure every single hair was covered before saying, "Okay, you're good... Now we just have to wait..." I took a step away from the chair and let Adam stand up. This is going to be a long hour...

***

"I think it's been an hour, Adam!" I said, standing from the couch we were both sitting on. I grabbed Adam's hand and pulled him upstairs before he could reject. When we got to the bathroom, I tried pushing him over to the sink, but he wouldn't budge.

"Hold on, Sauli. You helped me get the hair dye in. I can wash it out on my own..." he said, pushing me backwards lightly and out the door. I frowned a little at him.

"Wait, Adam-" I started to say, but he closed the door too fast. I crossed my arms, knowing there was no way he was going to let me in the bathroom. So I decided to sit on the floor and just wait.

To be honest, I was really excited to see Adam's new hair. I needed to know if it looked good and if he could potentially look cooler with the new color. It might be hard for him to look cooler with all those damn freckles though... I'll have to figure out what to do with those next...

After about ten minutes, I stood and knocked on the door, growing impatient. "Are you almost done, Adam?! I wanna see it!" I said, trying to turn the knob of the door, only to find that it was locked. Damn it.

"I'm done..." Adam said back quietly. "I don't know if I like it though..." I rolled my eyes, just wanting to see it already.

"Just let me in!" I said, knocking again. The door suddenly opened and I looked up.

My eyes widened at the sight of him. His now dark hair contrasted perfectly with his bright blue eyes. His hair even looked like he had cut it a little, making it choppy. I gasped lightly, not knowing what to say to him. He was beaut-

NO. Stop Sauli! He is a loser and nothing more! Get a hold of yourself. I felt a light blush spread across my cheeks and Adam raised an eyebrow. "It looks... Amazing..." I said, looking him all the way up and down again. He was like a new person...

"Uh... Thanks..." Adam said, walking out of the bathroom and pushing past me lightly. "I think I'm gonna get going though..." he said, grabbing his backpack off the floor and turning back to face me.

"What? Why?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little sad inside. Why am I feeling all these emotions for this stupid loser?! I shouldn't be!

"I've overstayed my welcome here. Plus, if your friends found out you were hanging out with me, they would never let you hear the end of it..." he said, picking at his chipped black nail polish a little. He painted his nails? How did I never notice that? I've always wanted to try painting mine...

"No you haven't! Please don't go... My friends don't ever have to know we were hanging out, if you're more comfortable with that..." I said, looking down at my feet for a little, and then looking back up at Adam when I heard him sigh a little.

"Look, Sauli. A couple of days ago, you would have never associated yourself with me. Hell, you never even noticed me. Now you want to be my friend all of a sudden? What's up with you?" Adam asked, his eyes burning into me as he waited for an answer.

But I didn't know what to tell him. I can't tell him the truth, that's for sure. I would lose the bet if I did! What kind of lie are you gonna come up with this time, Sauli? "I-I... I'm not allowed to make new friends, Adam?! What if I just wanted to befriend you?!" It's all lies...

Adam groaned, rolling his eyes. "I'm not really your type, Sauli. All your friends are rich, popular dicks. I'm not like that!" he said, obviously not falling for my lies. So I decided to go off topic a little bit.

"Does... Does that mean you think I'm a rich, popular asshole, too? Just like all of them?" I asked, glaring a little. He shot daggers at me, obviously not feeling sympathetic. I can tell that he doesn't really like me...

"Yes, I do. You're just like all of them. You wouldn't leave me alone, and now you've forced me into this situation." he glared at me and I glared back. Dammit, why is Adam so complicated?! I'm definitely not winning this bet...

"Fine." I said, fed up with him. "You don't have to stay. Do whatever you want..." Adam didn't say another word after that. He just turned around and walked out the door, leaving. I groaned, throwing myself onto my bed. Why does he have to be so fucking hard to get along with?!

I pulled out my phone, scrolling through my contacts and landing on Niko's name. I clicked the green 'call' button and put the phone to my ear, waiting for him to answer.

"What do you want, loser?" Niko answered. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even friends with such an asshole. Then I remember how bad I used to want to be popular. I worked to be in the popular crowd, and I'm not letting myself go down just because Niko isn't the nicest person in the world. I can take it.

"Dude, making Adam popular is really hard... I don't know if a month is long enough... He's so stubborn..." I said, looking at my nails and remembering how Adam's were painted black. I want to try that...

"Sauli, come on," he said into the phone. "He's a loser. You're Sauli-freaking-Koskinen. Make him do what you want." I groaned. He doesn't get it. Adam won't do anything. He's too damn stubborn.

"But he's too stubborn! Maybe we should call off the bet..." I said, knowing Niko was gonna call me weak and a pussy (I seriously hate that term), but I didn't care. I don't want to spend any more time with Adam.

"Good, then I want my fifty bucks. And since I'm a good friend, I'll rough him up for you a bit, alright?" Niko said and my eyes suddenly widened. Rough him up?

"N-No, don't beat him up! I-I mean, I guess I'll just keep trying..." I said, not understanding why I just saved Adam. Adam is a loser, why do I care if Niko roughs him up or not?

"Fine, try your best. He's the biggest loser in school..." and with that, I heard a click at the other end of the phone. I groaned, throwing my face in my pillow. This is going to be so damn complicated! But, for some reason, there was a part of me that knew I was enjoying spending time with Adam. And I hated that. I hated it more than anything.


	4. Communication Breakdown

Adam:

I saw Sauli standing by my locker and I groaned in disgust and annoyance; mostly annoyance though. I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to be near him. I didn’t want him near me in any way shape or form. His presence sucks, he sucks, his hair sucks, everything about him sucks. I hate being mean, but he irritated me. Like a flea. He just would not leave me alone and he is sucking the god damn life outta me…I sighed, walking up to my locker and opening it, ignoring him when he looked at me. With those giant blue eyes…That I hated, by the way. They twinkled too much. Moreover, they are too luscious. I hate them. For real.

“Adam, I’m sorry…” he mumbled and I rolled my eyes, slamming my locker shut and walking away, the people in the hallways diminishing towards first period, thinning until no one was left expect for me and Sauli. Just what I needed; Sauli to follow me around like a lost puppy dog. “Adam Lambert!” he said, standing in front of me, hands on his hips, eyebrows furrowed. “Stop hating me! Why do you hate me so much? I just wanna be your friend!” he exclaimed and I balked, glaring. He looked like an angry gay diva.

“I don’t wanna be your friend. I don’t hate you, I just don’t like you. Now leave me alone,” I said, walking forward, but he pressed his hand flat on my chest and pushed me back, looking determined to make me his best friend for fucking life. Exactly what I wanted. Not. I wanted him to leave me alone. Cause I didn’t want to be here. With him. With his gorgeous face. His fucking ripped body, that great fashion sense he has…Great…Now I am attracted to the enemy. How cliché. Though, I would be lying if I said the adorable look of determination on his face wasn’t enticing.

“Come on, please be my friend…I’ll show you a great time…When school’s over. I’ll take you out and make it worth your while…Give me a chance…,” he pleaded and I sighed, running my fingers through my freshly new black hair. I liked my hair a lot, to be honest. I was glad I dyed it, but I was wondering Sauli’s intentions behind it. Maybe he just wanted to dye my hair? Maybe I’m the one being a bitch…But I know I’m not. I’m in such a chokehold right now…

“Fine. But I don’t like you, and I don’t _want_ to be your friend. I just believe in giving people chances. But this is it. I really don’t like you, Sauli,” I said, staring him straight on. I was brutally honest, even though I didn’t mean to hurt people; it just came out that way. I wasn’t going to BS people because I hate when they do that to me, so why should I fluff it up for them? Though, instead of being sad like one would expect, he grinned, coming in close and squeezing me tight. I gasped, raising an eyebrow and feeling my face become hot. Great. He is so short. His head only went into the nape of my neck.

“Yay! Thank you so much Adam! I promise it’ll be so fun!” he said and I pried him off me, walking off to my class, Sauli following close behind. We both have science first period, but I will make sure we sit at opposite sides of the room. I just knew that avoiding Sauli, then spending after school with him was going to be a quagmire. This endeavor should be fucking interesting…

By the end of school, I texted my mom telling her I was going out with a friend sort of person. She keyboard smashed me back, extraordinarily excited I actually had a friend. I sighed sadly, shoving my phone back in my pocket and walking out the school. I spotted kids holding hands and hanging out with their friends and I yearned for that kind of interaction. Instead, I was stuck with a popular kid who is clinging to me like a leach. What did I get myself into? I saw Sauli standing by his car and he waved, a huge grin on his face. I sighed, walking towards him and getting into the car. He entered too, waving again, but I just looked out the window, leaning my head against it. He frowned—I could see from the corner of my eye—and started the car, driving out of the parking lot.

“So how was your day?” he asked, trying to strike up a conversation. I shrugged and stared out the window. He sighed again and the ride was silent. He turned on the radio and Another One Bites The Dust came on. I felt the palpable need to sing, but I restrained. I regretted singing for him in the first place; I was not going to do it again. “Please say something…do something…You could even sing,” he suggested and I snorted, crossing my arms and looking at him. He frowned even more, glancing at me from the road.

“Yea, right. I’m not in the mood,” I said and he turned the radio volume up a little more, nudging me on, a soft smile playing on his lips.

“Come on, Adam, it’ll be fun,” he offered and I sighed. He is really starting to irritate me (well, more then he already did). Does he really think he can get what he wants? He can get me to sing and shit? Well I’m not gonna take it. I am sick and tired of all these popular dicks always getting what they want!

“No! Just fucking leave it alone! I don’t wanna be here in the first place; stop telling me what to do!” I snapped, suddenly feeling bad when I felt the car slow down and pull over. I looked at Sauli and he was gripping onto the steering wheel, looking like he might implode. Well whatever. Though, deep down I knew I was wrong. I was acting as if I was PMSing and this wasn’t fair. Sauli may be part of the popular group, but he could possibly be different from the rest of them.

“Why do you hate me so much?! I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand! The last time I checked, I didn’t do anything to you!” he said, glaring at me, and I retaliated.

“No, but you and your fucking group taunt people for no reason. I bet you talk about me behind my back, cause that’s just how you are!” I yelled and he sighed, leaning his forehead against the wheel looking defeated. I thought he was indefatigable, but I seem to have pushed all his buttons. Ha.

“I was hoping that hanging out with someone like you would help me be nicer…,” he said and my eyes widened. Is that seriously why he wants to be around me? Man, now I feel bad... I thought he had some really bad motive for wanting to be near me. Wanting to befriend me so badly. Maybe he really just wants to be a nicer person. Or I’m falling into a trap…

“Oh…You mean hang around someone who’s not a complete douchebag to people that aren’t popular?” I asked, smirking a little and I saw his face go red and he nodded, looking at me. “Okay. I will try. No promises though.” And he grinned, leaning over and hugging me again. I twitched, not use to this contact, so I sort of patted his head and he laughed, pulling back and starting the car again.

“Thanks, Adam! You won’t regret it!” And with that, we were off. I sat up rather than lean against the window. Sauli was smiling and I let a little smile of mine crack. Maybe things would brighten up for us now. I knew why he wanted to be friends and it wasn’t just some weird thing. Perhaps I can really make him nicer. Like a little project.  “So where do you wanna go?” he asked and I shrugged, leaning back on the seat.

“I dunno. I’m sort of hungry,” I replied and he turned left.

“Oh, yay! I will cook you something! Since I’m being nice, why don’t I cook you something?” he said, turning some more until we pulled up to the familiar driveway of his house. I sighed, opening his car door and he exited as well as we walked up to his house door and he unlocked it.

“Okay. What are you gonna cook for me?” I asked, seeing his smile grow and I couldn’t help but smile back. He had such a nice smile. It was contagious…

“Anything you would like. Those cookbooks you saw under my bed the first time you came over were actually mine. I just don’t like people knowing I cook,” he stated, walking into the kitchen and grabbing an “Anything Cookbook” from the shelf, flipping through it. I raised an eyebrow, setting my backpack down and walking over to him, looking over his shoulder at the various recipes he skipped over. They all look fucking good…

“And that gardening stuff was too?” I asked and he nodded. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” I asked and he shrugged, grabbing some ingredients from the fridge and smiling at me. I felt my heart beat a little faster…

“Well, it’s not totally normal for a teenage boy to love cooking and gardening. If I told my friends about that, they would totally pick on me. I don’t need that,” he said, glancing up at me and setting the utilitarian cooking supplies on the counter, looking up at me with a smile.

“Yea, but I wear nail polish and eyeliner, that’s not normal…You shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself…” He laughed, his laugh almost like a giggle. I felt the heat rise to my face. Damn.

“I love how you said you hated me, now you’re giving me a lecture. Cute, Adam,” he said, pointing to a recipe and saying, “We’re going back to my roots. Finnish meatballs…” he said, glancing up at me almost seductively and I groaned, glancing down at the page. So he was Finnish? And he liked balls? Oh interesting. I knew his accent sounded European. It was thick too, so he had to live in Finland for a while. His voice was fantastic though. Cute, but manly with that accent undertone. Then I mentally shook my head because I was being stupid. Balls and Finns shouldn't be circulating in my mind right now.

“Sure. It’s perfect,” I said, smiling at him. He grinned back, skipping over to a hook above the cabinets, grabbing a pink apron and trotting back over, flinging it over my head and tying it on my lower back, too near my ass and running his hands up my back, then taking them away. I shivered, looking down at this apron and gazing back over at him. He was tying his own apron on—but it was blue. “Why the fuck do I get the pink apron?” I asked and he winked, grabbing some of the ingredients.

“Because I said so…,” he mused, grabbing my wrist and pulling me over to the counter. I blushed again, looking over the recipe.

“I’m a terrible cook, Sauli…” I said and he laughed; so cute…

“Don’t worry, I’ll guide you…” And with that, he mixed some spices and other food together I didn’t even know existed. The best thing I know how to cook is minute made rice…But damn, does that rice taste good. “Come on, you can mix that!” he said, handing me the spoon and I took it, grabbing the bowl and turning it with my spoon. He shook his head, walking up and grabbing my hand that was on the spoon, turning it harder. “You have to mix long and hard Adam…,” he said, looking at me from the side, a seductive and fervent twinkle in his eyes. My eyes widened and I kept mixing, his warm hand blanketing mine.

“You mean like this?” I said, mixing a little faster, and he nodded, leaning on me a little and mixing along, nodding. I felt the extra weight on my back and I could not help but breathe a little faster with the images conjuring up in my mind…

“Exactly! See, you’re not a bad cook, you just needed a fabulous teacher!” he said, letting go of my hand and skipping over to the opposite counter to chop some celery. I sighed, continuing to add salt and pepper. How weird. I never thought I’d be in this situation. I’m starting to like it a little. I still think Sauli has some kind of motive, but I’m not gonna think about it. I just want to have fun right now. Cause I never do. And right now, I’m having so much fun. It’s amazing…in some weird twisted way…I felt his hand on my arm and I jumped. He laughed, rubbing my arm and pulling back, grabbing the spoon and throwing it in the sink.

“Calm down. Time to roll them!” he said, grabbing a handful of the meat and rolling them in his hand, pressing only lightly. “Like this, okay?” he said, setting it down on the oven tray. I nodded, following his motions.

My thick eyebrow twitched and I watched him, “You sure know how to handle your balls,” I said, going out on a limb and I saw his entire face heat up and he gulped, continuing to roll the meatballs. I went along and rolled them like a pro. If I didn’t want to go into the music business, I could totally get a job at rolling meatballs. I got five done in a minute.

“Well…I’ve had practice…,” he said, setting the rest on the tray, bringing them over to the oven and bending over. I stared at his ass…In those tight jeans, fuck, it looked so amazing. I mentally shook my head of these thoughts. I wonder what he meant…

“What do you mean?” I asked, watching him as he straightened up and shut the oven, setting the timer.

“Nothing,” he responded and I walked up to him, shaking my head.

“No, you meant something, now tell me!”

He looked down and sighed, “I shouldn’t have said anything…” he looked nervous and I never thought I would see him in this kind of situation…I mean, he is Sauli Koskinen, and when you hear that name, you don’t think nervous. You think a confident, snobby kid that is just better then everyone. But here he was, twiddling with his thumbs, blushing, and looking down at the ground. Hm…

“Here…You tell me and I’ll tell you a secret of mine…That way it’s even…Please, who am I to judge you?” I asked and he looked up at me, unsure, but looking like he wanted to tell someone this secret…he NEEDED to tell someone…

“Okay…We’ll say it at the same time…,” he said and I nodded, smiling. He frowned, taking in a deep breath. “One…”

“Two…”

“Three…”

“I’m gay.”

My eyes widened and his widened. “Wait…What?” I asked, thinking I heard him wrong. I couldn’t have heard him right…

Sauli’s eyes were wide, “You’re…?”

My heart quickened and my face felt like it was going to burn off. We are both gay? Really? Is this just the universe’s plan or something? What are the chances? Maybe we were just attracted to each other because we somehow knew we were alike in that way? What kind of thing is this? It’s so weird… “Well. Guess this is less awkward than anticipated,” I said, smiling and trying to break the tension. He just seemed in pure shock and I nodded, shifting uncomfortably. Not really less awkward… He just stood there for a minute and I wanted to ask him so many questions, but I couldn’t. So I just wanted to leave, “Um…I’m gonna go,” I said, walking over and grabbing my bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school, Sauli,” I said, walking towards the door, but I felt a warm and soft hand grasp my hand tightly and I turned my head, my gray eyes clashing with the oceanic eyes staring back at me. I saw his beautiful lips part lightly and his thick accented voice speak.

“Please stay…”


	5. Touches Burn, Feelings Turn

Sauli:

“Please stay…”

My gentle fingers wrapped around Adam’s wrist tightly. I felt a spark as our skin touched and I looked up into his eyes. I have no idea what was happening to me. Just a few days ago, I was making fun of Adam with Niko and all of our other friends. Just a few days ago, I thought Adam was the biggest loser in the school. Just a few days ago, Adam was just another freak that I passed by in the hallway every day. Just a few days ago…

A lot can happen in a few days.

But as I stood here, my hand wrapped tightly around his wrist, my eyes begging him to stay with me, I knew none of those things were true anymore. Adam wasn’t a freak to me anymore. It didn’t gross me out to touch him or to talk with him. And as scary as it is to admit this to myself, Adam was my friend now. But I would only admit that to myself, not anyone else, especially not Niko. If I told Niko that this is more than just a stupid bet now, he would treat me the same way he treats everyone else. I would be pushed around and bullied by everyone, and I would have no one to go to. Well, I would have Adam, but I still don’t like the thought of being pushed around by Niko.

“I… I can’t, Sauli…” I heard him speak, and I looked down, slowly letting his hand fall from mine. The loss of his touch made me feel cold, empty. And that in and of itself scared the shit out of me.

“Fine,” I mumbled, deciding that it probably would be awkward to be around each other right now. I mean, we just ‘came out’ to each other. I’ve never told anyone that I’m gay. But for some reason, telling Adam lifted a huge weight off my shoulder. It’s as if I’ve been dragging the secret around for so long, just dying to tell someone. But I was always too afraid. Finally, the burden has been lifted.

“But you’re coming with me to a party tomorrow night…” I looked back up and I saw his crystal blue eyes widen.

“A… A party? Sauli, I’m not good at social events… You know that…” He looked down, fumbling with his fingers. He looked vulnerable and scared. I couldn’t help but frown a little. I didn’t like seeing Adam like this, I learned quickly. I liked when he smiled and when he would laugh his ridiculously cute laugh…

I smiled lightly at him and caught his eyes with mine when he looked back up. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fun. Just dress in something skimpy and meet me at my house by eight…” I said. Adam sighed, but nodded anyways, knowing he wasn’t getting out of this. I needed to get Adam out there. As much as I hated it, this was still a bet. If I didn’t make him more popular in the next three weeks, I would owe all my friends fifty dollars each. I really didn’t feel like throwing all my money away so fast. As Adam turned and walked away, I shut the door, my mind already mentally looking through my closet for something to wear for the party.

 

***

I won’t say that I wasn’t excited, because that would be a complete lie. I couldn’t help the smile that made its way on to my face every time I thought about Adam and me going to this party together. I mean, not together _together_. It wasn’t a date. It was two friends, going to the head-cheerleader’s party… She told me I could bring a friend…

Looking myself over in the mirror, I ran my fingers through my hair, making it stand up just a bit more. I was dressed in tight gray skinny jeans that were ripped in a few places, a plain white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. I had on my ankle-high black boots to tie the whole outfit together. Nothing too fancy. The key is to make it look like you didn’t try too hard. I’ve seen some people go all out when they are going to parties, and it looks bad because all they want it attention. I hated people like that. Although, I shouldn’t be talking since most of the school hates me…

I jumped a little when I heard the doorbell ring. I smiled to myself. Perfect timing. Grabbing my keys and shoving my phone in my pocket, I ran downstairs and opened the door quickly, smiling at Adam. But my smile quickly faded to an expression of awe when I actually took a second to look at him.

Adam had on a pair of tight black jeans ripped here and there, a neon green tank top and a black leather vest, exposing his muscular but freckle-covered arms. His black boots reached all the way up to his knees and added about four inches to his already-tall figure. His electric-blue eyes were lined in dark liner, making them pop a little. I stared at him with my mouth agape for a minute before quickly closing it and blushing. I looked to the side. I’ve never seen a man so attractive in my entire life. When I looked back up at him, I noticed his hair. He had added some blonde tips, and I had to admit that I loved it. It took all the strength that I had to not reach up and run my fingers through his hair. It looked so soft…

“Hi…” He said, blushing a little. I smiled at him, the red still lingering on my cheeks. “This is the skimpiest thing I had… Is it alright?” He looked at me a little uncertain. God, if only he knew what I was thinking.

“It’s… Perfect,” I said, looking Adam up and down before stepping out of the door and closing it. It wasn’t until I walked passed Adam on my way to the car that I noticed his cologne. I could have fainted at the sweet yet sexy smell of it, and I bit my lip to keep from saying anything he could hold against me that I would completely regret later.

We made our way to the car and I got in the driver’s seat while Adam got in the passenger seat. Adam was the first one to speak up as I started the car. “So… Who’s hosting this party?” When I glanced over at him quickly before pulling out of the driveway, I noticed a bit of nervousness in his eyes. He had a right to be nervous. It was his first popular party, probably his first high school party ever.

“Uh… Her name’s Jessica… She’s the head cheerleader…” I said, knowing perfectly well that Adam wouldn’t like the idea of going to her party. But we were both already dressed and we were on our way, so he wasn’t backing out now.

I heard Adam groan loudly. “Her? Is she your friend or something? I don’t think she’ll like me being there…”

I sighed, turning onto the familiar street. Jessica hosts parties all the time, so I’ve been to her house plenty of times. “She told me I could bring a friend. Don’t worry.” I lowered my voice to a quiet whisper, not meaning for Adam to hear when I mumbled, “Plus, you look hot as fuck…”

I could see Adam look up at me from the corner of my eye, and he smiled. “Aw, you think I look good? Thanks!” Suddenly he was by my side, whispering in my ear, “You look sexy as fuck too…”

My heartbeat quickened and I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I let out a soft breath, hoping he wouldn't notice. I kept my eyes on the road because I know that if I looked at him, I would have lost control.

As he pulled away, his hand brushed mine and I felt that spark again. I mentally slapped myself for feeling like this. This was only supposed to be a bet. “You weren’t supposed to hear that…” I said as I pulled into the driveway of the ginormous house. I parked the car and stepped out. I could hear loud music blasting from the house and I could see familiar faces through the windows.

I heard the passenger door close and I looked over at Adam who looked much more nervous than before. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here…” He said, his eyes watching the house. I rolled my eyes, walking over to him and grabbing his hand, pulling him towards the house.

“Let’s go, Adam…” We got to the door and I didn’t bother knocking. For one, I know Jessica well enough to just let myself in, and two, it would be too loud for her to actually hear the knocking anyways. I opened the door, pulling Adam inside.

“This is a bad idea Sauli…” Adam said, tugging on my arm a little, I didn’t get a chance to respond to him because Jessica came running up to us with a wide smile on her face. Her long black curls were hanging down perfectly and her dark blue dress was a little too short.  Her eyes were lined with the perfect amount of liner. Jessica was pretty small, smaller than me. She was the kind of girl that every guy wanted to be with. Even though I’m gay, I find Jessica to be very attractive.

“Hi, Sauli! Who’s your friend?” She said, looking at Adam. Her eyes wandered along his figure quickly before looking back at me. For a second I felt my heartbeat quicken and anger filled me. She definitely had eyes for Adam. I could already tell.

“This is Adam,” I said, smiling lightly at her. “Adam, this is Jessica.” Adam flashed a fake smile and I could tell he was still nervous. He was at the head cheerleader’s party right now. If I was him, I would be nervous too.

“Well, since its Adam’s first time here, I’ll show him around,” she said, winking at me before grabbing Adam’s hand. Rage filled me and I heard Adam whine. I felt his hand wrap around my wrist and I looked over at him.

“Wait… Can he come with us?” Adam said. I smiled lightly, looking at Jessica. She looked a little annoyed that he wanted me with him, but she nodded anyways. I felt a bit of relief as we walked over to where Niko was with some other people. I sat down next to Niko. He looked at me before looking at Adam, who sat down on the couch across from Niko and me. Jessica sat right next to Adam, practically on top of him. A small groan left my throat and I felt Niko pat my shoulder gently. I guess he was happy I was getting Adam out there. Although, shouldn’t he be upset? That means I’m going to win the bet.

I didn’t say anything to Niko; I kept my eyes fixated on Adam and Jessica. Adam looked tense, but Jessica smiled up at him. I could see their mouths moving, talking. I wanted to hear what they were saying, but the music was so loud and there were so many people that all I could do was watch them.

Suddenly I saw Jessica shift and she ended up on Adam’s lap. She giggled at something he said, and I couldn’t help from wanting to go over there and rip her off Adam. But why should I care if Jessica comes on to Adam? It’s not like he’s mine. I really shouldn’t care. But I did. And I couldn’t control that.

My eyes suddenly widened as Jessica placed her lips on Adam’s. I was about to jump up and pounce on them when Adam pulled away. Thank God, otherwise I would have embarrassed myself in front of everybody. Jessica leaned in again, and I watched as her hand lingered down, putting slight pressure on Adam’s crotch. I let out a small gasp. Adam pulled away again, and a few more words were exchanged before her lips were back on Adam’s.

My vision went blurry with anger and I could see their mouths moving together. I caught a glimpse of tongue and saw as Jessica straddled Adam’s waist. Adam’s hands grabbed her hips as she grinded into him. Their mouths meshed perfectly as Adam’s hands ran up her back and gripped onto her black curls.

At this point I couldn’t even move. All I could do was sit there and watch. Adam had just told me yesterday that he was gay, and now he’s sitting here having a full-on make out session with the head cheerleader! I heard Niko say something to me, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t even talk. But why was this making me mad? I shouldn’t fucking care.

I looked away for a minute before looking back. And the second I looked back, I wished I had not. Jessica shoved her hand into Adam’s tight black jeans and Adam pulled away quickly. He said something that caught her off guard, I could tell by her expression, and he gently pushed her off his lap before standing up and walking away.

I don’t know where I got the strength to, but I quickly stood, chasing after Adam. He was about to walk out of the house when I grabbed his hand, pulling him into a small spare bedroom. I shut the door, turning and looking straight at him. “What the fuck Adam?!” I yelled, my eyes narrowing. Nothing could control my anger now. “Why did you make out with her?!”

Adam looked at me, yelling right back. “I don’t know! Do I have to have a reason for everything, Sauli?! And why should you care anyways?!” He glared at me and I swallowed. How am I supposed to answer that question for him when I can’t even answer that question for myself?

“I don’t care!” I lied. “But gay guys don’t normally make out with girls! Was that your first fucking kiss too?!” I honestly didn’t care if it was his first kiss; I just wanted to get off the topic of me caring. Because I don’t. Well, I shouldn't.

Adam rolled his eyes. “No, it wasn’t my first kiss, Sauli. And obviously you care if you’re freaking out over this right now!”

I glared at Adam, poking his chest and saying, “I do not care! Why should I?! You’re gorgeous; obviously girls are going to hit on you!”

Adam crossed his arms, going all diva on me and saying, “Then why are you freaking out about it?” His eyes narrowed and I could have curled up into a ball and hid. I didn’t know what to say anymore. It was obvious that I cared about him making out with Jessica. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have pulled him in here. Maybe I would have even congratulated him.

I sighed, looking away. Was it obvious that I was frustrated? “I’m not… Just… Maybe I got a little jealous… Because I just… Fuck…” I sighed again. Shit, shit, shit! I wasn’t supposed to admit that I was jealous! That was not part of the plan!

Adam raised an eyebrow, looking more confused than angry now. “Jealous?” I knew he wasn’t catching on. Damn, for someone with perfect grades, you would expect him to catch onto things quicker.

“Never mind…” I said, turning and opening the door, walking back to the party before he could say anything else to me.


	6. Sorry, I’m Kind Of Drunk

Adam:

I picked up the sparkling, lucid glass of tequila. I placed it against my lips, feeling the toxic acid drip down my throat and slop into my stomach. My hands clumsily found the slice of lime and I bit down, sucking and moaning at the acidic fruit that filled my veins. My head was pounding from the bolstering music and the salient smell of alcohol wafted in the air, penetrating my senses. My vision was failing me as my hand guided through the empty beer bottles and I found an uncapped one, bringing it up to my mouth, but I couldn’t drink it down before another hand invaded mine, grabbing it from me and gulping it down. I whined, reaching for it.

“Bitchhhhhhh…” I mumbled, slapping Sauli’s thigh and he giggled, tossing the bottle to the side and looking at me. I heard it crash against the wooden floor and normally I would be freaking out—we made a mess in a stranger’s home, but I could honestly care less. I glared back, leaning in and grabbing his small figure, pulling him up to sit on my lap. He groaned, gripping onto my hair and tugging at it. My mind was too clouded to comprehend the intimacy transpiring between us.

I grinned lazily as my teeth sunk into the soft skin of his neck and he squealed, digging his nails into my leg and I moaned, wanting to whisper dirty things in his ear. Naughty and dirty things that would make him gasp. I sucked, my tongue licking at the bruised skin until I felt the tug of my shirt and I pulled back, looking at the cheerleader. Didn’t she try to make out with me a little while ago…? Maybe, I dunno…

“Come,” she demanded, tugging my arm and since I was flimsy at this point, I just fell over, leaning on her and she seemed to like this. Sauli grabbed my hand, following and next thing I knew, I was sitting cross-legged on the ground with Sauli right besides me. He mumbled something to the person next to him and Jessica was close to my other side. Fuck, I feel like such a fucking pimp. Or something…I’m not use to this. My world did a whole one-eighty. I was in a circle of people that I barely knew. I recognized them: they were the kind of people that would make some girl sob because she had last year’s shoes. Why was I here with them? Drunk?

“Sauli, truth or dare?” Someone asked and I lolled my head in the direction or the questioner…Some popular guy that I remembered calling me a fag junior year. That dick, why isn’t he making fun of me right now? Weird.

“Daarrreee…” Sauli slurred and leaned his head on my shoulder. The dick smirked, pointing at me and his mouth moved, but I could not understand the words coming out of his mouth because the room was spinning and I felt like I might vomit…

All of a sudden, Sauli was on my lap and his covered ass was putting weight right on my boner. It fucking hurt. I didn’t even know I was hard at this point. This idiosyncratic action was making me fucking angry because Sauli kept moving his ass and I kept moaning and I wanted nothing more than to rip off all his clothes and—

“Adam, truth or dare?” Someone asked. Once again, I did not recognize the person and I didn’t know them. Therefore, I just responded with the neutral answer: truth.

“Is it true you would make out with Jessica again? Right now?” he asked and I smirked, my head weighing more to my right near Jessica and I giggled. She seemed pleased and she licked her lips. Fucking seductive ass bitch.

“Of course. She’s sexy as fuck,” I whispered, flicking my tongue at her. She gasped, her eyes widening, she scooted forward, leaning in and pressing her lips against mine, and I moaned. I don’t care if I am gay, that is just a label. Of course, I would rather have sex with guys than girls. I don’t want to have sex with girls. That is why I am “gay.” Nevertheless, I appreciate beauty and I do not discriminate against beauty just because of the gender. So I will make-out with the head cheerleader. Did I really think this would be happening to me? No.

I pressed into her, our mouths meshing messily and I shut my eyes, my hand riding up her back. My other hand laid flat on Sauli’s back and I pushed him off my lap so I could lean up and straddle Jessica’s waist, pressing our hips together. She moaned into my mouth and I licked her lips, biting down. My other hand slid down her leg and I lifted it up. I could only fantasize about the people looking at us right now, thinking: “What the fuck is this faggot ass loser doing with the head cheerleader?” but I didn’t care. I could actually hear some wolf-whistles and murmurs of encouragement being passed throughout and that made me want to go even harder.

“Adam, truth or dare!” I heard Sauli—I think—yell and I just shrugged, running my hand under her shirt, feeling adventurous. She shivered under my grip and I felt totally dominant.

“Shut up,” I said, not really caring at the moment. I just wanted to get it on and Sauli was being annoying right now. I needed to be in the zone. Or something. I never actually got this far with a girl before. It is weird. I am all for first tries though.

I was imagining getting her in bed until something sticky spilled all over my head and face and I growled, sitting up and glaring at the culprit. Jessica screamed, standing up and running away, a few of her “friends” following her. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling gross. Was that punch or something Sauli spilled all over me? Why? What did I do to him? I fell onto my back, lolling my head to the side and having the flat of my palm rubbing my crotch up and down, as it was aching tremendously. I couldn’t take it anymore! Sauli and Jessica just did this to me. Fuck.

The blond lay besides me, running his index finger in circles on my chest. He smirked at me and I looked at him vapidly. “I can help you with your problem right now,” Sauli said and I looked at him with one eyebrow raised, wondering what he was talking about. I am a bright kid, but not at the moment. This was my first actual drunk incident. Of course, I snuck alcohol before, but never got drunk. Sauli really did bring out the worst in me. I knew there was a reason I did not want to be friends with him. Would I even consider us friends? God, this is so weird.

“What?” I asked, my voice sounding oddly unfamiliar. Ha.

“You know what I mean, baby,” Sauli mumbled, his tongue fluttering out and tracing my ear. Then I felt him push my hand away as his replaced mine and I shuddered, my body going limp and I wanted what he had to offer.

“Yes…Please… “ I moaned, wondering if anyone could see us. Wondering if anyone really cared. Sauli was their leader or whatever, so they would obey him. They probably thought he was just leading me on. Maybe he is. Maybe he is gonna be a fucking douchebag right now. I don’t know. I am too wasted to care.

Both his hands grabbed my shoulders and lifted me up and he pushed me upwards. I was inquisitive as to why he was so mobile right now. My feet could barely carry me. Maybe because he has been drunk before. I shouldn’t think like this right now. I felt like I might puke. So I just let Sauli lead me and push me down on a plush comforter of some spare bedroom. I looked around and it was a pretty basic room. Lamps, white walls, a rug. Great.

I heard a click and I think he locked the door, I’m not sure. My head hurt and I moaned, lolling my head to the side. I sat up, grabbing Sauli from his waist and pulling him down with me. He gasped and I lay him next to me, nuzzling into his neck, taking in his scent. He was so warm and small. I love small guys. Fucking turn on.

“You’re so cute,” I mumbled, licking his throat and he laughed, petting my hair and nuzzling his leg in-between my legs.

“No, you are the cute one…” he said, gripping onto my vest and pushing it off my shoulders. I obliged and wiggled out of it, allowing his hands to roam my torso. I sighed, my eyes shutting again as I let him finger my chest and I groaned. I leaned forward, sinking my teeth in the soft flesh of his neck. We were picking up where we left off earlier.

“You’re sweet too…” I mumbled, licking into his neck, enjoying his whines.

“How do you know I’m sweet…if you haven’t kissed me?” Sauli said, my eyes widened, and I slid my hands down, gripping onto his ass. My hands cupped his ass perfectly, god damnitt. He gasped and I moaned, sucking on his skin again.

“I don’t need to taste them to know they’re sweet…” I said, not wanting to kiss him. I did not want our first kiss to be when we were drunk. I didn’t even want a first kiss with him. It’s complicated… Wow, Adam, you are so stupid. Thinking, “it’s complicated” with Sauli freaking Koskinen. Just shut up, you’re over thinking again.

“Here, let me fix your problem. It’s digging into my leg,” Sauli said, pushing me off and I fell over and rolled on my back as his hands teasingly made their way down to my pants. He trailed his finger down my zipper and I growled, glaring at him. He seemed to get the point and unzipped my pants, unbuckling my belt and unbuttoning my pants in what seemed like one swift motion. However, when you are drunk, everything moves in a blur, so I wasn’t sure. “Be patient, I’m almost there,” Sauli said, pulling my pants down tauntingly slow and I whined, wiggling. He laughed, palming me from my briefs and I gasped.

“Sauli, please,” I said, panting and looking down at him. He giggled, curling his index finger into the hem of my briefs, pulling them down and letting his eyes trail down and they widened. I blushed, having my head fall back down on the bed. I was suddenly nervous and my face felt so much hotter. Shit, this was a bad idea. Fuck, Adam, why did you have to get yourself into this situation? Why? You should have stayed home, watched Velvet Goldmine with Neil, and ate ice cream. But no, you had to fucking go with this popular pretty boy and end up in this god-forsaken situation. You bitch.

“You’re gorgeous, Adam,” he said and I looked back down at him, just in time to see his head go down and his mouth form perfectly around the head of my dick. I gasped, never having felt this kind of thing before. I had never gotten a blowjob before. Sure, I have gotten a handy, but that’s it. And did he say I was beautiful? What?

I glanced back down, and Sauli had sunk down further, his Adam’s apple moving up and down as he swallowed. And each time he swallowed, a new sensation hit me and I moaned like a bitch, searching for his hair with my hand, as I was nearly blind by elation. When I finally found his Mohawk, I gripped onto it, tugging. He moaned, the vibrations shooting up my dick, and I gasped. “Sauli, fuck, oh god,” I mumbled out gibberish and I felt his lips curl into a smile as his hand came up to the base of my dick and started pumping as his tongue swirled and lapped. I panted, shaking my head, seeing stars. I felt like my head might explode. I couldn’t take this! I never thought this would happen at any point in my life.

Sauli began humming, I groaned, rocking my hips into him, he giggled, and that’s when it hit me. I let out an exhausted pant and felt myself release right in Sauli’s mouth. I felt kind of gross. Like maybe he didn’t want that but when he came back up, he looked at me, swallowing it all and even licking his lip. He bent down, kissing the head of my dick and falling down next to me. I looked at him with wide eyes and he laughed, kissing my cheek.

“What? Are you surprised I give amazing blowjobs? I’m almost insulted,” he said, snuggling in close to my chest. My head was spinning, but I shook my it off, nuzzling close to him.

“No, of course not. I’m just a bit…overwhelmed…That’s all,” I told him and he smiled, rubbing my cheek.

“Don’t be. I loved it,” he said, kissing my nose and I sighed happily, wrapping my arms around his waist and bringing him close to me, happier then I have been in a while.


	7. Can’t Say All the Little Things

Sauli:

I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut tight as I endured the pain of my extreme headache. Why do I always drink so damn much when I’m at parties? I mean, I understand having a drink or two, but drinking another shot every two minutes? Sometimes I go so overboard…

I opened my eyes, looking around. My surroundings didn’t seem very familiar to me, and as I sat up, I still couldn’t seem to put together how I had gotten into this room. I mean, I know I was at Jessica’s house, and I know Adam is here with me, but when did I end up in this room?

Adam… Where was Adam?

I quickly glanced around, my heartbeat quickening a little until I saw him lying next to me on his stomach, his face turned to the side and his lips slightly parted. His hair was a mess, but I couldn’t help but think how sexy he looked right now, and a part of me couldn’t help but get turned on by the way Adam looked. His perfect facial features, the little bit of smudged liner under his right eye, his amazing body-

WHAT THE HELL?

I quickly jumped up, looking away from Adam. How did I not notice this sooner?! I mean, it was out there in the open! I bit my bottom lip, feeling my face heat up. Adam Lambert was naked, lying on the bed that I was just lying in next to him. Adam fucking Lambert was naked, right in front of me.

And he was huge.

Part of me wanted to just look at him- at it. But another part of me told me it was so wrong and I should just look away now before I regret things later. I decided to go with the thoughts in my head to the north instead of the thoughts in my head to the south. I’m a gay man; sue me for thinking with my penis sometimes.

One last quick glance and my eyes were on the floor. What happened last night? Why was Adam lying next to me naked? I mean, I’m not sore or anything, so that must be a good sign, right? So, as far as I know, we didn’t sleep with each other… Dammit! Why can’t I remember anything? That would make this so much easier! Screw you, alcohol! My eyes wandered from the floor and to the door. I could just bail now and we would both just have to accept the fact of not knowing what happened. That seems like a pretty good idea. Good, let’s stick with that one.

My hand was just about to grasp the door handle when I heard a slight groan of pain coming from behind me. I silently cursed to myself before looking over my shoulder. Adam’s eyes were squeezed shut, his hand on his head, which was probably pounding, much like mine was at the moment, and he had rolled over onto his back. I bit my bottom lip before seeing Adam’s eyes open.

 He looked at me for a split second before noticing that he was half-naked. He quickly gasped, grabbing his pants from the floor and pulling them on, not bothering to button them. Who really cares at this point, honestly?

I turned around completely, satisfied with that fact that Adam was presentable- well, not presentable, but he wasn’t half naked anymore. My heart was racing and I didn’t know what to do. Adam looked up and his eyes caught mine for a second before they darted to the floor, obviously embarrassed. “U-um, hi…” I managed to say, my mind telling me to look away, but my eyes betraying me. I couldn’t help it. Adam looked so damn good when his hair was messy and he had just woken up.

Adam ran his fingers through his hair before mumbling, “Hi…” I sighed. This was going to be awkward for a while.

“Do you… Um… Remember, anything?” I asked, watching his eyes as they caught mine again. For a second I felt my heart stop and my breath hitch. His bright, crystal blue eyes stared into mine. They were so captivating and beautiful, yet confused and nervous at the same time.

“No…” Adam said, licking his lips. “Thank God. Do you…?” I could still sense the nervousness in Adam’s figure. He sat awkwardly, his hands fiddling with each other in his lap.

I bit my lower lip, blushing a little as I said, “No, but I’m not sore… That must be a good sign, right?” I glanced over at Adam and his face flushed completely. Not much better than me, though. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter by the second.

“Yea, I guess… My dick kinda feels like someone bit it though…” He shot me a slight glare and I couldn’t help but giggle a little. Someone biting Adam’s-

My giggling seized. Does that mean that I… Gave Adam a blowjob? I mean, it could have been anyone, right? Shit, shit, shit! This isn’t happening…

Adam sighed and stood, walking in my direction and reaching for the door. “I should go, this is just weird…” he said, grabbing the handle. There was something in me, though, screaming at me and telling me not to let him leave. I like his company too much…

“W-Wait, Adam…” I said, one hand quickly gripping my aching, pounding head, the other gripping Adam’s arm tightly as I stumbled a little. Shit, how much did I drink last night?

“Listen, Sauli,” Adam started as he helped me stand up straight again. “We’ve both got killer hangovers… Let’s just go back to my house and crash, okay?” His hand grabbed mine and he pulled me through the bedroom door and into the living room where there were passed out people everywhere. I groaned from the pounding in my head and let Adam pull me outside. When we got to my car, I pulled my keys out of my pocket.

“You drive,” I said, handing him the keys. Adam rolled his eyes as we both climbed into the car. The whole ride we silent. Mostly because it was awkward, I suppose. I mean, we both just found out that my mouth had probably somehow made contact with Adam’s dick while we were drunk last night.

As I watched the blur of trees go by, I realized that I didn’t really regret anything. I mean, of course I regret getting too drunk, but I don’t regret anything with Adam…

Shit, am I getting feelings for him?

I sighed as we pulled up to a decent sized house. It definitely wasn’t as big as mine was, but it was decent. Adam parked the car in the driveway then groaned when he saw his parent’s car. “Shit, I thought they wouldn’t be home…” He mumbled, waiting a second before getting out of the car. I bit my bottom lip, suddenly getting nervous. No way in hell was I going into that house, smelling like booze and looking shit, to meet Adam’s parents for the first time. No.

“U-Um... We could just go back to my house, if you want… Or I could just go home…” I said, starting to get back into the car when Adam’s hand grasped my wrist. I looked up at him and he sighed, sensing the nervousness in my eyes.

“We’ll just go in and go up to my room. They won’t care, don’t worry…” He pulled me by my wrist (damn, he must really have a thing for dragging people places) up to the door, about to open it, but I grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“Adam, we smell like booze and we look like complete shit…” I said, hoping he would just let me go home. I didn’t want to be here anymore.

He rolled his eyes, gripping the handle. “They’re cool, Sauli. They really won’t care. I promise,” he said, smiling reassuringly at me before opening the door. I bit my bottom lip, approaching the living room with Adam where his dad sat on the couch, reading the newspaper. He glanced up at us and smiled.

“Who’s your friend, Adam?” The man said, following his eyes to our hands. Adam’s hand was still wrapped tightly around my wrist and I tried to pull it away, but Adam wouldn’t let me. Shit, do his parents know he’s gay? And if they do, they’re gonna think we’re dating! Which we’re not!

“This is Sauli. Sauli, this is my dad,” Adam said, pushing me forward a little. I held out my hand, trying to put on a fake smile.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Lambert,” I said as he shook my hand. He smiled at me, before Adam grabbed my hand again. He pulled me to a staircase, and we were just about to start climbing it when a sweet-sounding voice called for Adam. He groaned quietly, pulling me through an archway that was directly next to the staircase.

“Mom, this is Sauli…” Adam said, introducing me again. His mom was sweet looking, and her smile made me feel a lot more comfortable. I was actually able to relax a bit.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lam-“ I started to say, but I was suddenly cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around me. The hug was warm, much like Adam’s hugs.

“It’s so nice to meet you! I’m glad Adam has made a friend!” She said, pulling away and smiling wide at me. I chuckled a little, looking at Adam whose cheeks were now burning bright red.

“Aww, I’m glad Adam’s letting me be his friend… He’s really stubborn…” I said, winking at Adam and nudging him playfully. He rolled his eyes, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back to the staircase that we climbed this time, walking straight and taking a right into a room. I assumed it was Adam’s room, and he collapsed onto the bed, looking up at the ceiling then glancing over at me. I laughed, shutting the door to Adam’s room.

“Your parents seem nice!” I said, flopping down next to Adam on the bed. My head rested right next to his, leaning on his shoulder partially.

“They’re alright. They don’t care that I’m gay, which is cool. My mom was actually excited because it meant more shopping…” He chuckled lightly at his own words and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the bright smile on his face that matched his bright eyes perfectly.

“Your parents know you’re gay?” I asked, thinking about how, if I ever told my parents that I was gay, they would hate me for sure. I frowned a little at the thought.

Adam shrugged, turning his head to look at me. “Yea. I told them when I was a freshman. I kinda had to…” He turned his head away again, this time look out the window to his other side.

I gripped Adam’s hand in mine, suddenly curious as I moved a little closer to him. “Had to?” I asked, watching Adam’s face intently.

The look on Adam’s face went from relaxed to nervous in about two seconds. “Uh, let’s save that conversation for another day…” I frowned a little, but I didn’t want to push it. Whatever the reason, it seemed private, so I would let Adam tell me when he was ready. “You should get some rest…”

I nudged my leg between Adam’s, wanting to be as close as possible. I saw his face get a little red and I said, “But I don’t want to rest. I want to stay up. With you…”

I felt Adam’s hands brush through my hair gently and I looked up at him. “Why though?” He asked, his eyes looking into mine. I felt my heartbeat quicken a little. Dammit. How do his eyes do that to me?

I looked down, rubbed circles into the back of his hand with my thumb before looking back up. “I like talking to you…” I said, smiling slightly at him. His lips parted slightly and his minty breath crashed against my skin. I breathed it in for a minute. I wanted to taste it… I wanted his lips against mine…

Shit, what’s happening to me?

I suddenly felt Adam’s hands on my hips and I was pulled on top of him, one leg on each side of his waist. I gasped quietly and my eyes widened. “Just talking…?” He said. My heartbeat quickened and I just wanted to attack his lips. I wanted to taste him, feel his tongue crashing against mine…

“Or something else, we can do anything…” I said, leaning my forehead against his. I closed my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again to see Adam’s staring back at me.

“Tell me… What you want…” He said, his breath heavy. Fuck, there were so many things that I wanted right now. His lips, his body, his kisses, his everything…

“I want you…” I said, letting out a soft moan. Our lips were inches apart, and I was about to lean in and press them together, about to finally feel what I’ve been craving for so long… But two little words from Adam stopped me.

“But… Why?” He said, sitting up. I was still on his lap, and he held me by my waist. “Why me? I’m nothing special!” He was suddenly angry, glaring daggers at me. My eyes widened. Where was this coming from? What is he talking about?

I gave him a confused look. “Yes, you are, Adam. You’re amazing…” I smiled at him, but for some reason my words only made him angrier.

“No, I’m not!” He nearly shouted, pushing me off his lap and onto the bed. I stared at him in disbelief as he spoke. “I don’t even know why you’re friends with me! A week ago, you hated my guts! I was just another loser you saw at school every day and made fun of!” He started pacing back and forth. What’s gotten into him?!

“Adam, what’s wrong?” I said, staring at him with concerned eyes. He glanced at me quickly before going back to pacing the room. “I wanna be your friend… Please, just stop…” I grabbed Adam’s hand, wanting to make him look at me.

His hand was ripped away, and his glare bore into my entire being. “You hate me! This is all messed up… I don’t get it… YOU BULLIED ME FOR YEARS! Why do you want to be my friend now?!”

I gulped, a little scared. I stood up, walking to him slowly. “I’m sorry, Adam… You’re my friend because I really like you…” I said, smiling lightly at him. In the beginning, this was all lies. In the beginning, it was just a stupid bet. But now, things have changed and I feel like I’m not lying to him anymore.

His breathing calmed and he looked at me with sad eyes. He sighed, “Okay, I’m sorry…" I smiled again, hugging him tightly before we heard his mom call for him. He pulled away from the hug, smiling at me before walking out the door. I started walking around his room, looking at everything. On his dresser was some makeup, open and scattered all over the place. I chuckled at it, smiling. But something by the edge of the dresser caught by eye. I quickly picked up the small bottle, gasping when I read the label.

ANTI-DEPRESSANT PILLS


	8. Lose Control

Adam:

“I heard yelling… did you take your pill today, Adam? I know you spent the night at Sauli’s, so maybe you didn’t bring your pills with you?” My mom asked as she cleaned some plates from breakfast with my brother and dad probably. Her words took a couple seconds to register and I moaned in distress, slapping my palm against my forehead. Fuck! I was so stupid. How could I forget to take my pill? I never forget! That hadn’t happened in so long! Stupid Sauli always making my life complicated… no, Adam, it is not his fault… It is your fault, remember that. It’s your fucked up head and fucked up personality’s fault. In addition, you just blamed it all on Sauli and now he probably thinks you’re an asshole. Crap.

“Shit, you’re right, I’m sorry Mom,” I said, walking over to the kitchen drawer, pulling it open and taking out a bottle. I popped it open and pulled out two pills, shoving them in my mouth and running my mouth under the faucet, drinking in the water. I shuddered as the pills ran down my throat and plopped into my stomach. I straightened up, smiling and feeling better, just knowing they were working now. I must have gotten angry because I just didn’t take them. However, that was no excuse. I need to apologize to Sauli because we were about to kiss. We were going to mess around and I ruined it because I am an idiot. “Thanks Mom,” I said, turning around, about to go upstairs until my mother said something…

“Apologize to Sauli. He seems like such a nice young boy, and I heard yelling… Make sure he knows it wasn’t his fault,” she said and I sighed, nodding and trotting back upstairs and opening the door. Like I wasn’t going to apologize to Sauli. I mean, I said I was sorry before I left, but it wasn’t genuine, ya know? Well, whatever, Sauli’s still kind of a dick in some ways. Or maybe I am just holding a grudge against him…

As I entered my room, I saw Sauli jump and he had something behind his back, but he quickly dropped it and took a step forward, smiling at me. I narrowed my eyes and looked behind him, seeing my bottle of pills on its side, gently rolling on some paper. My heart felt like it might explode. Did Sauli see them? I wanted to believe he hadn’t, but I know he did. Was he going to talk to me about it and try to console me? Or was he just gonna run out because he’s the rich dick I always thought he was? However, he was smiling at me and seemed to be acting normal. Sauli was not dwelling on it. I knew eventually that I should tell him if our relationship goes even further.

Sauli smiled, coming up and hugging me, leaning his head on my shoulder and I gulped, wrapping my arms around him and nuzzling my face into his hair. I breathed out, trying to forget about the pills, my depression, or our fight. Just live in the present right now. The universe obviously is giving me a wake up call to get my ass on track. Do not ruin this, Adam.

“I’m sorry for yelling. I didn’t mean it. I was being stupid…” I mumbled and he shook his head, pulling back and holding my face softly. He smiled. God, he was so gorgeous. I always knew it; I just told myself that I shouldn’t fall for someone like him. But now that he is my “friend”, I guess I can consider him beautiful. Not that I would ever say that—unless drunk.

“No, I pushed things, it’s my fault… I mean, if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. I just wanna make you happy,” he said, rubbing my cheek with the back of his hand. I felt my face get hot and I gulped and smiled. He looked back down, then up and said, “But… If you want to, that would be cool…,” he said, leaning up a bit and closing the gap between us. I gulped, shaking my head and pulling back, trying to stutter out something.

“U-Um, we could go to the pool instead. Ya know, take a dip or something?” I said and he frowned, slumping his shoulders, but then smiling and giggling. Oh god, he is adorable. His accent, those eyes, all those goddamn freckles on his face. And they’re not ginger freckles or anything, they’re just fucking adorable and I wanna kiss them so bad.

“Yes! We can go skinny dipping!” he said and my eyes widened. He twisted it into something sexual. I mean, I am all for sexual shit, but god, I cannot do this. I am so awkward. “We can do anything you want,” he said, grabbing my hand tightly in his and tugging me down the stairs. We took the porch door out to my pool. It was an enticing looking pool. Crisp blue water, even a diving board. There were a couple chairs set up for tanning I guess, but I burn in a matter of minutes so I’m rarely out here anymore. Neil and I would always come out here when we were younger, not that much now though.

Sauli dragged me out, pushing me down into a chair and straddling my waist. My eyes widened and he tugged on the bottom of his shirt, slowly taking it off, his tongue hanging out. My eyes lingered on his extremely tan chest. His hands trailed down to his belt and he tugged on it, his eyes never leaving mine, but my gaze fell as his belt exited each loop and he unzipped his pants. My breathing became a bit heavier as I imagined what he would look like naked. Fuck.

He laughed, standing up, and taking off his pants and jumping into the pool like a little kid with his briefs on. I furrowed my eyebrows, about to tell him skinny-dipping meant that no clothes were allowed on until his head peeked up from the surface, he lifted his hand, throwing his blue underwear at me, and it landed with a soft “splash” on my lap. I gasped, wiping them off my legs and feeling my face turn red. He laughed, winking at me and swimming up to the side of the pool. He pushed up so only his torso could be seen and I wanted to moan at how perfect his chest looked. He was so muscular… and his pecks were impeachable… His fucking nipples, shit… I am such a horny teenager. I would do so much to him if I could.

“Adam, come on in. It’s no fun if it’s just me,” Sauli said, running his fingers through his soaking hair. The small Mohawk fell limply to the side from the weight of the water. He licked his lips slowly, that tongue so perfect and I wanted it, but I am getting so ahead of myself.

“Sauli… I really don’t feel comfortable getting naked…” I said, looking down and fumbling with a towel I had grabbed from the towel rack outside. I was practically kneading it and gulping, nervous. I did not want Sauli to see my body after I have seen his. It was perfect and I had red chest hair and freckles everywhere. He could not possibly think that was attractive. I mean, he must hit the gym or something. Because he actually has dimples and muscle outlining on his body. I’m just gross, fuck.

I glanced up and he frowned, reaching up and grabbing for me. “Then don’t get naked. Just get in your underwear and jump in. Whatever makes you happy,” he said and I looked at him oddly. He has been using that “whatever makes you happy” thing too much since I walked upstairs. Nevertheless, maybe I am just being paranoid. Whatever…

I stood up, placing the towels by the side of the pool and taking off my shirt, glancing down shyly at Sauli when I saw him watching me like a hawk; I felt so self-conscious. I unzipped my pants and got those off as quickly as possible and I jumped into the pool with a soft splash next to Sauli. He smiled, swimming up to me and wrapping his arms around my neck, licking some of the water from my neck. I shuddered, breathing in shallowly. “Beautiful… _Upea_ …” he whispered and I blushed ever more. Upea? Is that Finnish?

“I’ll take off my briefs… If you help me…” I said and he smirked, rubbing my face with one hand while the other trailed down, gently pushing my briefs and I wiggled out of them, tossing them next to Sauli’s undies. He laughed, pressing his body against mine. I gasped, feeling every part of his body touch mine and I felt embarrassed. I looked away, staring at the water as if it was the most interesting thing there. In the corner of my eye, I could see Sauli frown.

“Do you like me, Adam?” he asked; my eyes immediately flew towards his and he seemed sad suddenly. His hands vanished from my face and our bodies were not pressed against each other anymore. “I mean, I know that in the beginning you really hated me. And I sort of forced this on you… and I just want you to be happy… And…” he sighed, looking down, my mouth opened a bit agape, and I lifted my hand, cupping his cheek in my palm.

“Sauli… I do like you… I mean, in the beginning I was just confused, don’t be sad… I’m just awkward, it’s my fault, that’s all,” I said and he shook his head, sighing.

“You promise? Because I do not want to be near you if it makes you sad…,” he said, looking miserable. I sighed, playing with his hair intently, loving the way it felt between my fingers. His face was so soft in my hands.

“I mean, it’s still weird. We are not really in each other’s social class, but whatever. I don’t care what people think. And if you don’t, then it’s all good, don’t worry,” I said and he smiled that wonderful smile I loved. He brought his hands up, pressing them against my chest and running his fingertips through my chest hair. I giggled and he looked up, leaning up quickly—like a flash—and pressing his lips gently against mine, but then immediately pulling back. My eyes widened and I felt a spark light off in my stomach. In addition, my lips felt like air and my head was dizzy. Sauli was looking wide-eyed up at me, and he seemed frozen. Therefore, I took the initiative to grab his face with both my hands and bringing his face back up to mine so our lips could touch again. When they meshed, he moaned loudly, pressing me against the side of the pool and gripping onto the edge as he squished against me. I gasped, opening his mouth with my tongue; they battled inside his mouth, and somehow, I won. He laughed, pulling back just enough to bite my lip and lick up my cheek then back down to my mouth where he closed the gap so we could kiss again. My eyes fell shut in contentment and I wasn’t sure how I lasted this long without a kiss from him.

I pulled away, panting and staring at him with wild and shocked eyes. “Do you want to take this up to your room?” he asked and I nodded, wanting to go upstairs more than anything.

And I could not agree more.


	9. So Wrong, So Right?

Sauli:

Fuck it. Fuck Niko, our other friends, just fuck everyone.

I wanted Adam. And I was not about to deny that to him or to myself. I felt something in that kiss. Something I've never felt before. It was as if there was a spark, like fireworks went off or something. I know that sounds really cliché, but it's truthfully what I felt. I've never felt so connected to anyone else. Although, I've only made out with girls and the occasional guy when no one else is watching. But that kiss... that kiss left me in awe. And I wanted more.

We climbed out of the pool, grabbing towels and our clothes, wrapping the towels around ourselves as fast as we could. My fingers laced with Adam's and I pulled him into the house, past the kitchen and the living room, thanking God when we didn't see his parents anywhere around. They must either be in their room or out at the store or something. The last thing we needed right now was to be stopped by his parents. As sweet as they are, I'm too hot and bothered to care about anything but Adam right now.

We finally made it to his room and I shut the door, dropping my clothes but still holding the towel around my waist. I looked at Adam, smirking and walking over to him. I was about to push him onto the bed when I felt his hands grasp my shoulders and spin us. His firm hands then pushed me onto the bed, and I could see that he liked being in the dominant position. Sexy.

Adam straddled my waist, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine, I moaned lightly, kissing him back and treading my fingers in his hair. His tongue broke the seam of my lips and I could have sworn my eyes rolled back in my head in pleasure. He tasted so good. How did we put off kissing for so long?

I let Adam's hands roam, sliding down to my waist and holding me. I could feel an ache starting to form between my legs. Adam pulled away from the kiss, not hesitating and going right for my neck. I turned my head to the side, letting out a deep moan when he bit down roughly, leaving a hickey that I would have to cover up later.

“Adam...” I moaned, feeling his hands start to play with the hem of the towel. I wanted so badly for him to take away both of our towels, but at the same time, I was afraid. I've never gone this far with a guy when I was sober. I've never slept with a guy and I sure as hell did not know this would be happening today. So many thoughts were running through my head.

Adam's lips broke from my neck and came back to my lips, kissing me hard again. His lips were like candy. So sweet and addicting. Our tongues fought for a few seconds before he was able to pin mine down, leaving me moaning. I took his tongue between my teeth, biting down enough to just make him moan. Then I sucked on it, moving my arms around his neck where I pulled him down. Our lips met again, and I felt the spark again. My heart was beating out of my chest.

Adam pulled away again, moving and kissing down my cheekbones, to my neck and to my chest, leaving soft kisses all over my body.

“Adam, mom wants to know- OH, EW, GROSS!”

Adam quickly rolled off me and my eyes widened. At the doorway, I saw Adam's little brother standing with his hands over his eyes. I gasped a little, feeling my cheeks grow red. I glanced over at Adam and he looked furious. “WHAT THE HELL, NEIL? WHY DIDN'T YOU KNOCK? GET OUT!”

And with that, there was a slam of the door, and it was once again only me and Adam in the room. I looked over at Adam, gulping and blushing lightly. A few seconds went by and I decided to say something. “Um...” I said, because I needed to break the silence. It was awkward, and I didn't like awkward. Hence, the reason why I was never actually friends with Adam.

Oh, shit. I just made out with Adam. Adam fucking Lambert. The guy who has no friends, who is the school “loser”. The only reason I'm his friend is because of the bet. But things have changed. But I still feel so guilty... Adam doesn't know about the bet. And he won't know. But why do I feel bad about kissing him? Okay, kissing was an understatement. We practically ate each other’s faces off. This is so, so wrong...

“I'm so sorry, Sauli...” Adam said, barely above a whisper. He was obviously just as embarrassed as I was. I mean, who wouldn't be? If you were making out with someone and your little brother walked in, you'd be pretty embarrassed, wouldn't you?

I stood up, grabbing my clothes and starting to pull them on. “I should go...” I said, tossing the towel aside after swiftly putting my pants on without Adam seeing my still slightly hard dick.

“W-Wait...” Adam said, grabbing his clothes and pulling them on too. After we both finished dressing, Adam stood, looking at me. “So that's it then? We have a freaking awesome make-out session and you just decide to leave?”

I didn't know what to say. It was completely obvious that Adam wanted more than just a friendship now. I silently cursed myself for getting into this situation. This was wrong. So, so wrong. But why did his lips feel so right on mine...?

“Adam, I... I don't want a relationship. I don't know if that's what you want, but... I'm not ready...” I said, hoping he wouldn't be mad at me. I just led him on and now I was telling him I wanted nothing more than a friendship.

Adam sighed. “So it meant nothing to you? Obviously, I want a relationship, Sauli! I like you! Isn't that obvious enough?” he said, waiting for my response. I was so scared. Whatever I say is going to hurt him. I'm not going to lie to him. It's bad enough that our friendship has been a lie; I don't need to lie anymore.

“I... No one else knows I'm gay, Adam! I can't just come out like that! I want to keep kissing you, I want to so badly... But I'm just not ready for a relationship with a... a man...” I looked down at my feet. I couldn't look at him right now. I've probably hurt him so badly...

I could hear him gasp slightly. “So I'm your booty call? You just want to make out whenever, but you want nothing more than friendship? Bullshit, Sauli! I'm not doing that!” he said, his voice slightly above normal speaking level. “I won't let you hurt me like that!”

The last sentence stung like a bee. If only he knew how much I already am hurting him. I felt my heart drop. “Adam, please... All I'm saying is that I want to be friends for now. I want to be friends and I want to kiss while I figure things out. Will you give me time? Will you wait for me, Adam?” I said, stepping a bit closer to him. He bit his lip, looking to the side for a second before his eyes met mine again.

“I... I don't know, Sauli...” Adam said, looking afraid. Afraid that I was going to hurt him. I hated seeing him so upset and unsure. I frowned, cupping his face in my hands. I leaned in, lightly placing my lips to his. This wasn't a rough kiss, it wasn't heated. It was gentle and soft, a kiss filled with... Um, never mind.

I pulled back, looking Adam in the eyes. “Please, Adam... I just need some time to figure things out... We can still kiss...” I said, smiling a little at him. He smiled back, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Okay, I'll wait for you...” he said, kissing me again. The kiss slowly got heated, his mouth meshing perfectly with mine. But I eventually pulled away, looking at him.

“I really do have to go though. I haven't been home in about twenty-four hours and my mom will start to get nervous,” I said, kissing him one last time before walking towards the door. “Bye, Adam...” I said, smiling lightly at him. He smiled back, mumbling some sort of goodbye. When I closed the door to his room, I smiled to myself. I think I might really like Adam.

***

I pulled a few things out of my locker, shoving them in my backpack. I hate Mondays. I want the weekend back. I shut my locker, about to turn around when I felt a pair of arms slither around my waist. I jumped, turning and pulling out of the persons grasp. I saw Adam standing there, looking confused. Shit, I hope no one saw that...

“Good morning, Sauli,” Adam said, leaning down towards me. Shit, what is he doing?! This is not what we agreed to! I pulled back, giving him a confused look.

“What are you doing, Adam?!” I said to him. He looked a bit shocked and I bit my lip.

“You said we could kiss... That's all I was doing,” He said, his voice sounding a bit bitter. I could tell he knew that I was embarrassed. Shit.

I was about to say something when the bell rang and Adam turned fast and walked away. I sighed, wanting to go after him, but I knew now wasn't the time. I would talk to him at lunch or something. I sighed, turning and walking to my second class.

Lunch came faster than I expected, and I found myself to be a little nervous. What if Adam hates me? What if he never wants to talk to me again? I sighed as the bell rang, walking out of class and to the cafeteria. I sat at our usual table, waiting for Adam. I watched as kids started filing into the cafeteria, not seeing Adam anywhere. Finally, I spotted him, smiling and waving him over. He looked at me for about two seconds before turning and walking right back out of the cafeteria. What the fuck? Where is he going? I looked around, seeing everyone caught up in their own conversations. Why did he leave?

I groaned, standing and running to the hallway. I got there just in time to see Adam walk into the bathroom. I walked over and opened the door, stepping inside. I let the door close behind me, putting my hands on my hips and looking at Adam. “What are you doing in here, Adam?! What's up with you today?! You're, like, pissed at me or something!” I said, not wanting to sound nervous. I didn't know if it showed through my tone as well as I wanted it to, but at least I tried.

Adam turned, looking at me. “Listen, Sauli. I don't want to be with you if you're not comfortable in your own skin!” he said to me, looking a bit angry.

“But we're not together, Adam! We agreed to just kissing, remember?!” I said. It was true. That's what we agreed to. We never said we were dating. I actually made it clear to him yesterday that we aren't dating.

“Yes, just kissing! And when I tried to kiss you today, you backed away. I'm not going to deal with this, Sauli! Hiding my feelings for you while we're around other people.” Adam glared at me a little. I threw a glare back. He said he would wait for me! I told him I wasn't ready to come out!

“I told you I wasn't ready to come out yet, Adam! I don't want to kiss in public! No one knows I'm gay!” The last sentence was whispered, just in case anyone happened to be walking by the bathroom at the time.

“I'd much rather be with someone who loved who they were... Than waiting for you...” Adam said, his tone softening. I felt my heart drop. Adam... doesn't want to wait for me...?

I took a step closer to him, “Adam, please...” I said, reaching for his hand. He pulled it away trying not to be harsh, not tearing his eyes away from mine.

He shook his head. “If you really wanted to be with me, you wouldn't be embarrassed to kiss me... Like in front of your friends...” Adam said, bringing up the relationship thing again.

I groaned. “We're not dating, Adam! We agreed to that! We agreed to just kissing!” I said, getting a bit angry. Dammit, Adam! Stop it!

“I knew I was only a booty call to you! Fuck you, Sauli! You're so fake and it poisons your personality!” I gasped and Adam glared. He didn't mean that... Did he...?

“Is that really what you think...?” I said. Adam just glared, making my fire grow bigger. “FINE! THEN DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN, YOU STUPID ASS FUCK!” I said, wanting to shove him, hit him, anything. But Adam is bigger than me, so that wouldn't end well. Even though I'm almost one hundred percent positive Adam wouldn't physically hurt me...

“DON'T WORRY, I WON'T. JUST GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR DICK FRIENDS.” Adam said, and I really couldn't deny that he was right. My friends are assholes, dicks, more than that. They're terrible people, but I need them to be popular. Without them, I would be a loner... Like Adam...

“GLADLY,” I said, turning on my heels and walking out the door. I didn't head back to the cafeteria. I headed right to my locker, swearing something in Finnish as fresh tears started to well up in my eyes.


	10. I Need A Fix

Adam:

I was so right about Sauli. About him being totally fake and fucking ridiculous. All he cares about is people thinking he is the most popular asshole in this goddamn school. Though, I was also to blame. To think someone like him would even remotely find someone like me appealing. It was so wrong. But I could not deny myself the utter connection I felt with him. I needed his lips, his touch, and his sweet laugh. I mean, I never thought I would ever be in this kind of chokehold. It made me furious knowing he had this kind of spell over me. It was my fault. I allowed this sort of thing to happen. It was my fault for falling under his curse and becoming submissive to his dirty lies. How could I fall for someone so selfish?

Our fight was only three days ago, but it felt like a never-ending spiral of time. I was all alone again. Now that I have had a taste of what friendship is, I want it even more. The only company I have is my notebook. And my songs, but that’s all. These utterly depressing songs I’ve been conjuring up. My favorite is “Underneath.” That one came from the very depths of my soul and I would never expose it to anyone… It carried and harbored my very soul. I needed it like oxygen. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if it got into the wrong hands of someone…

But someone taking my song book was the least of my worries. I missed Sauli. I wanted him near me again, much more than I would want to admit. I wanted to be with someone I could hold hands with or give kisses to in public. And I completely understand how he doesn’t want to come out. I was petrified to. But he has me for support. I didn’t have anyone when I came out! No one to look up to, no one to hold my hand during the struggle. Hell, he could have me as a boyfriend if he wasn’t so scared. But I do blame myself for the fight. I was so insecure with myself. I thought that if we couldn’t be affectionate in public, he would just get sick of me and not think we were special. I was stupid, but I can’t help but be mad at Sauli as well…

I sighed, shoving my notebook in my backpack and glancing around. The crowds were dispersing as they went to their third period class. I was in no rush to go to Social Studies. Fuck, I hate history. I hate school. I will never be able to launch my singing career if all I care about is subjects in school that won’t help me in everyday life.

After slamming my locker shut, I turned, making my way down the hallways and turning a corner until I was rammed against a section of lockers. My eyes widened and I looked in front of me, seeing Niko. The tall brunet was wearing a black hat…baseball hat or something, I don’t know. All I know is that he looked menacing and like he wanted to destroy me. He was only an inch or so taller than me…And I was wearing boots (fierce boots at that)…

“Why ain’t you hanging with Sauli anymore, Adam?” he asked, his voice low. He was demanding an answer, but I was curious as to why he even cared. Wouldn’t he like me to not be friends with his best friend? I wasn’t even sure if they were that close, but it didn’t really matter because Niko was mean. Fucking dick and just an asshole in general. As long as Sauli hung around him, he would always be popular and that’s all that mattered to Sauli apparently…He doesn’t want to end up like me.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business…” I hissed, shoving him off me and straightening my shirt. I am not sure where I got the courage but I was so not in the mood for shit right now. His eyes widened and I looked around at the three other boys around him. I’ve seen them hang around him like leeches. Normally, Sauli’s in this mix, but not today. Of course he’s not here the one time I need him. Fucking great. I can fight my own battles though. It doesn’t matter. I would just like to see if he actually did something.

Niko growled grabbing my hair and ramming my head into the lockers. I groaned, glaring at him. His nostrils flared. “You’re talking pretty smug for someone who’s about to get their ass kicked…” I gulped. He lifted his fist up and brought it down hard, right at my face. The impact made my head turn to the side and I moved my jaw, groaning and feeling blood trickle down the side of my mouth. The swelling had already begun because my eye hurt. I coughed a little, turning back and lifting my hands, shoving him off me. Fuck, I was not going to deal with this shit right now. I brought my fist up and swung, colliding right with his cheek. He gasped, falling back from surprise. I panted, glancing to the side and seeing Sauli. My eyes widened and I grabbed my backpack, quickly running down the hall. I was not going to wait for Sauli or anyone else to hurt me or talk to me about anything. I just needed to get home at this point.

I barged through the doors leading outside and began to swiftly walk down the sidewalk back to my house. I was panting, almost in shock. Did I just punch NIKO…The Niko in the face? Oh god, what did I just do? I’ll be suspended or something. This will just draw a giant target on my back, I don’t need this shit. Fuck, I messed up so bad. God damnitt, it’s not my fault though! Niko attacked me; it was all self-defense, right? How am I going to tell my mom about the green bruise under my eye? Okay, calm down and get home. That is your main concern right now…

The front of my house slowly drew closer until I ran through the door, quickly shutting it and trotting up the stairs. I slammed my door shut, thanking the universe that my mom was at work and my dad was probably at his friend’s house or something, I don’t know and I don’t really care at this point.

I groaned, falling on my bed and moaning in pain. My face hurt so much, shit. I rolled over, shutting my eyes, ready to sleep until I felt a buzzing in my pocket. It was probably my mom. She’s the only one that ever texts me. Shit.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, seeing the message was from Sauli. My stomach started flopping…Was he mad at me? Did he hate me now? Ugh, what do I even care anymore? It’s just stupid…I flipped my phone open and the message read: “Adam can we talk”

I rolled my eyes, tossing my phone on the floor and crawling up to my pillow, allowing my head to fall on the soft plush. I sighed, shutting my eyes and allowing my head to go into a deep trance…  
*** 

It felt like I was floating or something because it felt so good. Something was rubbing against my face, something soft and small. Gentle and loving. Against my nasty bruise that would probably be there for weeks. But it didn’t matter because this ginger touch was healing the pain. A small smile played on my lips as my arms wrapped around the small human. I pulled them in as closely as I could. And the name just tumbled out of my mouth. This trance was lovely…

“S-ow-liiiii…” I moaned, nuzzling my face into some soft hair…like a Mohawk shape, I wasn’t sure, but it was awesome. I kissed soft skin…more skin… until I reached those luscious lips I had been craving for so long. The ones I wanted to have forever to taste whenever I wanted too. I wanted him right now…but I didn’t at the same time…

My eyes opened slowly, tiredly. I smiled, nuzzling my face into Sauli’s cheek and he ran his hand up my arm…until I realized what was happening.

I gasped, pulling away and pushing Sauli away from me. His eyes widened and he sat up, looking at me. I looked at him and he looked so god damn hot. But I couldn’t let my attraction to him get the better of me! “What the fuck are you doing here?! Get out!” I yelled, standing up and pointing at the door. Sauli stood up too, shaking his head and coming closer. I glared, not wanting him to touch me.

“Adam…Stop…Just let me talk… I am sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it, okay? I really like you… I’m just not ready… Coming out is hard, you know that… Don’t rush me…,” he said, looking sad and fumbling with his fingers. I felt my heart break a little. I knew he was right, I just couldn’t admit it. I wanted him so badly…But I wanted him right now, not later. Though, I knew I was being so selfish by making him feel this way. I was about to say something, but he beat me to it, “And Niko… I am so sorry… Are you okay? I can’t believe he did that…Adam, I’m so sorry…” He looked like he was about to cry and I felt like I was going to throw up. How did he do this to me?

“Sauli… I’m sorry, it’s just… I like you so much…and I know that… You can find someone so much better, I just don’t wanna take that chance, I’m sorry…” I said, looking down. I felt a pair of warm hands grab my face and made my eyes look at Sauli’s adorable looking face. His thumb gently rubbed my bruise and I purred, cuddling closer into his hand.

“Don’t worry, Adam. There’s no one else I want more than you…” he said, pressing his lips against mine. I shut my eyes, grabbing the back of his head and bringing him closer. Every time we kissed, I kept feeling that same nervous feeling in my stomach. But I wouldn’t change it for anything because I knew that it meant the kiss was genuine.

He moaned, walking forward as I walked backwards until I reached the end of my bed. I grabbed onto Sauli, falling back on the bed and rolling over so I straddled his waist. Our lips never parted until I tugged on his shirt and lifted it. He held up his arms and our lips separated. He smiled, winking. “Is your door locked this time?” he asked and I blushed, nodding. I was not going to let my brother sneak in on us this time. I’m just thankful he didn’t tell our parents…he’s good at keeping secrets…

“Yes… no one can disturb us…” I mumbled, going down and gently kissing his neck. He groaned, gripping onto my hair and tugging at it. His other hand came up and gently rubbed my bruise. It didn’t hurt so much as feel amazing that he cared… I smiled, my hands trailing down his perfect chest, towards his black belt. I trailed each muscle indent and that tanned skin of his. I was just about to get to work on it when Sauli spoke.

“Wait…Adam… do you have…You know…The stuff we need?” he asked. I sat up on his stomach and smiled. I reached over to my bedside table and opened up the first drawer, pulling out a tube and condom, tossing them on the bed.

“Of course. Did you really think I’d be unprepared?” I asked and he blushed, looking nervous. I frowned, kissing his cheek. “Baby, we can just mess around… I mean, it’s not like we’re boyfriends or anything. I can understand if you want your first time to be with someone—“

“No, shush… This is amazing, I want this…I’m excited… Have you ever…?” he started and I shook my head. “Yea, me neither… It’ll be our first time together…” and he smiled, sitting up and kissing me gently. I smiled back, nuzzling into his neck and thinking…

There’s a first time for everything.


	11. So Bittersweet

Sauli:

“It'll be our first time together...” I said, smiling lightly at Adam. I sat up and kissed him gently. I was past the point of giving a shit. I didn't care anymore about anything. The only thing that mattered right now was Adam. I wasn't thinking about Niko, the bet, or anything else. Adam had my full attention.

He pushed me back on the bed, kissing me roughly. I moaned, my eyes shutting as I tugged at his shirt. Our lips parted as he grabbed the hem, pulling it off himself. He leaned back down, kissing me again. When he started fumbling with my belt, I pulled away. “Wait...” I said, sitting up. He looked at me oddly, and I could see panic starting to take over in his eyes as he feared rejection. But before he could say anything, I pushed Adam back down on the bed. I smirked, crawling to him and straddling his waist. “I have no intentions of topping, don't worry,” I said, leaning down and kissing him again. His hands wrapped around my neck and mine trailed down to his waist.

My hands tugged at his jeans, pulling them down slightly. I pulled away from our kiss, smirking at him. I could see the lust in his eyes and that nearly drove me insane. I was hard as a rock and I wanted my pants off.

I managed to get Adam's pants off, and I could see his erection through his underwear. I was too uncomfortable to keep my pants on, so I tugged mine off too. I positioned myself so I came face-to-face with Adam's hard-on. I looked up at Adam who had his head thrown back on the pillows and his eyes shut tight. I looked back down, gently palming him through his underwear. I heard a moan come from him and I bit my lip. God, that was beautiful.

After a few minutes of teasing and listening to Adam's beautiful moans, I tugged his underwear off. As soon as they were thrown to the side with the rest of our clothes, my eyes widened. Adam was huge. Bigger than I've ever seen in any porno, at least. I had seen it before, but I was way too drunk to remember this beauty. I blushed, looking up at Adam again. He was looking down at me. I gave him a questioning look and he nodded in reassurance. I smiled, looking back at his throbbing cock. It was now or never.

I leaned down, gently flicking my tongue across the head of his erection. I heard him moan again, so I got more confident, taking the head in my mouth. I felt Adam's hand grip my hair and he tugged at it, making me moan which sent vibrations through to Adam's cock. “Fuck, Sauli...” he mumbled, nearly making my eyes roll back in my head at how he said my name so intensely.

It wasn't long before I was taking Adam all the way in, bobbing my head. He was letting out the most pleasurable sounds, making me feel like I could come at any second. I reached down, jerking myself off as I sucked hard on Adam's cock. When I glanced up, he was looking at me in such a lust-filled way, I felt myself getting closer and closer to that point.

I stopped touching myself when I felt like I was getting too close. I didn't want to come that way. I wanted to come looking at Adam while he was inside of me. I wanted to feel complete, not like any other time in my bedroom alone. Although this was far from me sitting alone and wanking to some porn, it would still feel the same if I came because of my own hand.

“F-Fuck, Sauli... I'm so close...” Adam said, tugging roughly on my hair. I pulled my mouth off his cock that was dripping with pre-come, moving up to his lips and kissing him harshly. I pulled away, looking into his eyes.

“Not yet...” I whispered, grabbing the condom and lube. I sat on Adam's legs as I ripped open the condom with my teeth, throwing the wrapper to the side. I gently started to unroll the condom onto Adam's cock, not wanting to make him come just yet. I wanted him to come inside of me, even if he did have a condom on. It would just make it so much better.

I grabbed the lube, squirting some into my hand and rubbing it over Adam's cock. He moaned, saying, “S-Shit, just let me get in you...” I smirked, licking my lips. I leaned up, kissing him one last time. His tongue made its way into my mouth and I bit down on it lightly, sucking. When I pulled away, Adam placed his head back on the pillows, taking a deep breath.

I was nervous. There was no denying that. Adam was huge, and this was my first time. I knew it was gonna hurt like a bitch, but I wanted this so badly, no matter what the consequences were. I wanted Adam inside of me, completing me.

After Adam finally managed to put three lubed fingers into me and stretch me out as much as he could, I somehow panted, “Are you ready?” to Adam and straddled his waist. He only nodded and I took a deep breath. I positioned myself above his cock, going down slowly. I felt the head start to enter me and I bit my bottom lip. Shit, that burned. I pushed in a little more, moving slowly. Adam's heavy breathing and deep moans motivated me to go a bit fast, and finally it was all the way in.

I started bouncing up and down gently, and Adam's hands grabbed my hips. Fuck, this felt so good in such a painful way. It burned, yet I couldn't get enough. Adam wasn't just moaning anymore, he was cursing, not to mention loudly. It was such a turn on.

“Vittu, niin hyvä...” I mumbled, moving quicker. I never thought my first time would be like this. In a way, I always thought my first time would be some random guy I picked up at a club or something. I never knew I would actually have feelings for the guy that was fucking me for the first time. But I have a feeling that having sex with someone you care about feels so much better than being banged by a random twink.

“Yes... Fuck... Faster...” Adam said. Normally the person bottoming would be the one to say things like “faster” and “harder”, but since I was riding Adam, things were different. But I liked different, so it was perfectly fine with me.

“I'm so close, Adam...” I mumbled, going even faster. I loved the feeling of Adam inside of me. Just like I had predicted, I felt complete. Like this is where I'm supposed to be. “Shit!” I yelled, throwing my head back. I felt Adam's hands grip my hard on as I bounced up and down on his.

“Come on, Sauli... Come for me baby...” He said, jerking me off. I clenched my eyes shut, feeling a jolt run through my body as I released. I called out in pleasure, hearing Adam's scream not too long after. My body went limp and I fell on top of Adam. I could feel the stickiness on our stomachs, but I didn't care right now. I breathed deeply, trying to catch my breath. I pulled off Adam, whimpering. I rolled off him and lay by his side. I felt pain in my lower back, and I groaned, cuddling close to Adam's side. It was silent for a bit while we both caught our breath. Then Adam decided to speak up.

“That... Was so amazing...” he said, looking over at me. I smiled, nodding and grabbing his face with my hands, kissing him. But this kiss wasn't sexual. It wasn't lust-filled. It expressed all the feelings I had for Adam that I couldn't manage to say aloud. When I pulled away, Adam's eyes searched mine before he pulled me close to his side. I smiled to myself, grabbing a corner of his sheets and sitting up, ignoring the pain in my lower back. I quickly wiped off both of our stomachs before lying back down and cuddling close to Adam.

“I'm so glad... You decided to be my friend...” Adam said. My heart started beating faster and suddenly I felt guilt take over my body. Shit. The bet. The stupid bet. I need to tell Adam... But what good will that do, really? Well, I mean, he deserves to know the truth... I sighed. I will tell him, but not right now. Not in this amazing moment.


	12. Nothing Left For Me

Adam:

My eyes slowly opened, the tired feeling weighing heavy on my lightly covered lids. I blinked a couple times, attempting to adjust my pupils to the newfound light… I yawned, rolling over; that’s when my eyes caught sight of Sauli’s sleeping figure. His arm was neatly tucked under his ear and he looked at peace. That perfect Mohawk of his was ruffled, almost out of its mold…However, every time he shifted, his face would contort with pain, then quickly fade when he stopped moving. I frowned, knowing his pain was my doing, but hey, totally worth it. Fucking sex is awesome. Especially with Sauli. It was one of the most memorable experiences I will ever have. The fact he chose me to take his virginity just makes me know he is different from everyone else. That he is better than them…even if he still won’t be my boyfriend. He flat our refuses it…

I shook my head from the negative thoughts, knowing this was a bliss moment for me. Therefore, I just smiled to myself and heard Sauli groan, rolling over and opening those oceanic eyes of his. He blinked, seeing me and grinning. “Mm, good morning, Adam,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes and yawning. I smiled, placing my hand on his hip and rubbing it. He giggled, glancing up.

“Good morning, gorgeous. How are you feeling?” I asked, genuinely concerned. I mean, we didn’t go that hard because we didn’t really know what hard was. We were both inexperienced, but if there were a second time—which I so hope there is—I wouldn’t mind to go rough. I always found myself to be rough in some way. Though, I wasn’t going to become optimistic. I mean, I just need to be realistic, ya know?

He shrugged, twirling his finger in my chest hair, “I am fine…A bit sore, but that is to expect. I rode you last night… You know how awesome it felt?” he whispered and I moaned lightly, just imagining what it felt like. He smirked, leaning up and kissing my lips hard, lust filling all my bones. I grunted, wrapping my arms around his waist and nudging my leg in between his, forcing my tongue in his mouth. It took residence, tasting every inch of his luscious mouth and he moaned, shutting his eyes and yanking at my hair. He pushed his weigh to the side and managed to pin me under him, our mouths still meshing. I blinked, glancing at the clock, seeing the time…

I pulled back just enough to speak. “B-Babe…we have to go to school,” I mumbled against his lips, though it came out in a bit of a slur. He seemed to understand because he just rolled his eyes. His fingers trailed through my hair and his tongue licked my lips. It was so soft and I flicked my tongue against his, just to taste him again.

“This is more important,” he said and I blushed. Of course, I was flattered he wanted to kiss me more than go to school and hang out with his friends, but I cannot just miss. My mom will suspect something. Speaking of my mom, where were my parents? That wasn’t really a concern of mine last night. I hope they didn’t hear anything they could hold against me later. Fuck. Stop being a worrywart Adam, just live in the moment.

I pulled away from the kiss and Sauli looked at me with an evident pout. Cute. “We can’t be late…Detention…” I murmured, sitting up and holding him close to me. He mumbled something and I just shut him up with my lips. “Later,” I said, sliding him off me and getting up from the bed. I went over to my closet to grab some clothes when I heard Sauli mutter something immature. It sounded like ‘goody-two-shoes’. I just rolled my eyes, throwing on my gray Queen shirt (they are awesome) and a pair of tight black skinny jeans. Over those, I pulled on my maroon boots. I checked the mirror and my hair had that awesome “after sex” look. No one would ever think I had sex, but whatever. I put on some eyeliner and sauntered over to Sauli who just had on his clothes from yesterday. I hugged him. “Don’t worry. We have after school. And weekend…and breaks…and summer…” I said and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. He looked so happy. It made my heart beat even faster. He really wanted to be with me that long? Well, not be with me considering we’re not boyfriends. Fuck, it hurt so much not being able to call him mine. I frowned, grabbing his hand as we walked out my door, down the stairs and towards the front door.

We reached Sauli’s car and let go of each other. The loss made me feel empty, but I should just get used to it, right? Sauli doesn’t actually want to be seen with me in public. However, when I entered the passenger’s seat, Sauli’s hand immediately grabbed mine as he backed the car up. It made me happy and I smiled, lifting our intertwined hands together and kissed the back of his. He giggled, winking at me as we drove to school. The ride was quiet, but not awkward. We were just enjoying each other’s company and presence. Moreover, I really enjoyed Sauli’s presence…

When we got closer to the school, Sauli let go of my hand and placed them both on the steering wheel. I glared, staring straight ahead. Whatever. I knew he didn’t want to be mine…But I really wanted him like that…it was this overwhelming feeling that I don’t think he understood.

Then when he parked the car, an idea sparked in my head. If we had sex, that has to be a different level of comfort right? Maybe he would let us hold hands…So I walked over to his side of the car and reached my hand out, only grazing his fingers before his hand ripped away like I poured acid on his goddamn flesh.

He looked up at me, his eyes swimming with emotion. “We can’t, remember? We talked about this last night, don’t you remember?” he asked and my nostrils flared. I cannot believe this! How am I supposed to walk around this man as if I don’t have feelings for him? Like we don’t kiss? Like we didn’t have sex? How am I supposed to pretend he’s fucking straight?!

“You should go hang out with Niko and them today, Sauli…” I glowered, walking faster towards my locker. I heard Sauli sigh, his footsteps matching mine. Fuck. He should just leave me alone! I don’t care if I’m being a diva right now! I am pissed off!

“Adam, we can do whatever you want…just not at school…” His voice was lower. God forbid someone found out we had something! Oh wait; we didn’t have anything because Sauli doesn’t want to be my boyfriend! God damn it!

I snapped my head towards him, “I’m not gonna have sex with someone and pretend that I don’t like them Sauli. I want to be in a relationship with you! And you can’t give me that…” I kept my voice low for his benefit.

He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, “Don’t force me to come out.” That was all he said before I couldn’t take it anymore and turned my back, storming to my first class. Which I actually had with Sauli…but I had a feeling he would ditch. What-the-fuck-ever!

I stormed into the classroom, taking any seat I could find. I normally sat in the front, but I saw a seat in the corner at the back and it suited my mood… I shuffled to it, pulling out my songbook, suddenly feeling relieved. I was about ten minutes early, so the teacher wouldn’t be in for a while. I loved this thing so much. It was my life source—

“Well what the fuck do we have here?” I heard a voice and suddenly my notebook was gone. I felt immediate panic and the sudden desire to just throw up. I glanced up and saw Niko, holding my worn out book, flipping through it and laughing. My eyes widened in frantic fear and paranoia. Oh god…

“What the fuck, Niko?! Give it back!” I yelled, standing and reaching for it, but he held it up. He smirked, placing his hand on my chest and pushing me back. I stumbled, but regained my balance. I held my ground, wanting to just punch him in the goddamn face again.

“Payback’s a bitch, huh? This is for my bruise,” he said. I was assuming I didn't get in trouble for punching him because he didn't tell anyone. Probably made up a story about how he got it during football or some shitty scenario like that; he was probably embarrassed to tell anyone Adam Lambert punched him. Ha. He flipped through my book and his eyes caught something. “I don’t know who I should believe in, everybody’s an authority. Fragments don’t count…Can’t say all the little things that I wanna tell you right now…” I flinched. He was reading it so outta context. But no, fuck! “What is this garbage? Is this about SAULI? You have GOT to be kidding me, oh my god, so sad…”

I panicked, lifting up my boot and slamming the heel of it on Niko’s foot. He cried out in pain and I swiftly grabbed my precious object, taking a couple steps back and clenching it close to my chest. Damnitt.

Niko cursed under his breath, glaring at me, “You know, that song is about Sauli. He’s not a FAG like you, loser! He doesn’t like you! Give it up…” he replied darkly, his tone menacing. I gulped, not believing what he was saying. Sure, Sauli may not want to come out for me, but he still liked me…

“Fuck off! You don’t know Sauli! You’re just some asshole he hangs out with…” I said assertively, holding my stance. I would not let him make me believe differently about Sauli. I was really starting to fall for him… I wouldn’t let Niko falter my appreciation of that… I felt something for Sauli I had never felt before. I know Sauli doesn’t like me like that because he doesn’t even like me enough to come out, but I can’t change my feelings towards him…

He laughed and it made me nervous, “I don’t know Sauli? Did he tell you about the bet? He’s only friends with you because he wants money. That’s IT. We bet that if Sauli could make you popular in one month, we’d give him money. Why would anyone as popular as Sauli even THINK of talking to someone like you?” he said and I felt my heart break in my chest. It couldn’t be true. Sauli wouldn’t do something like that to me. Niko was lying. He had to be.

I growled, grabbing all my stuff and slinging my backpack over my shoulder, marching out of the class. I didn’t care if I ditched. I needed to find Sauli.

I glanced back and forth the hallways, looking at some random lockers and not seeing him. I highly doubt he left school, so I turned, and sauntered back towards our lockers and then seeing Sauli conveniently come around the corner. No one else was out because class probably should have started already. I suddenly felt nausea. What if what Niko said was true? Were we really never friends? As we neared each other, Sauli smiled and I mumbled softly, “Sauli…”

He smiled at me, walking closer until he was about five inches away from me. God forbid he come any closer, someone might see. “Adam, I’m so sorry about this morning. I like you, and I love what we’re becoming, but I’m just not ready to come out yet, you know this…,” he said. Fucking lies. All of it.

My eyes narrowed and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, “This was all a bet? You were only friends with me to get money?” I snapped. His face seemed to pale and his breathing hitched. Oh god, it was true. No, fucking no. Could all this happiness just be a lie?

“Adam…W-Who told you?” he asked slowly and I felt the rage coil up in my stomach and erupt. I couldn’t believe this! How could I have been so stupid?! Of course, someone like him would never want to associate themselves with me! How could I belittle myself and allow him to trespass into my life? This was ridiculous; you’re so stupid Adam, god damnitt!

“Does it really matter who told me Sauli?! The thing is, is that it’s true! How could I be so stupid and think someone like you would even remotely like someone like me?! I’m a fucking loser…This is why we couldn’t be together!” I exclaimed, glaring madly at him, feeling like I might cry. This is the worst thing that could happen to me. I can’t believe it.

Sauli shook his head, taking a step forward, but I reclined, not even wanting to be in the same area as him. “N-No, please Adam… it started out that way, it did…But it all changed! I have feelings for you, and it’s not a bet anymore… I like you so much Adam, please b-believe me Adam…,” he mumbled, his voice hitching like he might start to cry. And normally, I would hate Sauli to cry but at this point, I really didn’t care. He can go cry me a fucking river.

I growled, “Just shut the fuck up! I can’t believe I fell for you! I can’t believe we had sex! It’s disgusting!” I spat quietly, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. Did I truly regret what we did last night? I don’t know, I was so confused. Everything was just spinning and I was angry…

Sauli’s mouth opened and I saw his eyes overflow with water, then break. “You regret having sex with me? Adam, I promise you, I was gonna tell you, I was just scared...”

I scoffed, “Scared?! You were scared to tell me?! Bullshit Sauli! I can’t believe this! I hate this… I want to hate you right now! But I don’t! I hate myself for loving you!” I blurted out completely unaware of what I just spilled out. My eyes widened and Sauli stood there, shocked. I opened my mouth to take it back, but I couldn’t; I was terrified. So I just turned and ran out the doors of the school.


	13. Tracks Of My Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo sorry for the late updates. I really suck at posting chapters.

Sauli:

“I want to hate you right now! But I don’t! I hate myself for loving you!” My eyes widened. Adam... Adam loved me...? Wait, no, this cannot be true... He doesn't love me... He can't love me! We never even started dating! This must be a mistake!

But when I looked at Adam's face, I knew what he said was the truth. He seemed shocked, as if it was the first time he said it aloud, or like he wasn't ready to tell me. And to be honest, I wasn't ready to hear it. No one has ever told me they loved me. And Adam didn't say it past tense. He said it present tense. He... He loves me...

I suddenly felt tears fill my eyes. Tears of pure regret. Because I know that if I had just ended that stupid bet when I should have, none of this would be happening. Adam wouldn't be admitting his love for me but “breaking up” with me at the same time. I wouldn't be standing here crying, wishing I had given him a chance.

I wanted to say something, say anything, but I couldn't. Adam was out the door before I could even comprehend what was really happening. Adam wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He was done with me. Sure, he loves me, but that doesn't really mean shit, does it? I put him through so much pain, and now he thinks that everything was just one big lie. But it wasn't. I mean, sure, in the beginning it was, but not after about three days. I should have ended it. I should have ended that stupid bet.

I let out a sob, my hands covering my face as my back met with the locker. I slowly slid down it, just letting everything out. I didn't care who saw me. I didn't care what people thought. I just didn't care. Adam was the only thing on my mind.

My arms snaked around my knees, pulling them to my chest. I rested my chin on one of my knees, looking around and just replaying the scene that just took place in my head. Why does this hurt so much? Any normal person would be able to get over this quickly. Why do I feel like this pain is going to be here forever? Suddenly, realization hit me.

I love Adam.

***

I took a deep breath, wiping the last few tears from my face before stepping out of the car and starting towards the school. I haven't stopped crying at all. I cried on the way home yesterday, I cried when I got home, and I cried myself to sleep. The morning only brought more tears. I don't know how I'm going to make it through school without breaking down at least once. But I would have to try. My parents would never let me stay home for something like this. Plus, they don't even know I'm gay.

The thought of coming out to everyone didn't seem to bother me as much as it did a few days ago. When you love someone, you would do anything for him or her. And I love Adam. I still haven't said it aloud because it does kind of freak me out, but I know I love him. Because this pain would not feel sharper than knives if I didn't love him.

I made it into the school, students rushing by me. I looked around, not seeing Niko yet. I sighed. This was going to be a long day.

My eyes found Adam. He was at his locker, shoving things in roughly. He was still mad, I could tell. There was no point in trying to talk to him now. He would probably blow up at me in front of everyone. I felt tears again, but I wouldn't let them escape my eyes. I wouldn't let everyone see me cry.

I looked away from Adam, my eyes spotting Niko. I walked over to him slowly, my head down as I stared at the floor. There were so many things I wanted to do to Niko right now. Punch him in the face, kick him in the balls, and just tell him the truth. But I wouldn't. Because that would start a completely new mess of problems that I didn't need to deal with. Plus, if I told Niko about Adam and me, I would be dragging Adam into all the drama. And I don't want to hurt Adam anymore.

“You're not talking to that fag anymore? Good. He's really weird. He wrote a song about you. He's so gay he's just afraid to come out. I bet he was gonna try to turn you. Disgusting,” Niko said, chuckling. I just wanted to hit him. Hit him so hard for saying all those things about Ad- Wait. Adam... Adam wrote a song about me? Shit... How does Niko know this? What did the song say? Was it good or bad? God, I feel like complete shit! I was lying to Adam the whole time and he was writing songs about me! Fuck. My. Life.

The day dragged on slowly, and all I could think about was Adam. Adam's face, Adam's hair, Adam's touch, Adam's everything. Often I found myself zoning out and smiling at the thought of just being with Adam. Being happy with him as he held me in his arms, kissing me gently... But every time the pain started to go away, just for a little bit, a teacher would snap me back to reality, telling me to pay attention. Then the tears would well in my eyes, the tears that I haven't let fall all day. The tears that held all the things I wanted to say to Adam, but couldn't. Why did I ever want to be popular? It doesn't do good things for you. It just makes the whole school think of you as an asshole and hate you. Then you are sucked into all this drama that you never wanted.

By the end of the day, I was feeling completely worn out and depressed. I just wanted to go home and cry again. Sob into my pillow. I sighed, walking out of my last class and to my locker. I started collecting all the things I needed, not that I would be doing much homework tonight. When I was finished, I shut my locker, seeing Adam at his doing the same thing I was doing just a second ago. I took a deep breath, trying to contain myself as I walked over to him.

I tapped his shoulder lightly. But when he turned around, suddenly everything I wanted to say to him was lost. I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't. I really had nothing to say. And Adam didn't care. He just glared at me coldly, slamming his locker shut and starting to walk away. No, please don't go...

I grabbed his wrist, as the tears started to flow down my cheeks. Finally. They had to come sometime. “Fucking leave me alone.” Adam spat at me as he ripped his wrist from my grasp. He turned, leaving the school. Tears continued to flow freely, so I bolted to my car, getting in and just sobbing. Letting all the tears finally come out. Let all the pain take over my body, because I knew it wouldn't be going away for a while. Just let myself slowly die.

***

I had been staring at my ceiling for hours, tears streaking my face. I couldn't feel anything but pain. I couldn't think of anything but Adam. And I didn't want anything but to explain everything.

After a while, I decided staring at the ceiling all day wouldn't do anything. I got up from my bed, planning on going to the bathroom, but before I made it there, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy from crying so much, my hair was a mess, and you literally could see the tracks of tears on my face. I sighed, positioning myself in front of the mirror.

I cleared my throat, before picturing Adam staring back at me instead of myself. “Um... Hi, Adam...” I said to my reflection. I didn't know if this would help me at all, but it was worth a shot. “I know you're mad at me...” In my head, I could see Adam crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at me. “But... I'm really sorry... And I should have told you about the bet sooner... And I should have stopped it...” I took another deep breath, forcing myself to just say everything. “And I know... You want to be boyfriends... And you wanna hold hands... And I want all that too... And I'm willing to... C-Come out for you... Because...” Just do it, Sauli. Say it. This is just practice. If you can't say it during the practice round, how are you actually going to say it to Adam? “Because I love you...” I spit out, my eyes widening. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but I know that I still need to say it to Adam. Admitting it aloud to myself isn't really anything.

***

It's been a week. A week since Adam told me he loved me, a week since he technically “broke up” with me, even though we were never together. A week since my world came crashing down on me. But I needed to get out. I needed to do something. And the park seemed like a perfect idea.

I wanted to walk, not drive there. It was better exercise. Plus, I liked nature. A lot. I had my squirrel feeder with me so I could feed some squirrels. They were by far my favorite animals of all time. They were so cute! How could you not love them?! I smiled to myself at the thought of squirrels as I walked down the sidewalk. I haven't really smiled much because of the whole mess I was in, and I missed smiling. I missed smiling with Adam...

I was still sensitive about the subject, but not as sensitive as I was a week ago. In the beginning, it was hard to hold back my tears. And it still is, but it is just not as hard.

I made it to the park quickly, picking a random tree and sitting on the grass, leaning up against it. I shook some squirrel feeding into the palm of my hand, holding it out and watching as some squirrels came over, slowly inspecting the food before nibbling on it. I giggled, loving the light feel of their small mouths. Suddenly I heard humming. A humming that I recognized. A humming that made memories flood back into my head. I peeked around the tree quietly, seeing Adam sitting on the other side. My eyes widened and I quickly moved back to my side of the tree. I guess my quick movements scared the squirrels, because one of them bit my finger, making me yelp. I watched as blood started to ooze out of my finger. Not a lot, but a decent amount. The squirrels scurried away as I heard someone.

“Oh my god, are you ok- Oh.” I looked up to see Adam standing next to me. My heart leaped in my chest. Did he know it was me? Or did he just hear a yelp and want to know if whoever it came from was okay? Stupid question, Sauli, it was obviously the second one. He had no idea it was you.

“Adam!” I said, standing. “Please don't leave...” I sucked on my finger gently, trying to get the blood to stop. I was nervous. I could just say everything right now. Everything I practiced in the mirror. Then Adam and I could be together. But I was so goddamn nervous...

“Too late,” Adam said, glaring at me before turning on his heels. Fuck! No! Just say it, Sauli! Say it to stop him! Say it and everything will change!

“Wait! You can't leave! Please!” I grabbed Adam's hand, feeling his soft skin. It felt so good to finally touch him again... I could just say it right now, and everything could change... Just say it, Sauli... “I... Um... Adam, I-I-”

But before I could get anything out, Adam ripped his hand out of mine, cutting me off. “I'm done with your lies and games, Sauli. I thought I meant something to you.” He turned on his heels, leaving me standing there, broken. It was all over for me. Adam was done. He really didn't want me anymore.

It was over.


	14. Because Of You

_  
_Adam:

I sighed, flipping through my notebook and doodling. I was not even sure what I was drawing. It looked like an Egyptian cat or something of the sorts. My pen led a trail of ink as it intricately caressed the paper. My other hand was occupied with my salad.

It was two days after I talked to Sauli in the park, which was on Friday, so today is the beginning of a brand new fucking week. Everyone hates Mondays. I especially hate them now. I wasn’t even sure what thoughts were roaming through my head; all I knew for sure was that I was lonely and I wanted companionship. Real fucking _friendship._ Where there was no deceit or lies. Where you can actually trust the person instead of them just using and manipulating you. And apparently, that is really difficult to find nowadays.

I sighed, glancing up and spotting someone I had never seen before. He was gorgeous and exotic looking. He had a structured face with minimal stubble and I couldn’t see the color of his eyes from so far away, but they were wide and glorious. Half of his head was shaved with a coating of blond fluff while the other side was swept over and his roots were peaking. I smiled to myself, blushing, and mentally cursing at myself for finding someone attractive yet again. Someone like him would never want to—

“Hey, I’m Tommy.”

I glanced up at said blond who just sat at my table, biting into his burger. I looked at him oddly and he just stared at me with a raised eyebrow. Okay, this is weird. Did he seriously just come up to my table of his own free will? He must be new. How could I know though? It’s not as if I pay attention to the kids in our school.  

“Um…Hi, I’m Adam…” I said, looking at him skeptically. The last time someone came and sat down next to me, they were just using me for their own amusement. Nevertheless, I think Tommy is new, so he couldn’t have been manipulated that quickly, right? Ha, who was I kidding? Sauli probably set him up for this so I would look like a fucking idiot.

He smiled, licking his lips (which were deliciously plump), “Hey Adam. I like your eyeliner and shit. It’s fuckin’ awesome. What brand to you use?” he asked and my eyes widened a bit in surprise. Why would he be complimenting that—my make-up of all things? Most people think it is weird for a guy to be wearing make-up. I could care less what people think, but it still hurts.

“Oh… I use MAC. It’s weird. Most people think it’s odd for a guy to wear make-up. You’re like the first person who’s ever complimented me on it,” I said, laughing a little and placing my notebook in my bag, glancing at Tommy. He just kept smiling and shrugged. He seemed to be eyeing me, trying to decide something.

“Hey, whatever. I like weird. We should go out sometime,” he said and my heartbeat quickened. Did he seriously just ask me out? We barely exchanged two words to each other! Either he is super brave and courageous, or he is just bored and wants a friend. I know the feeling. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted to accept. It could possibly cause more drama I don’t want. However, when my eyes wandered to the right, I saw Sauli staring at my table, practically glaring at Tommy and it made me smile on the inside. Oh, he might be jealous. Ha. Let me milk this.

Therefore, without any more hesitation, I smiled at Tommy, “I’d love to go out.”

Normally, I would never let myself give in that easily, but my eyes wandered to the side and I saw Sauli staring at me now. I made it inconspicuous that I was glancing at him, but I could see him glaring daggers into Tommy’s back and that made me smile even wider at Tommy. He looked back, standing up. “Wanna come to my locker with me? Maybe we can compare schedules or some shit,” he said and I laughed, standing with him and going to his side. He was short, like Sauli, but he was a little taller. I frowned internally, knowing how badly I wanted Sauli here with me. However, I shook those thoughts away. You’re making friends with someone who isn’t a complete asshole Adam, enjoy it and stop reliving the pass.

The day didn’t drag on as long as I thought. Tommy was in my last three classes and we just talked for them all. He was so interesting and badass. A lot different from Sauli. But I had to stop thinking about Sauli, damnitt! I was here with Tommy, and it was salient that I was in deep thought while Tommy was talking and that was just rude. Though, when we went out on our “date” (I’m not even sure if it is one—I’m so clueless), I would give him my full and un-divided attention. He would be my priority, not some boy that I use to…not even date…who I fucked once.

When the bell rang, Tommy and I stood up, walking down the hall together and talking about our favorite movies since Tommy wanted to go to the theaters and check out this new horror movie he has apparently been dying to see. I didn’t really like horror movies, but if Tommy wanted to see one, that’s okay. The first time Sauli and I went out, it was at the movies and we saw some crummy comedy. We didn’t even really try to pick a good movie. It was so awkward; I just paid for the first tickets I saw. Now I won’t be face with an awkward situation since Tommy was so easy going. Why couldn’t he be here before Sauli?

With another heavy sigh, I gathered my things and walked with Tommy to his car. He was chattering on about how his car wasn’t very great, but I just smiled. At least he had a car, though I didn’t really need one. When we arrived at the parking lot, I saw his vehicle. It was a run-down Volvo, one of the older models. I laughed, petting the hood.

“Fucking awesome dude; love it,” I said and he grinned, entering the driver’s side. I got into the passenger’s seat and glanced through the windshield. I saw Sauli by his Mustang, staring. I just gulped, looking down at my fingers. Fuck you, Sauli. Though this entire situation was Déjà vu. Except with Tommy, not Sauli. Maybe it will end the same, but I hoped to fuck it wouldn’t.

The car started and Tommy made our way to the theaters. Moreover, unlike my time with Sauli, I was excited to be here….

***

I laughed, pushing Tommy’s shoulder playfully. “Fuck you, that was a dirty joke,” I said, my cheeks blazing red. He just giggled, leaning against the locker next to mine with that smile of his. It was a crooked smirk that I learned to adore. Knowing Tommy for only a week, I knew we would be amazing friends. We were almost opposites, but it was what kept a certain mystery in the friendship. I was probably over analyzing it, but that’s what I always do.

“Whatever, Adam. You fucking loved it, don’t deny it. Oh, by the way, I have to leave early for a doctor’s appointment, so I won’t be able to hang out, is that cool?” he asked and I felt my heart drop a little at that disappointing announcement, but I didn’t let it falter my expression. I just smiled, shutting my locker.

“Of course. I’ll text you, okay?” I said and he just nodded.

“Okay! Bye,” he said, winking at me before walking down the hallway. I sighed, my heart beating a little faster. He is so cool. I don’t even know. I got the taste of companionship from Sauli, and now it is living strong with Tommy. How fucking awesome.

I smiled to myself, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and sauntering out of the school. I was walking down the sidewalk as I always do…just the path home. I entered my neighborhood, almost home…Until I felt a huge weight on my side and I fell on my back on the grass on the right side of the sidewalk. I grunted, looking up and seeing Sauli scowling at me. I glared, laying my hands flat on his chest and shoving him off me. I did not even open my mouth to say anything. I just stood up, beginning to walk away. What the fuck? Did he stalk me or something? Goddamn idiot…

“ADAM! Don’t leave now you… _ääliö_! COME!” he shouted, grabbing my wrist and tugging me back down on the grass, climbing on top of me. I growled, knowing I was fully capable of pushing him off, but a part of me liked this. Liked this contact, liked him overpowering me. A part of me wanted to fuck him hard, but the other part knew that he betrayed me. That was just that popular asshole I always knew I should avoid.  “I’m so fucking sorry…” he said and I just rolled my eyes.

“In one ear and out the other, Sauli. I really don’t give a fuck, okay? Good. Now get off of me,” I mumbled, trying to push him off, but he grabbed my wrists, pinning me against the ground. I felt my face heat up and I glanced to the side, growling. I was surprised he was straddling me in public. God forbid someone walks by. And did he have to be straddling me in such a sexual way? Couldn’t he just sit on my stomach or something? Fuck.

“Adam… I know you want to hold hands…And you want a relationship—“ he began to say, but I just snorted, lifting my arms and ripping them from his grasp, sitting up. He was still on my lap, looking at me in surprise, but that was the least of my worries. I snarled, glaring.

“Sauli, you don’t want any of that shit! And it’s okay! I understand now. You weren’t scared of coming out, you just didn’t want to! You know why? Cause you were never really my friend. You were USING me for your own goddamn amusement. I hope you enjoyed it, because now you can have fun with your _real_ friends. I bet they’re delightful,” I snapped and Sauli shook his head, grasping onto my shirt. The look on his face was of genuine sorrow, but I wouldn’t fall for him anymore.

“Adam, stop, please. It is not like that… I…You see, I…” he looked down, struggling with what he wanted to say and I just shoved him off me, standing up and wiping off my jeans.

“Shut up. Leave me alone. I don’t want you anymore,” I said, my heart beating. That wasn’t true. I wanted him so badly. He was my drug. I wanted to hold him, cuddle him, everything, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t look at him the same way knowing what he was capable of. Someone who would do what he did to me just means he doesn’t have a heart.

“No, damnitt! Adam! I want you…I…I love you, okay?! I love you…” he whispered the last part and my eyes widened, my stomach feeling as if I was gonna throw it up. What did he just say? He couldn’t have said what I just thought he said. That couldn’t have happened. He cannot actually love me because it was all just a lie. He is probably lying now. But the defeated look in his eyes told me otherwise. I couldn’t stand this. He was lying. My brain was telling me this and I needed to believe it.

“Sauli…I’m sorry…We just…I can’t be with you…” I said and the way his face fell just made me want to sob. But then, instead of remaining sad, his face turned angry and I glared, knowing what was coming.

“GOD DAMNITT, ADAM. I KNOW ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN DEPRESSION. LET ME HELP YOU! I won’t sit by and watch you be sad when my love can help you!” he shouted and my eyes widened, my heart feeling like it might explode. I knew Sauli found my pills, but that had never been a topic of conversation before we “broke up.” And now he’s bringing it up? That dick.

I stood tall, taking in a deep breath and breathing angrily through my nostrils. “You want to help me, Sauli? The only goddamn reason I take those pills is because of you! Remember when I told you I had to tell my parents I was gay?! That’s because of you and your fucking friends! You tortured me all through eighth grade and didn’t stop my freshman year! You were relentless! When you started talking to me this year, I was in fucking disbelief that you didn’t remember any of it! I remember all of it! Weren’t you the least bit curious I hated you as much as I did?! I wanted to fucking kill myself, so I had to go on those fucking pills because of you and your fucking bullying!” I screamed at him, feeling much taller at his diminishing stature. “So you can go fuck off about trying to make me happy! Because that boat sailed a long time ago…” I said in a menacing voice. His eyes were wide with tears streaking down, but I was much too angry to care. I just snarled, turning around and practically sprinting away, unable to cope with anymore of his lies…

When I eventually arrived home, I felt like screaming. I ignored my mother calling for me, I ignored the voices in my head and I ignored the slamming of my door. I just locked it and glared around my room, breathing heavily. I glanced at the pills on my desk and stormed up to them, gripping them. It was all because of Sauli I had to take these. It was all because of Sauli I am fucked up.

And I know how to fix these feelings.


	15. Price To Pay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Btw, this song relates to this story ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H21fj0hQRM Listen and you'll see why! It also inspired the title.

Sauli:

I sighed as I parked my car, getting out and starting my walk to the school. I have never felt more ashamed in my life. I had bullied Adam for years, causing him to go into depression. Hell, he even tried to kill himself! Now he has to take pills and probably goes to therapy sessions too. I feel terrible. And the craziest part is, I don't even remember bullying Adam. I mean, I remember bullying people because Niko had told me that if I wanted to be popular I had to push people around, but I had done it to so many people that I don't remember doing it to Adam at all, ya know? The whole thing is a big blur. But I feel completely and utterly terrible.

I deserve this though. All of this pain, all of this heartache, I deserve it. God knows how much pain I put Adam through before I even knew him. This is karma for all that I've done to Adam. I even deserve to see Adam hanging around with that annoying new blond and being so happy with him. If I had just come out and not cared about my popularity, that blond that's always with Adam now would be me. It would be me holding his hand and kissing his cheek... And as much as I deserve to hurt when I see that, I still hate that blond so much...

I sighed again, making my way up the front steps of the school. I really didn't want to be here right now. I had spent all night crying because I knew I had messed up everything and I was never getting Adam back. But you know what? Adam deserves someone so much better than me. In a way, I want him to push me away so I don't cause him any more pain. Because the guilt of how bad I hurt him is slowly eating away at me, and I don't know how much longer I will be able to take this before I explode.

I slowly followed the crowd of students into the school, trying to make my way to my locker. However, before I could get there, I heard a familiar voice. “Hey, loser,” Niko said, gently punching my shoulder as a “hello” kind of gesture. Dammit, I can't take him anymore... This fucking asshole ruined everything for me... I just can't...

I spun on my heel quickly, looking Niko straight in the eye. I was glaring at him just slightly. “FUCK YOU. Don't ever talk to me again! You made me lose the one thing that is most important to me! FUCK YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!” On the inside, I was freaking out because I had never spoken to Niko this way, and I knew there would be a price to pay. But I didn't let my expression give away how nervous I actually was. Niko can ruin me. And since everyone else hates me, I will have no one left... Adam doesn't want me anymore, so it's not as if I'll have him...

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Niko yelled back at me. All around us, I could see people stopping and starting to stare. Fuck, this isn't good... But I can't back out now and look like a wimp.

“I hate you, Niko!” I said, shoving him gently. He was much bigger than I was, so physically fighting him wouldn't be the best idea... “I don't even know why I ever wanted to be your friend! You're an asshole! And you turned me into one! But not anymore! I'm so done with you and your bullshit!”

Niko's firm hands shoved me back, causing me to stumble a little, but I didn't fall. “Back off. You wanted to be my friend to become popular and not end up like that fag you used to hang out with. You had no friends a few years ago, remember? You wanted to be at the top, loser.”

“He's not a fag, Niko! He's a good friend, unlike you! Or he used to be one until you ruined everything! Dammit!” Everyone was silent and staring at us, probably in disbelief. There hasn't ever been a fight within the popular group...

“Why are you defending him?! He's gay!” Now that... That made me mad. I don't know if it made me mad because I'm in love with Adam, or because of the fact that I'm gay too and that was a completely homophobic comment. But that set me off.

“I'M GAY TOO, YOU IDIOT!” When I said it, I didn't know what I was doing. All I know is that I heard a few gasps from the audience and Niko looked shocked. I could hear people whispering around me, and my head was pounding. What... What did I just do? Did I just come out to the world? Did I just ruin everything I've worked for?

My eyes went wide as I looked around. “What...?” I heard Niko's voice speak. Well what is the point of denying it now? I already said it, I can't take it back. Plus, maybe Adam will want me back if I'm just honest with the world and I can finally give him the relationship he's wanted from the start.

“You heard me! I'm gay. Homosexual! Fag! I like guys! Call me whatever you want, I don't care! And the bet's off!” There. I confirmed it. Now everyone knows. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, but I was still slightly nervous. Plus, what if someone tells my parents?! I want my parents to hear it from me, not from some stupid teenager trying to ruin my life...

Niko stared at me for a few second. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but before he could say anything I felt a hand grip my wrist. Suddenly, I was being pulled into the bathroom. I heard the door close and the lock turn.

My eyes widened as Adam turned around, staring at me. I stared back, not knowing what to say. There was a few seconds of silence before he spoke up.

“Sauli...”

“Adam, I... I came out... Everyone knows now... We can be together!” I said happily, smiling wide. I tried to hug him, but he held up his hands, making my arms fall to my side.

“Sauli, no! What were you thinking?! You just gave up all your popularity for nothing!” He said. At that, I felt my heart drop. For nothing...?

“F-For nothing...?” I said, staring at him with sad eyes. I could see his expression soften and he seemed upset. “Isn't this... What you wanted...?”

“I'm sorry, Sauli... We can't... Be together... You hurt me...” Adam said, looking at me with sorry eyes. I felt my eyes start to fill with salty water. But I was done trying to hold it in. This time, I'm letting all the tears fall...

“B-But I love you... I'm lost without you...” I said, reaching for Adam's hands so I could hold them, but something caught my eye. Why were his wrists wrapped in bandages (even though he tried to cover it up with his black long-sleeve shirt)? And why were those bandages... bloody? I gasped, pulling Adam's hand closer to me to inspect his wrist.

“What are you doing?! Stop!” Adam said, pulling his wrist away from me. What the hell?!

“What the fuck, Adam?! W-Why did you d-do this..?” I said, more tears spilling over as I grabbed his hand again, looking at his wrist. That's a lot of blood... He must have cut deep... The thought made me want to throw up. How could he...?

Adam ripped his hand away, looking at me, saying, “That's none of your business!”

I wiped my eyes, sniffling lightly. “A-Am I really the reason for all your p-pain...?”

“How could you think you're not?!” Adam said, blowing up. “You bullied me to the point of depression! You pretended to be my friend so you could make money!”

This is it. I don't want to hurt Adam anymore. I'm done with this. I have caused him too much pain. I don't deserve to even be his friend. “I'm sorry... If you truly don't want to speak to me anymore, I won't bother you...”

I head Adam sigh lightly. “You hurt me... And I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for what you've done... But as much as I hate to admit it, I still care about you, and I can't leave you friendless...” He said and my eyes widened.

“No!” I said, pushing past Adam to the door. “You are not happy with me around! I don't want to hurt you anymore!” I unlocked the door, running out and finding the hallways empty except for the blond that I've seen with Adam lately. He looked at me, glaring slightly.

I heard Adam call my name and I turned around, seeing him running up to me. Dammit, I don't want to hurt him anymore... Why does he have to insist on being friends?!

“Stop being so stubborn, Sauli!” Adam said before there was a quiet ringing noise and Adam groaned, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. “One sec, guys...” Adam turned, walking around the corner as he placed the phone to his ear.

I turned to see the blond staring at me slightly. “Just stay the fuck away from Adam.”

My eyes widened slightly. “E-Excuse me?” I said, looking at the blond with a confused expression.

“I know about everything you did to him.” the blond said. He was only taller than me by about an inch, and as much as I hated him, he was gorgeous...

“What's between Adam and I is none of your business!” I said, glaring at him. “For your information, he wants to be my friend!” Even though he shouldn't...

The blond snorted, saying, “Yea, he pities you, that's it. Do you really think he wants to deal with the source of his depression?!” My eyes widened at that. He was right... Adam only feels bad for me... He doesn't actually want me around...

I was about to retaliate when Adam walked back over to us, saying, “We're all hanging out today after school. No excuses. Got it?” Adam glared at both of us. I just nodded, agreeing. I was done dealing with all this fighting today. And I'm late for class. But that is probably the least of my concerns right now.


	16. Can't Fight With You

Adam:

“I wanna borrow your eyeliner,” Tommy said, pointing to my eyes with his nimble and calloused fingers. His nose was scrunched up in curiosity. “My eyeliner is complete shit. See?” he said, motioning to his waterline and smearing off the cheap liner. He then proceeded to show me his blackened fingertip, “Fucking shit. Comes off with the lightest touch.”

I laughed, bumping hips with him. It was cute—these conversations we had. “You idiot. I love it. But yea, you can borrow it. Just don’t give me pink eye or some shit,” I warned him and he laughed aloud, shrugging. I smiled, shutting my locker and turning around, seeing another small blond approach us. He looked pensive. Pensive and incredibly awkward. It was never _that_ awkward between us. Maybe in the beginning but our “friendship” grew and it was not that much awkward. At least, that’s what I thought.

I broke the tension. I smiled at him and he glanced up tentatively. “Hey, Sauli!” I said. He just lifted his hand and waved, absentminded. It made me sad. He hurt me so much, but I still cared about him immensely. He was a part of me in some twisted and disturbed way. I have to break the ice again. “Let’s just go to my house, okay?” I said. Tommy nodded, smiling at me and Sauli didn’t even respond, looking down at the ground. I didn’t want him to feel like a third wheel.

I grasped Tommy’s hand in my own and began walking out the door of the school. I didn’t have a car and Sauli could just pick his car up in the morning. It was nice walking. Beautiful day with the sun shimmering down, clouds entangling the sky. It was peaceful. In addition, I had two beautiful boys with me. I was smiling on the outside, but I mentally slapped myself. You ain’t a pimp Adam. Far from one. Almost a month ago, I was all alone. Sauli changed that; he didn’t have the correct intentions, but nonetheless my life changed. I had to thank him for that. Because I was happy. My wrists didn’t prove that, but I was.

I sighed, looking to my left and seeing Tommy, his hand firmly in mine. I glanced to the right and it was empty. I raked my head back to see Sauli about two feet behind us, looking at the ground. I groaned, stopping and grabbing his wrist. I dragged him up so he was beside me. Nevertheless, it was not a simple touch. I felt a spark radiate at the touch and I quickly let go, hating the feeling. Hating my body for wanting him. Hating it all. He made me feel complete…But we can’t. Not anymore.

Staring straight ahead, I saw Sauli’s lips curl into what seemed like a devilish smirk. His eyes darted towards Tommy and I felt Tommy’s grip in my hand tighten. Then he finally spoke up, “You look gorgeous today, Adam…” I looked at him oddly and he had his eyebrows furrowed. What? That was random. But I shrugged it off.

“You look hot too,” I said simply, smiling and glancing over at Sauli who seemed much happier than in the beginning. I smiled at that and we eventually got to my house in a respectable silence. Phew.

I unlocked the door, opening it up for the two of them. They both shuffled in and made our way up to my room. We entered and I flopped onto my bed, sitting up with crossed legs. Tommy sat very close to me, our thighs touching. Sauli, however, just stood there, looking at the bed with distant eyes. He seemed reluctant to sit and I wondered why. Maybe because the last time he was on my bed, we fucked? I would normally say “make love” or whatever, but it was fucking as far as I’m concerned. Well, I mean, maybe that’s a bit harsh. I loved him when we did it. I just… I’m so confused.

I patted the empty space next to me. “Sit, come on, you’ve been in here before,” I mumbled. _Yea, when you were riding me._ I shook the thoughts away.

He looked all around the room, avoiding eye contact. It pained me. “Um, no thanks. I’m fine right here,” he stated, sitting down on the red plush rug on my wooden floor. I frowned. I heard a sound of annoyance besides me and I felt the tension growing tick. Fabulous.

“Come on, there’s plenty of room. Why don’t you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. His eyes narrowed with a glare. Fuck.

“I dunno, Adam. It might be _dirty._ ” He hissed and my eyes widened. He smirked, his eyes wavering towards Tommy, who also glared at me, and I felt clammy. Would Sauli really tell Tommy that we had sex? Would he? No… I needed to change the subject fast!

“Uhh…Anyone want a drink?” I asked, standing up and making my way to the door fast. I was suffocating in here. Sauli shook his head, lying back on the rug and placing his hands behind his head. That fucker. I should fuck him right now. NO! Bad Adam. He’s poison. Let him be. You can’t do anything. Just take a deep breath.

“I want one!” Tommy chimed in and I wasn’t surprised. Why would Tommy want to be alone with Sauli? I knew they didn’t like each other, but I was just being hopeful that they would. I wanted them to get along. But they were clashing like magnets.

He grabbed my hand and led me downstairs. I exhaled, feeling like I could breathe again. Maybe this was a bad idea, I don’t even know anymore.  “Dude, so much tension! I might die,” Tommy exclaimed, waving his arms dramatically. I laughed at his animated behavior, opening the fridge and grabbing three bottles of water. I know Sauli said he didn’t want anything; tough shit.

I sighed, placing the water on the counter, looking at Tommy. “Try and be civil with him? Please?” I pleaded and he came up, grasping my hand. There was no spark.

“I didn’t do anything! He’s evil….Don’t be his friend,” Tommy whispered, cupping my cheek in his hand. There was nothing. I liked Tommy. Not an ounce of love. He was kind, beautiful, different, but I just…He couldn’t be mine like Sauli was.

“I feel bad for him… And it’s not like I can just…STOP caring for him… he was…” I stopped, looking at Tommy and he frowned, searching my eyes. I didn’t get lost in his delightfully chocolate eyes. I used to get lost in Sauli’s ocean….

“You don’t need him…” Tommy whispered, getting on his toes and pressing his lips against mine. My eyes widened while his fell shut. My heart was pumping back. My stomach tightened. But I felt nothing. Numb. I felt numb. However, I needed to prove to myself I could be with Tommy. That him and I could truly work without my brain incessantly going back to my ex. I was so over Sauli, right?

I wrapped my arms around his waist, licking his lips, and he happily opened and I felt his thick pink muscle bump against mine and I gasped, pulling back. Wrong, so wrong. Nevertheless, I smiled, pretending the spark was lit when there was nothing but lies. I was leading him on.

“That was amazing… But I can’t just leave Sauli…” I said. His brow furrowed and he glared. I frowned. He swiftly turned around, making his way to the staircase. I watched his ass.

“Fine, whatever,” he grumbled, storming up the stairs. I sighed, frowning. Great; drama. This is not what I want. Is this why I never had friends before? Because they cause so much damn drama? I remember when I came home and watch movies with Neil all day long. Now he’s seen me naked. Shit.

I grabbed all the water, making my way upstairs. I pushed the door open with my hip to see Tommy lying on my bed with his headphones in. Great, he’s mad. I glanced to the side to see Sauli standing up, looking stoic. I set the water down. Sauli looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“I need to go,” Sauli said promptly. I frowned, my heart feeling sad. Why does he always want to leave? I know I pushed him away, but he came out and ruined all his popularity for me. I needed to help him. I would feel like a total jackass to just leave him.

“We just got here though…” I said, taking a step closer to him. I heard Tommy mumble something and Sauli shot him a glare. I am so sick of their childish behavior.

“I’m not really feeling welcome here, Adam…” he said, looking at him with hard eyes. It pierced my soul.

“Wait, please…” I begged.

Sauli glared at me. I felt like I was in hell. “WHAT ADAM? Why do you want me here?! You have a new fucking boyfriend now! I don’t want your pity! En voi käsitellä tätä!” he yelled. Fuck, his Finnish. Just hearing him yell sent a shock straight to my dick.

But I was so tired. “Fine! Go be alone! I was only trying to help!” I yelled back. He just huffed, turning around and storming out. I sighed, looking at the door. I heard the front door slam. He was gone. I licked my lips, walking over to the bed and flopping down next to Tommy. I shut my eyes and he laid his head on my chest.

Well fuck.

***

The next day at lunch, Tommy and I were happily chatting away about music. I was biting into my salad (it’s what I like to eat—I could afford to lose weight). I kept stealing glances at Sauli who was sitting by himself at some derelict table. I frowned, trying to pay attention to Tommy, but I couldn’t. Sauli angrily texting on his phone was far more interesting to me than Tommy. I’m horrible. Tommy’s voice snapped me back into reality.

“Stop. He said yesterday he doesn’t want your pity,” he told me, grabbing my face and bringing it back to him. I sighed, my eyes wavering over to the small Finn.

“No pity…” I said, “I just want him to sit with us…” I spoke truthfully. “I’ll be right back, okay?”  I said, standing from the table. This might be the last straw for Tommy. He might leave me after this. But did I care? Yes. Did my heart want him? Yes. But my heart wanted Sauli more…

My boots clicked against the grimy cafeteria floor until I reached Sauli’s table. Sitting across from him. I saw him tense, but he acted as if I didn’t even exist as he kept texting. Who though? All his friends were gone. Someone from Finland?

I sat there. Waiting for him to speak. “What do you want?!” he snapped and I looked at him intensely.

I spoke softly, “Come sit with us… With me and Tommy,” I said. He huffed.

His fingers smashed against his keyboard and his eyes were glued to that damn phone. I sighed, grabbing it from him and he whined, reaching for it, but I put it in my lap. He glared, crossing his arms. “I should be mad at _you,_ remember? Stop being an asshole and come with me,” I said.

“You seem perfectly happy with your new boyfriend. You don’t need me,” he spat.

“It’s cute that you’re jealous. You hurt me. But I wanna be friends. I can never hate you, Sauli,” I said, smiling, but he didn’t return it.

“You think we can just be friends?! No! I love you! I wanna be with you! It ain’t fair to me!” he exclaimed and I felt anger rush over me like a river.

“Oh and obviously since it’s not what you want, it can’t happen? Fucking selfish prick!” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“How would you feel if you loved Tommy and he only wanted to be friends?!” he said. I sat up, slamming my hands on the table. He jumped. His eyes were wide as he looked at me.

“I don’t fucking love Tommy! I love…” I was about to say “you.” _I love you._ No. “Fucking…never mind!” I hollered, turning around and walking away.

I just love _you._


	17. Trying To Change Love

Sauli:

I walked to my car, thinking about the day’s events. I felt like shit. I had treated Adam badly because I was jealous. I treated him badly because I wanted him back. I treated him badly because I witnessed Tommy shoving his tongue down Adam's throat.

Did I mention how disgusted I was when I saw that?

I had wanted to throw up. I had changed my mind about the drink, and I was on my way downstairs when I had heard it. The quiet, low moan that I recognized. The moan I wanted no one else to hear. Adam's moan. I had peeked around the corner, and gasped when I saw Tommy and Adam, eating each other’s faces off. I was so pissed off, I just couldn't stay there. So I bolted. But I should have fought for Adam. I should have stayed and made Adam mine. I wish I could go back and just change everything.

I sighed, looking down and kicking a rock. My hands were shoved into my pockets, my bag on my shoulders. I really messed this all up. Adam will never want me back now. I should just accept the fact that Adam is happy with Tommy. Maybe I was the only one that felt like Adam and I were meant to be. Maybe Adam and Tommy both feel like they were meant to be.

I glanced up, seeing my car. I opened the back door, throwing my bag in before hopping in the driver’s seat. I looked out the windshield of my car, seeing students pass by. I saw Niko, and it made me angry. It's really all his fault I'm in this situation right now. I could be happy with Adam. I could be holding his hand, kissing his lips, and telling him I love him. But no, Niko doesn't want anyone to be happy but himself. I sighed again, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

People haven't really treated me differently since I came out. I did get a few extra stares and whispers, but nothing major. Niko hasn't talked to me since the fight, and neither has anyone else. Except for Adam. After all, I put him through, he had still tried to help me. And I blew up. I'm such a douche...

I started my regular drive home, not bothering to turn on the radio. These past few days have not really been good ones. All that's been on my mind has been Adam. That's it. Just Adam. I miss him, so much...

***

I don't know how long I sat in my room, staring at the floor and thinking about Adam. He was my life. He was my everything. I need him to survive. I can't just... forget about him. I am incapable of going on if he isn't in my life, even in the smallest way. Friends or lovers, I need him. I would prefer lovers, but I doubt that will happen.

I needed to do something about it. I need to tell him that I'm sorry. For everything, for how I treated him today, for the bet. I want to start over. I stood quickly, snatching my keys and running out the door of my room. I bolted down the stairs, making it out the front door before anyone could ask me where I was going, I didn't even think twice about what I was doing. If I thought about it, I would not want to do it and I would chicken out, then things would NEVER get better, I have to do this... I have to do this...

The car ride was anxious and nervous. I was planning in my head exactly what to say, but nothing seemed right. Before I could figure out the perfect words, I pulled into a long driveway. I could feel my palms start to sweat, and I wiped them on my jeans as I turned off the car.

I took a deep breath, glancing at myself in the mirror. I fluffed up my hair a bit, and then smudged my liner I had put on in the morning. I liked the smudged eyeliner look. I learned how to put it on perfectly when Adam taught me.

I got out of my car, locking it up and slowly walking up to the front door of the house. I took one more deep breath, preparing myself. You can do this, Sauli... You can do this... I knocked on the door gently, waiting.

The door opened and a young looking woman was looking back at me. Although, she wasn't smiling like normal...

“Hi, Mrs. Lambert... I-Is Adam home...?” I said, stuttering over my words. Shit, I was nervous. I bit my lip as she sighed.

“Yes... But I don't think he wants to see you right now...” she said, and my eyes widened. What? He doesn't want to see me? Shit, I should have known this was coming...

“P-Please, Mrs. Lambert...” I stuttered, pleading with my eyes. She looked upset, and I don't blame her. Adam probably told her all about how much he hates me now. Now she knows everything. Fuck. “This is important... I just want to talk...”

She sighed again, glancing to the side. “Fine...” she said, opening the door for me. I stepped in, prepared to walk up to Adam's room when she spoke again. “But don't make him cry anymore.”

My eyes widened and I stopped. Adam had been crying...? Dammit, I've caused him so much pain! Who knows if he'll even want to be friends anymore. “H-He was crying...? Today...?” I said, my eyes still wide with shock.

She nodded, saying, “He came home sobbing. He wouldn't tell me anything, but he kept saying your name... After an hour, I gave up... He wouldn't even look up from his pillow...” I felt my heart crack. Oh no, Adam... My baby... I'm so sorry...

“I-I'm so sorry...” I said, turning. I bolted up the stairs to Adam's room, gently knocking on the door. I took a deep breath as I heard shuffling and a few sniffles. My heart started pumping faster as I heard footsteps. Suddenly, the door was opened and I saw red eyes surrounded by smudged black makeup staring back at me. Then the blue eyes widened when they saw me.

“Sauli...?” Adam said, wiping the last few tears from his eyes. God, I messed everything up... Adam... I hurt him so badly...

“C-Can I come in...?” I said, my fingers playing with each other out of nervousness.

“Um... Sure...” Adam said, opening the door for me. I stepped inside, turning and watching him. He shut the door, hesitating before turning back around to look at me. He probably already regrets this. All of this... I just want to hold him, tell him I'm sorry and that everything will be okay...

“I'm sorry.” We both said in unison. Fuck.

“I'm sorry for dating Tommy, I'm sorry for making you hang out with us, I'm just sorry... I'm so not used to any of this dating stuff, and I'm definitely not used to this two guys fighting over me thing... I'm so sorry...” Adam said, looking at me with sad eyes. He shouldn't be sorry... I'm the one that should be sorry...

“No,” I said, looking up at him. His beautiful blue eyes were a light shade of gray. It made me sad... “I was an ass to you today... And every day... I was so mean, and I'm sorry... I hurt you so much... I understand why you want Tommy and not me...” I said, my eyes not tearing from his for one second. I needed him to know I was telling him the complete truth.

Adam hesitated, as if he didn't know if he should say something or not. “You did hurt me, but...” Adam stepped closer to me, grabbing my hand with his and looking me in the eyes. “I'm going crazy not having you...” I felt my heart leap in my chest and my breathing hitched. Did he just say... He wants me back...?

I stepped closer to him, close enough so our chests were only an inch apart. “God, I miss you...” I said, grabbing his other hand in mine. I laced our fingers, looking up into his eyes. I could see the color slowly start to flood back into them, and it made me smile.

Adam smiled back at me, leaning down and pressing his lips against mine harshly. My eyes squeezed shut and I finally felt that spark I had been missing for so long. I moaned, meshing our lips together. Adam pushed me backwards against the wall, kissing me hard. His tongue traveled into my mouth, mine fighting back instantly. My hands roamed up to his hair, tugging on it. Adam pulled away, leaving a trail of kisses from my mouth to my neck, where he bit down, sucking. I gasped, loving the feel, but then it hit me.

“W-Wait, Adam...” I said, but he didn't stop licking my neck. Although, I didn't really mind. I missed this too much to try to stop it. “W-What about Tommy...?” My eyes were still closed and my head was turned to the side, giving Adam better access to my neck.

Adam reached down, grabbing my ass and making me jump. He looked into my eyes, saying, “Don't worry, he's mad at me, we'll break up...” he said, kissing me again. I moaned deeply, Adam's hands still cupping my ass.

“B-But...” I mumbled between kisses, “N-No... We can't be together until you break up with him...” I tried my best to push Adam away slightly, but I liked his taste too much to try hard.

Adam pulled away slightly, his face only inches from mine as he looked into my eyes. I could feel his hot breath on my face when he spoke. “I'm not going to break up with him via text... Don't worry, baby...” Adam slipped his hand into the front of my jeans, making me gasp. He smirked at me.

“Y-Your mom is downstairs...” I said, my eyes shutting as I leaned against the wall. I could feel Adam start to undo my zipper and pull my pants down.

Adam ignored my comment and instead, started stroking me. I moaned loudly, hoping his mom couldn't hear us. Adam slid his thumb over the head, making me buck my hips into his hand, begging him for more.

I could feel myself getting harder and harder. Adam kissed me roughly, as he continued to jerk off my cock. I kept moaning, grabbing his hair. I pulled away from the kiss, putting my face into the crook of Adam's neck. I tried to keep my moans quiet by keeping my mouth covered, but I wasn't doing a very good job. I could feel myself getting to that point.

“A-Adam, fuck...” I breathed, panting. I didn't want to be loud, since we weren't the only ones in the house. “A-Adam, I'm gonna come... Sh-Shit!” I said, trying not to yell. I bit into Adam's shoulder hard as I felt myself release all over his hand. I panted, putting all my body weight on the wall. I was sweaty and gross, but so fucking happy...

Adam brought his hand up to his face, smirking at me before licking the white substance off. I moaned, leaning up and kissing him again. I could taste myself in his mouth. So, so hot...

“We can be together...” Adam said, pulling away and leaning our foreheads together. “Under one condition...”

“I'll do anything to be with you...” I said, panting and grabbing onto his shirt.

“You gotta take me out on a date tomorrow...” Adam said, and I chuckled, kissing him again. He's so cute.

“Of course.” I said, lacing our fingers. “Our first real date...” He smiled back at me, and we made our way over to the bed, collapsing on it. We helped each other strip out of our clothes, just to be more comfortable.

Adam pulled me to his chest, and I sighed, content. “Adam?” I said, my eyes slipping shut.

“Hm?” he said.

“I love you.”

I felt his lips press to the top of my head. “I love you too, baby...”

I felt sleepiness take over me, and then I was out.


	18. Give You Everything That I Am

_  
_Adam:

I rolled over, feeling the pillow beneath my head. My lips curved up into a smile as I sighed happily, opening my eyes slowly and yawning. I curled up into a ball, and then my eyes lazily moved down until I saw tan skin besides me. Beautiful muscles indented his precious skin and my heart beat a little faster. This man was mine. All mine. It was such an incredible feeling…knowing that someone like him loved someone like me. And after all that shit we went through, we made it out in the end and now we’re a couple. We are actually boyfriends… Holy shit.

The happy feeling waved over me like an ocean and I sighed again, my index finger gently tracing the dents of his muscles. God, he is so beautiful. I should ask him how often he goes to the gym. I envied his body, but it quickly washed away with the realization that it was mine. I lay my palm flat on his back, rubbing up and down slowly, loving the feeling. He was so smooth. I felt his back move up then down with his relaxed breathing. His lips were in a thin line of comfort and his eyelids gently fluttered as he dreamt. I wanted to be in his dream. He was mine. I wasn’t trying to be a creepy possessive person, but I was excited! Someone beautiful wanted to be my boyfriend. I was ecstatic.

“Mm, Adam…” he moaned, scooting closer to me. I inhaled sharply, holding him closer to me, and my hands traced down to his naked ass, cupping it. He giggled, still sleeping peacefully. I kept staring at him, leaning down and kissing his forehead…then his temple, his nose, eye…then I reached his mouth, squeezing his ass again and nudging my leg between both his. He laughed again, his eyes opening and blinking slowly. They stared as my chest, his fingers ran through my red chest hair, and he looked up, smiling at me. “I like being woken up to your kisses…Your hands on my ass…” he mumbled, scooting even closer and our hot skin touched.

I raised an eyebrow, smirking, “Well, I tried groping you awake…But you slept right through that,” I giggled, kissing his cheeks again and licking down to his neck. He moaned, tugging onto my hair.

“Mm, don’t stop. Come on…” he whispered, almost panting. Fuck, he was horny in the morning. I will keep this in mind for later. Morning sex should be fun, right? I want to try all new positions, rough, hard, soft, lovingly… anything. It wasn’t until we actually had sex I realized how into it I was.

I laughed again, bringing my hands up to his face and cupping it, “Well, baby… We have things to do… right? Like…Maybe a date?” I mumbled, kissing the corner of his lips. He attempted to make it a full kiss, but I shook my head. I quickly jumped up, walking towards my dresser, purposely shaking my ass and swaying my hips to tempt him. I glanced over my shoulder and I could see Sauli’s mouth open and he panted again, crawling towards the end of the bed.

“Please, Adam…” he mumbled, looking like he pounce. However, before he could, I quickly put on my briefs and turned around, jumping up and clapping.

“Come on, Sauli! What should I wear?!” I asked and he rolled his eyes, giving me the finger. I laughed and he got up, walking over to me. My eyes wandered all over his body, eating him with my eyes. I felt my mouth water.

“Fuck you!” he said, crossing his arms and cocking his hip to the side. I kept staring and shook my head. I could not let him tempt me! We can have sex after our date, not before it…I was more excited for this date than I’d like to admit. I have never actually been on one before. I mean, I’ve had a couple of like… “friend dates” with some cute guys, but that’s it. Nothing serious.

“Aww, sweetheart, you know I do the fucking in this relationship. Keep dreaming,” I said, spanking his ass as he walked into the bathroom. He pouted, mumbling something that sounded like ‘I’ll get my turn one day’ but I ignored it. He knew I would always top; there was no competition. I liked it that way…

He walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I wish he left it open so I could watch him bend over while putting on his clothes, but I needed to get my horny brain outta the gutter and get dressed! I was not sure where we were going, but I would just dress casually. Therefore, I opened my drawer and grabbed a pair of skintight blood-red jeans. I put on a pair of black laced ankle boots. I then put on a simple black button up tee and some gray fingerless gloves. I looked in the mirror and smudged on some eyeliner, getting some hairspray and spraying it all over my hair, propping it up. I smiled, thinking I looked half-decent. I heard the door open and I immediately turned around, moaning.

He looked so hot. Even though he was wearing the same clothes from yesterday, I still loved the way it hugged his body. He laughed, skipping up to me and grabbing my waist.

“How are you so hot?” he asked in a husky voice and I licked his cheek, embracing him tight.

“Well, I have someone to look hot for…” I said and he laughed. I pulled back and he quickly frowned.

“Not until you break up with Tommy…” he said and I felt my heart sink. Why does he keep bringing that up? Like he didn’t trust me enough? Obviously, I would break up with him, but not via phone. I’m not an asshole…I would hate it if someone broke up with me like that. I mean, would I even consider me and Tommy boyfriends? I really liked him, but not nearly as much as I liked Sauli…

“I’ll do it tomorrow, baby. I promise. Okay? Stop bringing it up, it’ll dampen the mood,” I said and he sighed, nodding. I smiled, kissing him on the lips. He wrapped his arm around my neck tightly and I forced my tongue into his mouth. It fought with his, but it wasn’t a battle. They were just wrestling so we could taste each other. Crave each other… Though, I pulled back. I was so excited for our date… “So where are we going?” I asked, grinning. He smiled, grabbing my hand and tugging me out of my room. I really didn’t want to see my mom or anything. It might be awkward if she, my dad, or Neil heard Sauli moaning like a bitch last night. So as soon as we got down to the kitchen, I quickly jotted down a note telling her I was hanging out with Sauli for the day and might be back late. I posted it on the fridge and grabbed Sauli’s hand again.

We made our way out to his car and I was going to be into the passenger’s seat until Sauli spoke up, telling me to drive. I raised an eyebrow at him, curious, but I just shrugged, following his orders. I wasn’t going to question him. So I went into the driver’s seat and he got into the opposite side, and I started the car.  

I backed outta the drive way and it was silent. A respectable silence. I smiled, happy with myself. Sauli and I were together again. I cannot believe it. We love each other. He loves me. I love him.

We had been traveling for about ten minutes and were in a residential area, about five minutes from Sauli’s house. Suddenly though, I felt a wet muscle against my cheek, trailing down my neck towards my collarbone. My fingers twitched onto the steering wheel and I inhaled sharply. “S-Sauli, what’re you doing?” I asked and he just shushed me, his fingertips grazing over my zipper, and then pulling it down. I lazily let the wheel fall to the right until I regained my composure.

“Let me take care of you…” he whispered huskily in my ear and I bit my bottom lip. I wasn’t aware there was something to take care of! Then his hand fell into my briefs and he began to stroke me.

“Fuck, Sauli…What are you doing?” I asked, biting my tongue and narrowing my eyes onto the road, trying to focus. I needed to keep concentrated because I couldn’t get into a wreck like this. I felt myself getting harder with his expert strokes. His hand pulled my hardening cock out of my briefs and stroke even faster. I panted, taking one hand off the steering wheel and grabbing his hair, ramming his face down towards my crotch. “God, just blow me, Sauli!” I exclaimed, and I felt his mouth make a perfect O shape around my dick and suck…suck…

I moaned, breathing heavily and slowing my pace on the road, thankful there was no one around. “Ugh, fuck you Sauli…I hate you…” I mumbled as he bobbed his head up and down, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked my dick that he made hard within seconds. His tongue exited his mouth and ran all around until I shut my eyes and rammed my foot on the break, making the car come to a harsh stop and I yelped, feeling my peek break and coming in Sauli’s mouth. I panted, leaning my head against the wheel, whimpering, appreciating the fact we were on a residential road and no cars were coming.

Sauli came up, putting me back in my pants and zipping up. He wiped his mouth and swallowed. He shrugged, leaning back in his seat. I glared at him, leaning back up and hitting the gas, almost to Sauli’s house. I could not wait to get him in his house, that fucker…

Once we arrived, I got out of his car, tossing him the keys. He just smiled at me, grabbing my hand as we walked into his front door after he unlocked it. “You like?” he commented. I rolled my eyes and readjusted my pants after his little spring on… Who even does something like that?

“I guess…” I said, smiling and kissing his cheek. “So what did you have planned?” I asked as we walked into his kitchen. He smiled, turning towards the cabinets and pulling out some chocolate. I felt my stomach turn. Fuck. I love chocolate. But I know if I eat too much, I feel terrible about myself.

“You like chocolate, yes?” he asked, turning around with a bright smile.

I nodded, “Yea. But it makes me fat,” I blurted out, immediately regretting it when I saw the look fall on Sauli’s face. “I mean…” I couldn’t say anything. It’s how I felt…I couldn’t help the fact my self-esteem was shot. I never had any friends and I was never really sure why. I always thought because I was fat in middle school. But I still felt like that fat ginger kid…

“Adam, you are beautiful…Don’t think you’re anything but…” he said, kissing me and I smiled into the kiss, tugging on his shirt. He did make me feel beautiful. If someone like him could love me, I couldn’t be too bad.

“Well, at least cook without a shirt on, okay?” I said and he laughed, lifting up his arms. I tossed his shirt to the side, gazing at his incredibly tanned skin. I don’t know how he did it. I burned in the sun. Fuck my genes.

“Hm…I can’t be the only one, love,” he whispered, grasping my shirt and unbuttoning it slowly, licking my chest and I sighed, grabbing his waist as he forced it off me. “Beautiful…” he commented and I laughed, turning him around and pushing him towards the counter.

“Start cooking, I want some chocolate,” I said, tracing my hands all over his naked back, outlining his shoulder blades.

He giggled, grabbing the jar of solid chocolate and dumping them into a glass bowl, putting that over a heating pot. He turned around, capturing my lips and licking my bottom lip, moaning. My eyes widened, not expecting this, but I didn’t mind. I grabbed his ass, lifting him up on the counter and pressing him against the cabinets, licking his mouth and teeth. He gasped, wrapping his legs around my waist and scratching up my back. “Adam, baby…” he moaned and I smiled, hugging him tighter. The way he said my name was so…fuck.

“I love you so much, sweetie,” I mumbled and I saw his face turn red and I looked at him oddly.

“You’ve never called me sweetie before… I feel like we’re already married!” he exclaimed and I laughed, kissing his cheek. I descended further down until I felt something in my mouth. Something sweet. I went back up and Sauli’s index finger was in my mouth, covered in chocolate.

I stuck my finger into the melting chocolate and smearing it all on his lips, while sucking on his finger. I could already feel myself getting hard from the seducing cooking methods.

“Fuck, Adam… I think I—“

But that is when we heard the door slam. And a deep, accented voice said in disgust, “Sauli…What is this?”


	19. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(

Sauli:

My tongue swirled around Adam's chocolatey finger while I watched him suck mine at the same time. It was such a turn on, plus we were both still in a daze from the car blow job. I don't know what had given me the idea. I guess I just wanted—no, needed to taste Adam again. And by that I don't mean taste his tongue.

I moaned deeply, completely happy for the first time in a long time. I'm so glad I went over to Adam's house to apologize. If I hadn't, we probably wouldn't be here right now. And Adam promised he would break up with Tommy at school, so everything is perfect. I can finally openly call Adam mine.

I was enjoying every second of this moment. That was, until Adam and I both heard the door slam closed. Adam pulled his finger out of my mouth, glancing behind him while I looked over his shoulder. We both gasped when the tall, well-built man spoke again, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?” I didn't know what to do except push Adam away from me and jump down from the counter. I grabbed my shirt, pulling it on and seeing Adam do the same out of the corner of my eye.

Have I ever mentioned how completely anti-gay my parents are? Well they are, and I don't think I'd ever been so nervous in my entire life. I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to press rewind and just go back to when Adam and I were at his house, and choose a different destination for our date. How could I have been so stupid?

I slowly looked up and bit my lip when I saw them. My dad was standing, furious as ever, staring straight at Adam and I with a glare I only see when I know I'm in trouble. Behind him stood my mom with wide, tear-filled eyes. My heart broke at the sight of her. I hated seeing my mom cry almost as much as I hated seeing Adam cry. Adam...

“I-I... Um...” I stuttered out, looking from my mom to my dad. I was terrified. Yet, there was a part of me saying that this is a good thing. They were bound to find out, and I guess it's finally time. But, God, was I scared...

A low growl came from my dad's throat, and he marched over to where Adam and I stood, towering over Adam. My eyes widened. No, don't hurt Adam... Do anything you want to me, just please not Adam... It's not his fault...

But before I could get any words out, my dad's accented voice yelled, “WHAT DID YOU DO TO OUR SON?” I wanted to cry. Adam glanced at me, then he looked back at my dad.

“U-Um...” Adam spoke, but I jumped between him and my dad, shoving the bigger man away.

“Stop it, dad! Don't yell at him!” I said, getting louder with every word. I needed to protect Adam. That was my main priority right now. This has never happened before... Who knows what extremes my parents would go to?

I looked over my dad's shoulder, my mom was still standing there, although now her hands were covering her mouth and her eyes were ever wider and more red. I wanted to reach out to her, tell her that I'm sorry, but a low voice pulled my attention away from her.

“DID I SEE YOU KISSING THIS BOY, SAULI?” This is it. I could either tell them the truth and get it over with, because to be quite honest, I'm sick and tired of lying. Or I could lie to them, and break Adam's heart. I don't want to lose Adam again, but would keeping Adam mean that I would lose my parents? I didn't know what to do or what to say.

“WELL?” My dad yelled, and the fire inside me grew even bigger, making me mad. Why can't they just accept me for who I am?! Fuck them! I'm done with the lying!

“YES!” I yelled, staring back at my father, “Because I-” I started to confess, but I heard another voice cutting me off.

“No...” I glanced at Adam, seeing his sad face looking at my dad, who looked back at him. “I... I made him... Your son is not actually gay...” Adam looked down, and I gasped, my eyes widening. Did he just... lie to my father for me? To protect me? No, this is so wrong... Adam glanced up at me, and I could see the sorry in his eyes. I just stared at him as he apologized to my parents and moved towards the door, opening it and stepping outside. When I heard it shut again, tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. I held them back, not wanting to cry in front of my father. Adam just took the blame for me...

When I looked at my dad, he seemed much more calm, and he looked at me with sorry eyes, just like Adam had... He placed a hand on my shoulder, saying, “Why didn't you just say that gay kid was forcing himself on you?”

I couldn't look at my father, so I just looked down. I was almost too disgusted with myself to even speak. “I... I dunno... I thought it would be weird to talk about with you and mom...” all lies... I couldn't even believe I was doing this right now...

My dad's hand stroked my hair gently. “I'm sorry for yelling at you, but don't hang out with him anymore, okay?” he said, and I nodded. I heard my dad's footsteps get quieter as he walked away, then I felt a pair of lips on my cheek. I glanced up and saw my mom. She smiled at me sadly before walking away with my dad.

When I knew they were both gone, I let the tears flow out of my eyes. I sobbed to myself, feeling so terrible. I could already tell this was going to be an extra weight on my shoulders. I quickly ran up to my room, falling on my bed and crying into my pillow. I need Adam... I need to talk to him...

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, scrolling through the contacts before landing on Adam's name. I clicked 'create new message' and started typing.

 _I need 2 see you_. I typed. I waited for a few seconds before my phone buzzed again.

 _It's 2 complicated right now_. I groaned quietly, sending him back a frowny face. Maybe that would win him over. Yet, thirty minutes went by and I still got no reply to my text. There was no way that he was getting out of this one.

I stood from my bed, walking down the stairs and to the door. I quickly stepped outside, getting in my car. Okay, think, Sauli... Where would you go right now if you were Adam? He's probably feeling depressed... So... Shopping? Food? Food... Food! Adam would most-likely be eating his feelings right now... I smiled to myself, proud to have figured it out, and I drove away from my house.

It was a five minute drive from my house to the small ice-cream shop. I remember Adam saying he loved ice-cream, and since he walked from my house because he didn't have a car, he probably came here. It was close, and it had his favorite dessert.

I pulled into one of the five parking spaces, getting out of my car. I walked over to the clear glass door, seeing a sad looking Adam sitting at a table alone, shoveling down a large cup of ice-cream. I pushed the door open and walked over to Adam's table, taking a seat across from him. Adam glanced up, seeing me. I smiled gently at him, and I could see his cheeks start to redden. “How'd you know I was here?” he said, taking at stab at his ice-cream.

“I know you better than you know yourself, Adam...” I said, grabbing his hand with mine. “Look at me...” he glanced up shyly at me, looking torn apart.

“Your parents are gonna be mad...” he said, looking at me sadly. I frowned, shaking my head.

“I don't care about them or what they think. I love you. We'll be okay, I promise... Do you believe me?” I needed him to know that I love him. I needed him to understand that we'll be okay. I needed him to believe and trust me.

I could see in Adam's face that he was nervous, and he said, “But you should care... I'm really not worth it, Sauli... I've got so many problems...”

I sighed, leaning over the table and grabbing Adam's face with my hands. I kissed him passionately, nothing too extreme. I mean, we were in public... “Please, I love you...” I mumbled quietly after I pulled away. I could feel people staring, but I didn't care. I didn't tear my eyes from Adam's.

I felt Adam peck my lips and a small smile spread across his face. “Okay, I love you too, baby... Do you want some ice-cream?” he said. I giggled, sitting back down in my seat. Adam pushed me the bowl, but I pushed it back.

“Feed it to me.” I said seductively but quietly, trying to keep this conversation to ourselves. Adam smirked, scooping some ice-cream up with his finger and shoving it in my mouth. I sucked, staring at him as I did so. “We should go somewhere more private...” I said when Adam pulled his finger out of my mouth.

“Really? Why? What're we gonna do?” Adam said, winking at me. I giggled, leaning in closer to him.

“Hm... I dunno... Maybe you could get me back for what I did in the car..?” I smirked at him and he smirked back, leaning in closer to me. I could see down his shirt at his perfect chest. I just wanted to run my hands all over it. I loved his red chest hair and his freckles...

Suddenly I felt something against my crotch under the table. I gasped, hearing Adam say, “Can't I just get you back now?” My face went completely red as I shoved Adam's foot away. My already half-hard cock was getting worse because of him...

“Adam...” I said, glancing around. I hoped no one saw that. Kissing in public is one thing, but getting me super hard in public?

“Yea?” Adam said all innocently. I licked my lips, jumping up and grabbing his hand. I pulled him towards the door, leaving the ice-cream cup on the table.

We made it out the door and we were almost to my car when I heard, “Oh my god, do you see how fat he is?” I stopped walking, looking to the side and seeing Niko and two of his friends, who happened to be my friends recently, too. They all laughed, and I glared. Adam looked completely insecure and upset. No one tries to put Adam down...

Adam grabbed my hand, saying, “Let's just go, Sauli... It's okay...” but I ignored him, pulling my hand away from his and walking towards Niko. They all stopped laughing when I approached them.

“Do you have a problem with him, asshole?” I said, and Niko raised an eyebrow. I could feel Adam tugging on the back of my shirt to make me just leave it alone, but I wouldn't. I've had enough of Niko's shit.

“Yes!” Niko shouted. “This fag turned you gay! You used to be cool, now you're just lame.” I wanted to punch him in the face. I wanted to tell him off. He has gone too far now.

“He didn't turn me, you douche! You're BORN gay! And you're just an insecure little bitch going nowhere in life, so you can go fuck yourself, 'cause I'm positive you won't be able to get anyone else to fuck you.” Before Niko could say anything, I grabbed Adam's hand again, pulling him towards the car.

Adam got in the driver's seat while I got in the passenger seat, and he started the car, driving away from the small ice-cream shop.

The ride was completely silent, and that scared me. I don't really know where we're going, but I don't care. I just wanted to be with Adam. But why is he not talking? Normally he would be lecturing me for what I just did. But he's just silent right now...

I shifted in my seat, looking at Adam and saying, “Adam...? Are you okay? You're not letting what Niko said get to you, are you...?” Suddenly I felt the car pull over to the side of the road and stop. We were on some deserted road that I had never been on before. Adam didn't even look at me, he just let the tears fall out of his eyes as he started sobbing. I gasped, not knowing what to do. I've never seen him cry so hard.

“I'M SO UGLY, SAULI! YOU SHOULDN'T WANT ME! I'M FAT AND DISGUSTING.” Adam said, looking at me with red eyes.

My eyes widened and I sat up quickly. “What?! Adam, you're beautiful! Stop this...” and reached over, wiping Adam's tears with my thumb gently.

“S-Stop lying...” Adam said, sniffling. “Y-You're the only one that says that, b-but I know you're l-lying... I don't have your amazing b-body, or your t-tanned skin, or anything...”

I frowned, saying, “Adam stop talking like this. I am not lying to you. You are amazingly beautiful. Just because you think I'm pretty doesn't mean you're not pretty. Everything about you is perfect...”

Adam let out another soft sob, saying, “I-I just don't want you to be embarrassed... That I'm n-not as pretty as other boys...”

I climbed into Adam's lap, straddling his waist and holding his face in my hands. “Stop saying that! I don't care about other boys. You are beautiful inside and out, Adam...” I looked him in the eyes, smiling gently. He sniffled, staring back at me. His lips curved at the corners the tiniest bit.

“I love you...” He said, nuzzling into my neck. “I'm sorry you have to deal with my insecurities...”

“I love you no matter what... I will always accept every part of you...” I said, gently stroking his hair.

Suddenly I felt a soft bite on my ear. Then I heard Adam whisper seductively, “Will you accept the part of me that wants to fuck you right now?”


	20. One More Night

Adam:

I am not sure where I gained the courage to say that incredibly seductive sentence to Sauli. The last thing I wanted to do was take my shirt off and reveal any part of my body. I mean, I know I’m not…fat…But I’m not nearly as toned as Sauli. He has muscles—he goes to the gym and does pushups and all that shit. I go on the treadmill at most. His stomach is perfect and flat. I have a slight belly to mine and I’m not proud of it, but I cannot just keep crying about it. Niko can go fuck himself because I have Sauli and he has nobody. I cannot let people get to me like that. All I ever wanted was someone to love me for me and accept me for who I am. I finally found that person. In addition, if Sauli is willing to handle all my bouts of insecurities, why should I keep crying about them? People are always going to judge me, so I might as well stand up tall with my love by my side.

Moreover, Sauli’s beautiful speech to me just made me fall even harder for him. I couldn’t help my sudden attraction towards him. Though, I don’t think he seemed to mind. He didn’t even say anything to me after I asked him if we could fuck. All he did was grab my face, having our lips mesh in a sloppy mess. I didn’t mind through, I thought it was fucking hot. There was nothing I wanted more then to be with him, have _that bond_ I cherished.

He got more comfortable, straddling my thighs while sitting on my legs. He wrapped his arms around my neck and I grabbed his sides, squeezing them. I forced my tongue into his mouth, licking the roof of his mouth and flicking his wet muscle playfully. He giggled, pulling back and gripping my tongue between his teeth. My eyes widened as he sucked and I moaned, grabbing his ass. He gasped, releasing my tongue and I smirked, kissing his cheek. He glared at me, his nose scrunched up and I saw his eyebrows furrow. Oh, he was trying to play the cute card? I ain’t falling for it…

“Get in the back seat and take off your shirt,” I said huskily. He just nodded eagerly, clumsily crawling off my lap and into the back seat. There was not a lot of room, but it would have to do. Besides, it might be somewhat hot to fuck in a cramped space. I like different.

I started unbuttoning my shirt as I reached for the glove compartment, tugging it open impatiently. Sauli had to have the essentials in here right? He was more of a horny monster than I was. As I kept frantically feeling around, my fingertips graced over a bottle and I quickly pulled it out, doing a mini victory dance. LUBE! YES! I reached in again, feeling for a small square-like item...and... YES. Condom! I should have known Sauli would be prepared...

I turned around and looked back, seeing Sauli topless, tugging off his boots and unbuckling his belt enthusiastically. I just stared, in a daze. His hair was a total mess, bouncing with each movement and I saw sweat forming on his chest and neck. Like a glorious sheen of armor. When he finally got his pants undone, he started pulling them down, glancing at me. “Adammm, come, I need you…” he whined, shoving his hand in his pants and stroking his dick. I freaked out, becoming even more aroused and crawled into the back seat with him. He panted, scooting to the side so I had more room. I just grabbed him by the waist, pulling his hand out of his pants. He whimpered looking up at me pleadingly. I smiled, cupping his face and kissing his abused lips gently. So red and plump: all mine. He moaned, biting my bottom lip. “Adam, now…” he whispered and I laughed.

“Eager, aren’t you?” I said and he rolled his eyes, lying down and I straddle his legs, sitting on his crotch making him exhale sharply. “Hm, sorry,” I said and he huffed, grabbing my shirt, forcing it off all the way. I helped him, tossing it up front and his hands roamed my torso, landing on my stomach. I immediately inhaled, embarrassed, but Sauli just smiled, rubbing it. I felt a blush embrace my face.

“Yay, so pretty…” he said, poking my belly button. I smiled, leaning down and licking up his neck. He moaned, tugging on my hair. “Pants. Off,” he demanded and I complied, pulling down his pants. It was a struggle getting them off completely, but we somehow managed and I threw those up front with my shirt. He whined, “Pyydän, en voi odottaa ...Adam…” he said, looking up at me. I nodded (not understanding his Finnish—but I thought now wouldn’t be a good time to ask), quickly unbuttoning my own pants, pushing them down and groaning when I had to sit against the seat and get them all the way off. Sauli laughed at me, helping me tug them off and throw them somewhere, I don’t even know where. “Now.”

I sighed, straddling him once more and leaning down, kissing each peck, licking over his hard buds. He gasped, arching into me and gripping onto my hair, pulling at it. I moaned, kissing down his torso to his perfectly flat stomach, licking circles. I got to his underwear, tugged at it with my teeth until I stopped teasing, and pulled it down, seeing his beautiful erection curve up against his stomach. I never forgot what it looked like, but I missed it so much. I could feel my face getting hotter as I stared, but I needed to soak it in. He was so damn gorgeous. “Sauli…” I whispered, going down and giving the head a gentle kiss. He squirmed and I sucked, descending further down, licking it all. He gasped and I felt him slide down further and further. I did not even know my gag reflex was that good, but damn, I got him in almost all the way. I kept sucking, hallowing my cheeks and he moaned loudly.

“N-No, please, Adam, I can’t…” he said and I came back up, kissing him. He looked at me, begging me with his eyes. I swirled my tongue around in his mouth so he could taste himself. Fucking kink. “Please, now… I need…” he said and I nodded, taking off my briefs, kissing him again. I reached blindly for the bottle I placed on the ground somewhere. When I finally found it, I came back up, looking at Sauli, popping the bottle open.

“Are you sure? I mean, it’ll still hurt, babe…” I said, genuinely concerned for him. The first time we had sex, it was totally new. It’s still pretty new, but at least we have some kind of idea what we’re doing. He just nodded scooting up a little and next thing I knew, his ankles were on my shoulders. I leaned in a little, his legs bent with me, and I moaned. He is so fucking flexible. Shit. I shook my head, pouring the lube on one of my fingers. I trailed my dry hand down his leg and up his chest. He panted and I circled his entrance and he gasped, whimpering when I started to insert it. He moaned loudly, shutting his eyes, turning his head to the side and his mouth fell open. I added another one smoothly and he growled.

“Adam, _Voi Luoja_ , I…” he groaned as I spread my fingers inside him, trying to open him up as much as possible. I did not want to hurt him like last time. I wanted him to feel comfortable. Well, as comfortable as I can make him. After the last time we had sex, I went online and looked up all this shit up. I got a better idea of it and now I was more confident. And Sauli seemed to like it, so I was just continuing down this road. Thank you porn. You’ve served me well.

I curled my fingers, adding a third digit and he arched up, his legs bouncing on my shoulders. “Mm, no more, Adam! You… I want you,” he said and I laughed, moving my fingers inside him and he groaned, clawing at the seat. I leaned down, kissing him roughly, removing my fingers and he gasped in my mouth. I leaned back up, grabbing the condom and tearing it open. I swiftly rolled it on, pouring more lube on my hand, gently stroking it over my covered dick. I moaned, shivering. I was so concerned with Sauli I didn’t even notice how hard I was. Of course I was fucking aroused, I am about to have sex with my extremely bendy, muscular boyfriend. Damn. Did I ever think I would say something like that? No.

I grabbed his ankles, making sure they were secure on my shoulders and placed both my hands on either side of his head, panting and looking at him. “Ready sweetie?” I asked and he nodded, shutting his eyes. I gulped, still a little nervous as I move forward and felt the head of my cock penetrate him. I moaned and he gasped as I kept moving forward until I slid into him completely. I exhaled in relief, looking down at him and he was whimpering, running his nails down my chest. He was leaving salient red marks, but I found that sexy as fuck (even though it hurt a little).

“Ah, Adam, MOVE!” he hollered and I groaned, rocking my hips into his, pressing our stomachs together and I felt his erection in the middle. He panted, opening his eyes and looking at me, smiling. I smiled back, about to kiss him until he said. “L-Look it’s raining!” I looked up and saw the windows completely curtained in rain. I looked down at him, continually rocking my hips.

“Of course you would notice it’s raining when I’m buried inside of you,” I said and he blushed, shrugging. I laughed, moving out of him gently, then going all the way back in.

“AH! Fuck, more!” he yelled and I grunted, continuing to thrust inside of him as he yelled in Finnish. I wasn’t sure what he was saying, but I didn’t care because it was hot as fuck. I bit onto his neck, snaking my hand between our bodies and wrapped my fingers around his dick, stroking lightly. I was dizzy with pleasure, so I couldn’t stroke him to the rhythm of my thrusting, but he didn’t seem to mind because he was bouncing under me. “Adam, Adam, please….I can’t…You need…”

“I know…” I grunted, thrusting even deep and pumping him until I felt him shake and a sticky substance appeared on my hand. I groaned, rocking into him one more time until I shuddered, feeling my own orgasm course through my body. “Ugh, fuck…” I said, making sure I didn’t collapse on him. If I collapsed, I would crush him. I panted, feeling Sauli slowly coming down from the high of his orgasm and I was still getting shakes from mine…

“Mm, Sauli…” I said, stroking his cheek lovingly. He whimpered, his eyes still shut. His legs fell from my shoulders and he opened his eyes looking up at me.

“Adam…” he said, smiling. I smiled back, gently backing out of him and he moaned. I peeled the condom off, tying it off and shoving it in a napkin. I found another napkin, wiping off any extra cum I saw (Sauli probably doesn't want stains in his car). I grabbed Sauli by the waist, holding him close to me as I lie down in the back seat. We spooned and he sighed happily. “I love you, that was amazing…” he said, yawning lightly. I grinned, feeling proud. Aw, he was worn out from the sex. My confidence burst through the ceiling.

“I love you too…You’re amazing,” I said and he giggled, turning around so his face was in my chest.

“Hmmm…You’re the best boyfriend in the world,” he hummed and I smiled, playing with his curly hair. I ran it through my fingers.

“My love, you’re simply fantastic…” I whispered, but I heard a soft snore, and I smiled, shutting my eyes and nuzzling into his hair, falling asleep to the sound of the rain crashing against the windows.


	21. Sweet, Sweet Love

Sauli:

It was like my life was finally perfect. I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. Adam made me feel so happy, so amazing, so... loved. You know how people say that when you fall in love, it will be the greatest thing you ever feel? Well I didn't understand that until now. Adam actually loves me. He loves me for everything that I am and everything that I ever will be. It was amazing to know that he felt the same way I feel about him. I've never been at such a high point in my life before. Adam was just... Pure happiness to me.

The night before had been amazing. Making love in the back seat of a car has always been something I wanted to do, and I got to do it with the love of my life. I know that Adam and I are meant to be. I can feel it. Every time he looks at me, I can feel a spark run all throughout my body. His bright blue eyes never fail to make me blush. I know I'm acting completely sappy right now, but I can't help it. I'm so happy and in love, it's impossible for me to stop thinking about Adam.

I smiled to myself as I pulled up to school, a little late, but I didn't mind. I'm naturally smart, I will be able to catch up in class quickly. I climbed out of my car, grabbing my bag and locking the car doors (you can't really trust anyone here). As I made my way up to the school's double doors, my mind was still on Adam. His smile, his touch, his laugh...

My thoughts suddenly seized when I stepped inside. I could hear muffled voices coming from around the corner. I slowly walked, peeking around the corner. I could see Adam and Tommy, both not looking very satisfied as they yelled back and forth (though, not loud enough to grab the attention of teachers in the classrooms). I gasped, quickly hiding behind the door again. Shit, I hope they didn't hear that... But they were right by my locker! What was I supposed to do now?

“How the fuck can you still love that asshole, Adam?! He betrayed you! He played you! I would never do something like that to you!” I could hear Tommy yell, and I felt the fire start to burn inside of me. This jealous fucker, I swear to god...

“Don't talk about him like that!” I heard Adam yell back. “I'm sorry you're mad, but there's nothing I can do about it! I love him, Tommy! Just get over it! We're done!” I peeked around the corner again, deciding that hearing them yell just wasn't enough for me. Adam's back was to me and Tommy was facing Adam. I stared for a second before I saw the blond's eyes shift and land on me. My eyes widened as Tommy's glare bore into my entire being.

“You... YOU LITTLE BITCH!” Tommy yelled as Adam turned around, his eyes also landing on me in surprise. Before I knew what was happening, Tommy was in front of me. There was a loud 'smack' sound that echoed throughout the halls, and my face was turned to the side with a red hand print clearly lined across my cheek.

I didn't know what to do. Did Tommy just... slap me? I could feel the tears start to fill my eyes. I could hear the muffled voices of Adam and Tommy before I heard footsteps descending as Tommy walked away. Suddenly I felt hands cupping my cheeks. Everything was still a slight blur. I glanced up at the man who had his hands gently caressing my cheeks. Adam's sad blue eyes looked right into mine before he pulled me into a gentle, light hug. I felt better in his arms, but that didn't stop the tears.

“A-Adam...” I said, pulling back so I could look at him. He frowned at me, wiping my tears with his thumbs.

“Why are you crying, baby? I'm so sorry... I didn't want you to see that...” he said, not tearing his eyes from mine. Yet his seemed confused. I guess he was searching for an answer as to why I was crying when it was just a slap.

“I-I... I never wanted to h-hurt anyone...” I managed, which was only the truth. As much as I hated Tommy when he was dating Adam, I respected the fact that he was making Adam happy. I never actually wanted to hurt Tommy...

I felt Adam's soft lips on mine for just a second before he pulled back, saying, “Baby, I know, you didn't hurt anyone... He's mean...” What if I hurt Tommy and Adam? What if Adam didn't actually want to be with me, he was just doing it out of pity? All these doubts were flooding my mind, only making the tears come faster.

“H-He hates me... And he hates y-you... I'm so sorry...” I said, burying my face into Adam's chest. He rubbed my back gently, kissing my temple and the top of my head repeatedly. His light kisses felt so good, but what if they were all lies? I couldn't help but wonder...

“Why are you so upset, baby? He doesn't matter, I promise. I love you...” The reassuring words made me feel so much better. I could feel my tears start to slow down as I sniffled lightly.

“I just f-feel like I'm taking you a-away from what you really want... Are you sure you want me?” I said, glancing up at Adam. He looked sad, but surprised at the same time.

“Aw, baby, I only want you. Nobody makes me more happy than you. I’m positive that I don't want him. I feel more with you...” he smiled at me and I smiled back, leaning up. My lips pressed to his, both of our eyes slipped shut. His hands slithered around my waist, mine around his neck.

“Mm, we're gonna be late for class...” I mumbled into his lips, the realization of where we were finally hitting me. Although, it didn't actually seem to matter at this point. I was too in love to notice anything anymore.

Adam chuckled, pulling away from the kiss. He grabbed my hand and our fingers laced together. “Would you rather spend the day at my house?” A smile spread across my face. Spending the day with Adam sounds much better than going to class...

“Of course!” I said, giggling and pulling Adam by his hand.

“My house is empty, so we can do anything...” Adam said, smirking at me as we walked to my car. God, we're such horny teenagers...

“Hm... Like... tickle each other? And cuddle?” I said, kissing his cheek before letting go of his hand so I could unlock the car.

I felt Adam's hand slap my ass and I jumped, blushing and turning to look at him. “Yea, I guess your ass is still sore from yesterday?” Adam said, smirking at me.

We both got into the car and I shrugged as soon as we were settled, saying, “A little... Maybe we can switch it around today though... I can top?” I said, hopeful. In all honesty, it was something I really wanted to experience. I have only bottomed, and Adam has only topped. Switching it around every once in a while might be nice, right?

Adam glanced at me, looking a little nervous and saying, “But I wouldn't make as great of a bottom as you do... Your ass is just amazing...”

“So I'll never get to top...?” I said, starting the car. I frowned, just looking out the window as I drove. I really want to try at least once...

I could hear Adam shift in his seat. “I never really thought about it... I didn't know you wanted to...” It was now or never. I might as well just tell him.

I shrugged, not wanting to look at Adam. I didn't want to give in. I wanted to tell him how I really feel. If I look at him, I just won't be able to do it. I know that for a fact. “Well... Um... I've never topped... You've never bottomed... So... I just thought...” I said, biting my lip.

“So, uh... Whataya wanna do when we get back to my house?” Adam said, grabbing my hand. I sighed. I should have expected him to change the topic. Of course he doesn't want to bottom. Why would he? Topping must be so nice...

I decided to just let it go. It's not like I would get Adam to give in anyway. I squeezed his hand, glancing at him. “I just want to cuddle with you... I want you to hold me...” the idea sounded better than anything right now. It's already been a long day, and it's only about nine in the morning. Plus, I missed having Adam just hold me. It used to make me so happy...

I could see Adam smile out of the corner of my eye as he mumbles, “I can do that...”

Soon we pulled up to Adam's house. It made me happy to know that no one was here. As much as I loved Adam's family, I liked having alone time with Adam in a quiet house. And who knows, maybe we can even go skinny dipping.

I parked the car and we both climbed out, walking right into the house without a word. It wasn't a bad silence, more like a relaxed silence. We were just enjoying each others company.

As soon as we shut the door though, Adam's hands were on my waist and he pulled me close to him. “You want to cuddle?” he said, gently swaying us side to side a little bit, nearing the couch.

I giggled, leaning my head on his chest. “Yes...” I said before I suddenly felt us go down. We landed on the plush couch, Adam below me so I was lying on top of him. My hands gently stroked his arm as I stared at all his freckles. It was nice to just lay here. It was comforting, relaxing. With anyone else, this would just be awkward. But not with Adam. Because I love Adam.

I felt Adam kiss my cheek over and over as he ran his fingers through my soft hair. “Do you just wanna spend the entire day cuddling?” Adam said, and I could hear the slight smile in his voice.

Suddenly, I got an idea. I sat up quickly on Adam's stomach. “No... I wanna know where your sweet spot is...” I said, smirking at him. He raised an eyebrow at me.

“My sweet spot? What's that?” Adam asked, looking completely confused.

“Ya know, the spot that, when I kiss there, you just go crazy...” I could see Adam's eyes widen and he laughed, reaching out and poking my nose.

“I don't even know where my sweet spot is, baby... I doubt you'll find it... but go ahead and try if you would like to...” Adam said, laying back.

I giggled in excitement, leaning over and kissing Adam lightly. “I bet I can...” I mumbled into his lips. He moaned quietly, grabbing my hips.

“You just wanna take control, don't you?” he asked, his face only inches from mine. I just smirked, not replying. Of course I want to take control.

My lips started at his jaw, trailing down to his neck. I left soft kisses along the way, biting down on his shoulder then licking at the purple hickey I had managed to make. It was only small, but it was still something. “Sauli...” I heard Adam moan, only giving me more incentive to go on.

I sat up again, grabbing the hem of Adam's shirt and pulling it off over his head. He didn't object, he just lay there. My lips went straight to his chest, leaving a trail of kisses all the way down his stomach. Nothing seemed to be working. He was moaning, but not the way he would be if it was his sweet spot. But I wouldn't give up. “Sauli... You know I hate teasing...” Adam whined and I giggled a little bit.

I picked up his hand next, kissing his palm lightly. But when I moved to his wrist, I gingerly carressed the scars etched into his skin. It made me sad, but perhaps my kisses could heal him. Kissing gently, I heard him gasp. I glanced up, seeing his eyes squeezed shut tight. I smiled to myself, satisfied. His wrist...Of course it was sensitive...

I didn't hesitate, I just bit down harshly, causing him to call out my name and gasp even louder than before. I could feel him squirm as I sucked on his wrist. “Fuck! Sauli...” I pulled back, licking it before biting down again. Adam moaned loudly and I felt him trying to tug his hand away. I held it down before he could pull it away from me completely. “S-Stop, Sauli... I'm gonna...” Adam said, and I could see him blush and look away. He bit his lip. I laughed at his cuteness, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh? You're gonna come?” I said, starting to grind my hips into Adam's. “I could feel the friction between his extremely hard cock and my slightly hard one. “We don't want that, do we?” I smirked at him, watching his face as he moaned louder and louder. I bit his wrist one last time before I heard him yell out.

“Ah, fuck!” Adam yelled, coming in his pants. I giggled, going up and kissing him. “I really liked these pants...” he mumbled lazily into my lips, which only made me giggle more.

“Don't worry, I can wash them for you... I know how to get stains out...” I said, smiling at Adam. But before I knew what was even happening, I was below Adam with him straddling my waist. I gasped, looking up at him.

“Now it's my turn...” He said, kissing me roughly. I moaned, our tongues battling. As we kissed, Adam pulled my shirt up to my neck, our lips parting for just one second as he pulled it over my head. They re-connected after the shirt was somewhere on the floor with Adam's.

His tongue made it's way from my mouth to my neck and he sucked, leaving an identical hickey to the one I left on him. I moaned the whole time as his tongue continued to trail down my pecks and to my bellybutton. He groaned, having a hard time finding my sweet spot.

“It's okay, baby, take your time...” I said, able to see that he was a little frustrated. I felt him unzipping my jeans, but I didn't protest. At this point, I would accept anything.

He pulled my jeans down the tiniest bit, only enough so my hips were bare and showing. He kissed my left hip gently and I gasped loudly. He must have heard and understood, because he continued to tease me, biting down and sucking hard. This was definitely my sweet spot.

My once-half-hard cock was now fully hard in my pants. Adam kept sucking and biting on my hip, making me go crazy. “F-Fuck, Adam!” I yelled, gripping his hair. He moaned as I tugged on it. He sucked one last time on my hip before I felt myself come. I panted, hearing Adam chuckle. I have never felt so good in my life...

As I came down off my high, Adam leaned up and kissed me on the lips. “So... Good...” I mumbled between kisses.

“Mm, I love you...” Adam mumbled, gripping my hips.

“I bet I love you more.” I said.


	22. Safe With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the last chapter of this story!

Adam:

“Hey, baby,” I mumbled into Sauli’s ear, loving the small shudder that ran down his spine from my hot breath. I smiled as he turned around in my hold, wrapping his arms around my neck, planting a giant kiss on my lips. I pressed in further, leaning him against the locker and nibbling on his bottom lip. He opened and we made out for about a minute before he pulled away, smiling shyly at me. I laughed, poking his nose.

We had come such a long way. I remember when he didn’t even want to be near me at school because he was too embarrassed. The thought made my heart ache, but I just needed to live in the present because Sauli loves me right now and I love him and that is really all that matters. He wants to be seen with me, be my boyfriend, love me in public and anything else I could ask for. It is all I ever really wanted and I was receiving it by some divine miracle.

“Adam! The day is over! What would you like to do? We can definitely not go to my house,” Sauli said grimly and I frowned, rubbing his cheek with the back of my hand tenderly.

“I know baby, I’m so sorry that they don’t like gay people…But don’t worry! We can always go to my house? Or walk in the park? Anything you wanna do?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. I have never had a situation where my parents even remotely rejected me based on my sexuality and I was grateful for that. Sauli’s parents were a complete other story though and I felt bad for him. Not being able to love whom you want because your parents are against it? That’s horrible.

“Hmm…May we go to your house? I would like to bake you cupcakes,” he chimed, poking my stomach. I laughed, grabbing his hand as we slowly made our way to his car, mostly staring at each other’s faces than where we were going.

“Cupcakes? Can’t you make me something healthier? Like a salad or some juice?” I asked and he scoffed, sticking out his tongue in disgust. I almost tripped from the utter cuteness his face radiated. How did I ever get so lucky to ever be in a relationship with him?

“Salads are _so_ boring. Besides, I wanna lick frosting off your lips,” he whispered, winking up at me and I rolled my eyes, knowing he would turn it sexual somehow. He always has sex on the mind. Which made me remember the last conversation we had in the car? Sauli was talking about how he wanted to top. Moreover, it made me incredibly nervous. I mean, I have never bottomed before, and Sauli never topped before, so why fix something that’s not broken? However, I know I did not handle the situation the best I could have because I just blew it off towards the end, and that’s not what a good boyfriend would do. In a healthy relationship, you talk about these things… No matter how much it terrifies the shit out of you.

I shifted nervously in my seat, gulping slightly and staring at Sauli as he drove out of the school parking lot. It was silent. “So…Uh…About the other day…When you told me you wanted to top…Did you really mean it?” I asked, the words feeling heavy against my tongue. I was so incredibly nervous, it was almost irrational. I had never bottomed before, so why was I so against it? Because I don’t want to feel that vulnerable…It made me horrified. Sauli is the only person other than my family whom I trust more than anything. However, becoming fully submissive for him? That scared the shit out of me.

Sauli’s hands clenched and loosened on the steering wheel and he breathed out his nose, licking his lips. “Yes…I mean…I’ve never tried…and I dunno, I mean, I’ve watched _a lot_ of porn. And it’s great bottoming because you make me feel safe and everything, but…it looks so much fun to be a top. Naturally, I guess I’m a bottom, but…” he trailed off, seeming to be in thought. I suddenly regretted even bringing this up. So he thought about it before? Fuck.

I glanced out the window, “Well, I mean…I’ve never bottomed before…” I mumbled out pathetically and I heard Sauli scoff. I looked at him curiously.

“Seriously? I have never topped. Bottoming is not that bad Adam. You’re acting like if you do it, you’ll explode. It’s not demeaning…” he mumbled and it is almost as if I’m insulting him. “Like…I’d make you feel comfortable and everything. Let you choose where we do it, the position, I’d use a condom and lube of course…It’s not that scary,” he said and I bit my bottom lip, reaching out and grabbing his hand, giving it a light squeeze. His fingers laced with mine as we neared my house.

“I understand. But let’s just…wait until the time comes. I don’t wanna plan it out, ya know?” I said and he sighed again, but seemed to understand my notions.

He pulled into my driveway, getting out and reaching for my hand as he locked the doors. I laughed, lacing our fingers together once again and we walked into the front door. My parents were at work, but we heard the TV in the living room. I assumed it was Neil since school ended for him too. I led Sauli into the room that contained my little brother and thought I should formally introduce them. I mean, the only time Sauli and Neil really met were when he walked in on us about to fuck. Thanks for ruining the moment, Neil.

Neil turned around and saw us, almost choking on his drink. “OH, IT’S THIS GUY. KEEP YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ON THIS TIME!” he yelled and I flipped him off, annoyed.

“Shut up. Don’t talk to my boyfriend like that. His name is Sauli, you little brat!” I hissed and he laughed, taking another sip of his drink. He was probably surprised I even had a boyfriend considering he knew how awkward I was. He was a little shit, but he knew me pretty well.

“Boyfriend, huh? How did someone in his league end up with someone like you?” Neil asked and I looked over at Sauli who looked utterly embarrassed and I laughed, kissing his cheek.

“I’m not sure. I’m lucky though, right?” I asked, winking at Neil when Sauli finally decided to speak up.

“U-Um, it was nice to finally meet you, Neil!” he exclaimed, grabbing my forearm and dragging me into the kitchen. I laughed at the rush, grabbing his hips and pressing him into the counter, biting his ear.

“What? Do you not like my brother?” I whispered huskily, and he laughed, tugging on my shirt.

“I love him. I love your mother, father…Everyone related to you. But I love you the most, my love,” he whispered and my legs felt like jelly. He called me his _love._ My life is complete.

I started feeling under his shirt, scratching down when Sauli mumbled, “Neil’s in the other room.” I rolled my eyes. It’s not like he hasn’t already—

Suddenly, I heard “Peacock” by Katy Perry blasting through the room and I jumped while Sauli looked at me apologetically, hopping off the counter. “Sorry! It’s my phone!” he said, digging into his pocket and pulling out his iPhone. iPhone. Of course, he has an iPhone. All the popular kids did. Then I mentally shook my head. Wow, old habits break hard.

Sauli lifted his finger, and I nodded. He answered and immediately, I heard a harsh foreign voice erupt out of the receiver. Sauli’s eyes widened and he spoke back rapidly in Finnish. I know it probably shouldn’t right now, but Sauli talking in Finnish got me hot. But I put the horny thoughts in the back of my mind. Obviously, something was wrong because Sauli was panicking.

After another minute, Sauli gulped, nodding and hanging up. He looked at me solemnly. “Baby, what’s wrong? Was that your dad?” I asked, rubbing his arm.

He nodded, taking in a deep breath to calm himself. “He said he wants me to come home immediately. He didn’t tell me what for, but I am certain he is mad about something,” he said, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. I frowned, hating seeing my baby in turmoil. I kissed his forehead gently, only wanting to support him.

“Well, would you like me to come with you and stay in the car? For like moral support or something?” I asked and he nodded, smiling lightly and hugging me. I laughed, rubbing his head.

“Yes, please. I’m sure it will be quick. Then we can come back here and I’ll make you those cupcakes!” he said brightly and I nodded, grabbing his hand, calling out to Neil that we were leaving. He didn’t care and I rolled my eyes, walking out the front door with my love, and we got into the car, not bothering to talk. I think Sauli was a bit more terrified then he was letting on. I was nervous too. His father was a homophobic dick as far as I’m concerned. I would never say that to Sauli’s face but he was. And I just didn’t understand it.

The ride there was silent. When we finally arrived, Sauli got up without a word and entered his house. I leaned back in my chair, shutting my eyes, humming the melody of a song I was working on. Naked Love. It was so funky. I liked the beginning the most because it was just a bunch of “OH’s’” and I fucking loved to—

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard some muffled yelling. And it had to be pretty loud because the car door was shut, the front door was shut, and the car was parked on the curve. My protective instinct immediately kicked in and I fled out of the car, running up to the house and swinging the door open, glancing around. The talking ceased and I stood there awkwardly, looking at Sauli’s broad father, his mother, and…Tommy? Why is he here? However, I didn’t have time to dwell on that because I felt Sauli by my side, hugging my arm. I looked down at him and his face was stained with tears.

“I love him! I don’t care what you think, we will never break up!” he hollered, his voice hoarse from excessive use and sobs. I was flattered Sauli said that, but my heart broke. I looked up and his father was livid.

“THEN YOU CAN LEAVE THIS HOUSE. YOUR KIND ISN’T ALLOWED UNDER MY ROOF.” That made my heart thrash in my chest. “Your kind”? What the fuck? Who says that to their child. I felt rage and I wanted to blow up, but Sauli was tugging me upstairs. We entered his room and he slammed the door, grabbing a couple bags and tossing stuff in there. He was panicking. Fuck.

“Sauli, baby, stop! Do you really want ME? Over your family? Think this over…” I said, approaching him, but he just kept running around his room, shoving random things into the cases.

“SHUSH! I KNOW WHAT I WANT! I would rather be happy and gay with you...then miserable and straight with _them_ ,” he spat and I grabbed him hard, making him face me. His beautiful face, once so glorious and radiating color, was broken—torn.

“Stop. Is this what you want? What will make you happy?” I asked, not fully convinced he was thinking rationally. He shook in my arms, bawling into my chest.

“I-I just wanna be with you…if you feel the same way, this is what I want, my love...” he muttered pathetically, shaking like a leaf in my arms. I held him tight, kissing his head and setting him on the bed as I finished packing for him. He just stared at me blankly while I zipped up his cases.

“I love you. I always want to be with you. Let’s go,” I said, slinging both bags over my shoulder and helping Sauli up, gripping him close to my side. I walked over, opening the door and Sauli’s father was there, his face beet red.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” he hollered, Sauli sobbed, and once again, my protective streak kicked in. No one made my baby cry.

“FUCK YOU. YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY WITH YOUR DECISIONS AND YOU REGRET THIS TILL YOU ROT IN YOUR GRAVE!” I hissed, clinging onto Sauli as we trotted downstairs. Now, his mother was in on all this, but I was a gentleman, and I was not going to yell at a lady. But I did send her a glare from hell and she gasped. I placed Sauli near the door and walked over to Tommy, whom I accounted responsible for this mess, and growled. “FUCK, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, HUH?” I yelled, clenching my right hand into a fist, rearing it back and swinging it forward, hearing a satisfying crack as it collided with his jaw. He gasped, falling to the ground. I glared at him. “Stay the FUCK away from us!” I exclaimed, grabbing Sauli again and making our way out the door.

I gently placed Sauli into the passenger’s seat, tossing his shit in the back and entering the driver’s seat. I turned on the ignition, hearing the thrilling sound of rubber screeching against asphalt as I made a sharp turn, speeding back to my house. I had so much adrenaline pulsing through my veins. No one fucks with my boyfriend.

I exhaled and heard silent sobs from the side. My heart broke and I stole a quick glance at Sauli who was curled up in a ball, sobbing into his hands. I whimpered, wanting to reach over and hold him, but I felt like I could cuddle when we got home. _Home._ Sauli didn’t have one anymore…

While riding to my house, Sauli just sobbed. When I pulled into my driveway, I reached over, grabbing Sauli and pulled him into my chest. He fisted my shirt, sobbing. “A-Adam, I-I don’t k-know—“

“Shh, shh…” I murmured, petting his hair and let him break in front of me.

“We’ll get through this together.”


	23. Because I Have You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, no sequel. Thanks for stickin' around!

Sauli:

Adam was so comforting and amazing, I couldn't be thankful enough for him. As angry, upset, and sad as I was right now, Adam seemed to have a way of making me feel better. How he does it, I will never understand, but it really shows me how perfect we are. There is no doubt in my mind that we are meant to be.

Adam gently stroked my back as my sobs calmed down into slow, steady breaths. I was still on his lap, my face buried in his chest. We had been here for a while, just sitting as he helped me calm down a little bit. It was soothing, the way his hand ran down my back, how he would occasionally brush my hair back once before going back to rubbing my back.

When I looked up at Adam, he frowned at me. My eyes were probably still a little red from the crying. I leaned up, kissing his cheek once before collapsing back into his chest again, this time just leaning against it instead of hiding my whole face in there. I closed my eyes, relaxing for a few seconds, forgetting about everything. It was then that I heard the beautiful humming fill my ears.

I had only heard Adam sing once, but his voice still surprised me. The way he carried some notes out longer than expected, the way he would go into falsetto to add more emotion to a song, his amazing dynamic... But the texture of his voice was like pure honey. It was amazing how at times he could sound so sexy, and then one second later his voice could make you want to bawl your eyes out from the sweetness of it. It was just... beautiful.  _He_  was beautiful.

I listened to the humming for a few seconds before words slightly started to get formed. “Welcome to my world of truth...” he sang so perfectly it made my heart melt. “I don't want to hide any part of me from you...”

I looked up at Adam, his eyes suddenly meeting mine. Though, he didn't look away. He stared straight back into my eyes, singing every word. I felt like I could feel all of his emotions just by listening to the lyrics of this amazing song. “Underneath, tears in my eyes, underneath, stars in my black and blue sky...” He went on.

It was like Adam was pouring his entire heart and soul out to me. I couldn't help but feel my eyes fill with tears again.

“Baby?” Adam said, his singing stopping mid-lyric. “Why are you crying?” he asked, taking my face into his hands and looking deep into my eyes.

“So... Beautiful...” I managed to muster up before slamming my lips on his. He gasped, but I didn't hesitate. I shoved my tongue straight into his mouth, making him moan out of pleasure. His hands moved from my face to my hips, my arms wrapped around his neck.

I don't know what came over me in that moment that made me need to kiss Adam so badly. I just felt so much love for him that I couldn't contain it. I needed to let it out.

I tangled my hands in Adam's hair as I felt his arms move. One slipped under my knees, the other behind my back. He kissed me one last time before I felt myself being lifted. I gasped, pulling away and looking around. What? When did we get out of the car? And how did Adam manage to get us out while holding me bridal style? I looked at him giggling before he closed the car door with his foot, pressing his lips to mine again.

I broke the kiss after a second, holding on tight to him as he walked quickly. I suddenly got an urge, and I started to kiss and nip at his neck lightly. Small moans were leaving his mouth and I grinned. Yay for dominance!

Before I knew what was happening, Adam threw me onto his bed, straddling my hips and kissing me again. I groaned in pleasure, my hands raking up and down his back. I grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head as fast as I could, eager. Adam did the same to me, and soon we were both topless, horny, and way too impatient.

I tugged at Adam's jeans as he bit my neck, sucking. I moaned as I felt a hickey forming in the perfect place. Adam sat up on my stomach, undoing his belt and wiggling out of his jeans as best as he could. When he was done, I ran my hands down his chest, licking my lips. I glanced down at his extreme hard-on, making me suddenly notice my own. When the fuck did I get so hard?

Things moved extremely fast and soon enough, Adam and I were both completely naked, covered in a thin layer of sweat and panting from the fast activity. Adam looked down into my eyes for a moment, just staring. He looked like he was in deep thought. I just smiled back at him. I was about to lean up and kiss him, but suddenly he flipped us over so I was on top. I gasped, giggling and saying, “What are you doing?”

He looked up at me, looking a little nervous, but determined. He smiled, whispering, “I'm all yours, baby."

I was confused for a second, before it clicked in my head. My eyes widened. “You... You want me to...” I started to say, but Adam cut me off.

“Yes, baby. I want you to take control and love me the way you've let me love you so many times. Please, baby.” His eyes gave away no signs of lying or wanting to back down, but I still had to be sure.

“Are... Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, we can always wait until you're ready, Adam...” but before I could finish my small confirmation, Adam's lips were on mine. It was a short, sweet kiss filled completely with love.

“I've never been more sure in my life. Just... be gentle...” He said, and I nodded, kissing him again. “The lube and condoms are in the bedside table.” Adam reminded me after we broke the kiss.

I sat up on his stomach, leaning over him and opening the drawer of the bedside table. I felt around for a second before I felt the two items placed conveniently next to each other. I closed the drawer, sitting up again before shimmying myself between Adam's thighs.

Then it occurred to me: I have no idea what I'm doing! I mean, I've seen porn before and I've always watched Adam prepare just in case it ever came to this day, but I guess I never  _actually_  thought it would come to this day! I have never opened someone up before! I've never fucked someone before! How am I supposed to know how to do it?! What if I go too hard and I hut him? Dammit, what did I get myself into?

I guess Adam could sense my nervousness, because suddenly he was sitting up, holding my arms, and looking me in the face. “Baby, it's okay. Just take a deep breath. You will be fine, okay? Do you want me to walk you through it?” he asked, and I blushed, feeling a little embarrassed. I feel so stupid right now...

I nodded, and Adam smiled. “Okay,” he said, laying back down, “first you have to coat your fingers in lube.” I did as he said, opening the bottle and squirting some onto my fingers. I looked at him when I was done, ready for the next step. “Good. Now you have to very slowly and very carefully slide one finger in... Be gentle...” he said, leaning his head back onto a pillow that has somehow been placed perfectly. He seemed just as nervous as me. Okay, Sauli, get a grip...

I took a deep breath before feeling around at his hot entrance. I watched carefully as I slowly slipped one finger in. I could hear Adam moan and he bit his lip. I smiled a little to myself. I liked making him feel good. “O-Okay...” he mumbled, “Now just move it around a little, and when you feel like I'm ready, slip another finger in...” Adam was quiet, his eyes completely shut. I took another deep breath.

I fingered him gently, loving the sounds he was making. He was tight around my one finger, but as I went on, he started to open up a little bit more. I took that as a sign to add another finger, so I did. “A-Ah, Sauli...” Adam moaned, biting his lip again. I scissored him and his moans got louder.

I kept adding fingers until I was at about four. I was enjoying everything about it. His noises, his tightness... Everything. “F-Fuck... P-Please... I need you now...” I heard Adam beg, and suddenly my heart started beating fast. Here comes the moment of truth...

I pulled my fingers out quickly, more nervous than ever. I got myself ready, slipping the condom on. That part I didn't need help with. I lathered my fingers in more lube, stroking my cock with it lightly. I moaned, wanting to touch more, but I knew I couldn't. When I was ready, I looked over at Adam.

“Are you sure?” I whispered, not knowing if he still wanted to go through with this.

“Baby, I'm positive.” He flashed me a smile. “You will do amazing, I just know it.”

It was reassuring, I had to give him that, but it still didn't settle all of my nerves. But I wanted this. Adam wanted this. So it was time to grow some balls and just do it.

I looked at Adam, whose eyes were already closed, his head resting against the pillow. I sighed one last time before getting on my knees in between his thighs. I got a little closer, positioning myself at his entrance. This is it...

I pushed just the head in, gasping at how good this felt. I gave Adam a minute to compose himself before pushing in a tiny bit more.

Through many moans and beautiful noises, I was eventually all the way in. It felt so good to be inside of Adam. He was so tight, so warm. I loved the feeling. I started rocking back and forth, hearing him let out a breath. He started to cry out in pleasure, mumbling my name. I started to go faster, panting a little.

My hips got into a rhythmic movement as we went on. The low groans of pleasure just made it feel so much better. I swear I could feel the bed shaking and I was thankful none of Adam's family was home. That would just make things  _so_  awkward.

I could feel myself getting close, but I didn't want this to end. I stopped for a second, not pulling out, but leaning over and kissing Adam roughly on the lips. He kissed back, licking at the roof of my mouth before breaking the kiss. “More... I'm... So close...” Adam panted, and I started to thrust into him again, harder this time. “Ah! Sauli...” he yelled out. I buried my face into his neck, panting as I got closer and closer.

I gasped as I thrust once more and suddenly felt my whole body come undone. Adam yelled out at the same time as me, covering our stomachs in the white substance.

I was panting, all my body weight on Adam. It took me a few seconds, but I got enough strength to push myself up just long enough to pull out of him. We both groaned when I did, and I collapsed next to Adam. I reached over for the thin blanket lying on top of us and cleaned our stomachs as best I could.

“Amazing...” Adam whispered, pulling me close to his side. He kissed the top of my head.

“Really?” I asked, still slightly out of breath but genuinely happy he had enjoyed it as much as I had.

“Yes. And I love you.” He said, kissing me again.

I kissed him back and smiled in complete content. “I love you, too.” I murmured, suddenly feeling very tired. I started to close my eyes as Adam ran his fingers through my hair. I had never been so happy in my entire life. I didn't need my stupid family or their stupid money to be happy. I just needed Adam. Adam  _was_  my happiness. I don't know what challenges may lay ahead, but I'm ready to face them...

With Adam.


End file.
